Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[Lonewolf]

Why am i so distressed over some dead fish? I think i killed 6 tropical fish today by using anti-water snail fluid and im really upset by it! I know that its not just the fact they've died it the fact that most people and most things die when they don't want to or mean to and im still here, when most of the time, i don't want to be around! makes me so angry and incredibly guilty! Im so sorry this must sound so petty and stupid!! I don't understand why just a stupid thing like losing some fish brings back floods and floods of bad and painful feelings and memories? I feel responsible! For all the pain and hurt i've caused my family because i was so wrapped up in getting out of the situation with my brother, i didn't consider the awful pain i would cause, i was so selfish!! I have been told over and over that i was not supposed to have even been born, a big mistake! And i've proven them so right over and over and over!!

How can dead fish bring all this rubbish to the surface, i feel so stupid!! How have i let this get to me so much? Thought i had a grip and now i've lost it again!! Stupid fish!! stupid, stupid fish!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! mg:

 

[GDPR]

It doesn't sound petty or stupid at all.

Just about anything can stir up old thoughts and memories.I'm sorry you're having a rough time.I wish I had something really profound to say that would make you feel better.

 

[MHealthJo]

Please don't believe the stuff your family have said to you and about you, Reeper. You have not been selfish and you have not proved them right.

xox

 

[HotthenCold]

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! mg:

I feel ya.


Sorry for your loss with the fishes....if it makes you feel any better I'll tell you how I accidentally killed a Chinese Fighting Fish....I was draining it's tank over the garburator by holding the lid against the tank so water could escape, but not the fish. Turns out I opened it too much and the fish wriggled out and went in to the garburator hole. I reached for the light switch so I could see the fish and pull it out and accidentally turned on the garburator....I felt terrible. Still do when I think about it...but I have forgiven myself because it was an accident.

It's not surprising that this fish incident could have provoked some of your pain to come to the surface. When our pain is great it's like a highly unstable chemical that can combust if it's hit with a slight breeze, and it is right there beneath the surface just waiting for that breeze... and it sounds like you've been hurt pretty bad by people who are close to you, so it's totally understandable you would have a rush of emotions come forward with a seemingly minor incident like this. Wounds like that tend to linger for a long time, it takes work and time to heal from the kind of stuff you described....like I said, hang in there, show yourself some forgiveness and love and things will get better.