Toxic words and phrases

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It just occured to me whilst reading a members post, who says that she is not aware of putting herself down by using certain words, that there are many toxic words and phrases we use about ourselves and in expressing seeming approval to others. The most disastrous toxic compliment is ' not bad ' one hundred percent negative, as a compliment and meaningless, best not to say anything.

These were words and phrases that were programmed into us, how many of us are conscious of the power of these words to keep our self esteem low, it is in fact difficult not to use them, I have made a very conscious effort never to say 'not bad' about myself or anybody else ,however so many people do say it.

 

[Bogdan]

Yes, I agree....It is very important to watch what we say and how we say it ....I think its like when we're telling ourselves something bad is going to happen we actually make it happen. Of course not everything that happens to us, does because of our words but I believe we can program ourselves with what we say.

For instance if a person continually says to themselves "nobody likes me" ," Im alone", "I always fail" and words of that nature....what can happen is that after a while they start to believe that with all their heart and then nothing can convince them that its not true.

 

[Blue Boris]

I was thinking about what I say to myself recently. I wonder how even the most subtle of negative words effect me. An example, I was staying up later in the evening that I liked. I say to myself "you stayed up too late, you should have gone to bed sooner". I wonder if even a simple change could make a difference. I'll try saying "I'm glad and proud that you didn't stay up later than you did". They are similar messages, but one has a slight negative tone, and the other a positive tone.

A thousand small cuts add up to large hurts. I wonder if these small negative words hurt.

 

[rdw]

I think we offer more kindness to others than we ever do ourselves. I would never speak to my friends or family or my pets the way I do to myself. So goood thinking to you - we need to speak to ourselves positively!

 

[Blue Boris]

Even little things like "excuse me" when you're getting out of someones way. I don't know of any neutral language that means "I was blocking something you needed but did so without malice and now I'll move so you can get it." I do this all the time in the grocery store. I say "excuse me" or "pardon me". This language sounds to me like asking forgiveness from some great crime and not just moving out of someones way.

Does anyone know of a neutral language substitute for "excuse me"?

 

[Daniel E.]

I'm guessing you are an introvert (like myself) since introverts are more likely to engage in this kind of social analysis.

Anyway, the language may sound that way, but it's obviously not interpreted that way. And anything else you say like "I'll move" may not be as readily understood as a common phrase like "excuse me."

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I agree. with Daniel, There are commion social phrases that are spoken simply as a courtesy: good morning, how are you, excuse me, bless you or gesundheit, etc. The phrase "excuse me" is a courtesy, not an acknowledgement of fault. Not infrequently, when two strangers bump into one another in a crod, both will say "excuse me". It's simply an acknowledgement of the incident and an apology of any part in it you kmay have played - a simple social courtesy.