I am a 57 year old married woman with 4 adult children and 2 grandchildren. I am the caretaker for my 87 year old narcissistic mother.
She moved from PA to LA to live around the corner from us because she has cancer and there is no one there to help her out. She tells everyone that she lives like a dog alone all the time. I have had to limit my time with her because of the way she is. I take her to all of her doctor apt (there are many) and food shopping. I bring her food sometimes but most of the time she doesn’t eat it and says it is because she can’t chew it. Sometimes this may be true but not all the time. I offer her to come to my house for dinner or just to watch TV but she refuses because I have dogs and she said they have germs.
Anyway what I want to do is show her copies of e-mails from other people and my sister and my brother who died 4 years ago about how they feel/felt about her. I know this may seem mean but I am on my last nerve. She always asks me why my sister and her brother do not talk to her and I just say I don’t know that she will need to ask them. I tried for years to make peace in the family before I was able to put a name to my mothers problem. She has asked me on several occasions why I am a rotten daughter and why I don't want to spend time with her and I have told her. She always criticizes everything I do or say, she only talks about depressing things like child molestation and men who cheat on their wives. She knows I am in therapy and makes fun of me for that and for trying to be a good Catholic and she says God sees everything and how can I say I am a good Catholic.. I want her to know that I am not the only person that feels this way and that being she is my mother it hurts me even more.
So I guess I am asking for your input on the idea to show her the proof that others do feel basically the same and that my sister surely does.
{moved here from a blog comment ~ David Baxter}
I feel more and more like something is really wrong with me. I am an adult (57) child of a narsasistic mother who is now 87 and just finished chemo for non-hodgkins lymphoma. I am her caretaker. I now feel I am doing this out of guilt and the belief that I have to do it. She has so much power over me that a good day can instantly turn bad if I so much as talk about her for more then a few minutes dont even talk about when I have to spend time with her taking her to doctors visits or food shoping. I use my husband as a buffer and sometimes she behaves a little better when he is around. I will be very honest in that I really want to tell her and show her how people really feel about her. Instead of them saying to her face what a cute little lady you are or that you are a little pistol they really want to say how tatcless and hurtful she is. I want to show her the e-mails people have sent to me telling me why they no longer talk to her. Maybe then she will see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I feel it ten times more then these people because I am her daughter who she is supposed to love. My sister and my mothers brother her only living sibling have chosen to cut off contact with her and have not talked to her for years. She asks me why they treat her like this a lot and in the past I have told her I don't know that you need to ask them but now I think the time has come for me to tell her the truth wether she believes it or not. I know some will judge this as hateful and maybe it is maybe I am just letting off steam here and will never do it. What does it feel like to have a mother that loves you???????
She moved from PA to LA to live around the corner from us because she has cancer and there is no one there to help her out. She tells everyone that she lives like a dog alone all the time. I have had to limit my time with her because of the way she is. I take her to all of her doctor apt (there are many) and food shopping. I bring her food sometimes but most of the time she doesn’t eat it and says it is because she can’t chew it. Sometimes this may be true but not all the time. I offer her to come to my house for dinner or just to watch TV but she refuses because I have dogs and she said they have germs.
Anyway what I want to do is show her copies of e-mails from other people and my sister and my brother who died 4 years ago about how they feel/felt about her. I know this may seem mean but I am on my last nerve. She always asks me why my sister and her brother do not talk to her and I just say I don’t know that she will need to ask them. I tried for years to make peace in the family before I was able to put a name to my mothers problem. She has asked me on several occasions why I am a rotten daughter and why I don't want to spend time with her and I have told her. She always criticizes everything I do or say, she only talks about depressing things like child molestation and men who cheat on their wives. She knows I am in therapy and makes fun of me for that and for trying to be a good Catholic and she says God sees everything and how can I say I am a good Catholic.. I want her to know that I am not the only person that feels this way and that being she is my mother it hurts me even more.
So I guess I am asking for your input on the idea to show her the proof that others do feel basically the same and that my sister surely does.
{moved here from a blog comment ~ David Baxter}
I feel more and more like something is really wrong with me. I am an adult (57) child of a narsasistic mother who is now 87 and just finished chemo for non-hodgkins lymphoma. I am her caretaker. I now feel I am doing this out of guilt and the belief that I have to do it. She has so much power over me that a good day can instantly turn bad if I so much as talk about her for more then a few minutes dont even talk about when I have to spend time with her taking her to doctors visits or food shoping. I use my husband as a buffer and sometimes she behaves a little better when he is around. I will be very honest in that I really want to tell her and show her how people really feel about her. Instead of them saying to her face what a cute little lady you are or that you are a little pistol they really want to say how tatcless and hurtful she is. I want to show her the e-mails people have sent to me telling me why they no longer talk to her. Maybe then she will see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I feel it ten times more then these people because I am her daughter who she is supposed to love. My sister and my mothers brother her only living sibling have chosen to cut off contact with her and have not talked to her for years. She asks me why they treat her like this a lot and in the past I have told her I don't know that you need to ask them but now I think the time has come for me to tell her the truth wether she believes it or not. I know some will judge this as hateful and maybe it is maybe I am just letting off steam here and will never do it. What does it feel like to have a mother that loves you???????
