David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Achieving Happiness: How to survive the painful times of your life
By TOM MUHA, The Capital
December 28, 2008
The problems Mike has faced in life have changed him … for the better.
He became resilient as a teenager because he had to learn how to deal with life after having one parent die and another decompensate into despair. He found people who could teach him how to make it through those tough times. They were able to coach him on how to succeed no matter what challenge he was facing. His therapist helped him to develop his strengths by teaching him to use his natural talents and positive traits to create satisfaction in almost any situation he encountered in life.
Having problems doesn't mean you have to have a miserable life. Problems can be scary and painful - a lot like drowning and feeling the water flood into your inner core. These fearful times require that you fight your way back to the surface to get a breath of fresh air. But surviving gives you a real appreciation for yourself and the good parts of life.
Looking back, Mike can see the positive changes he's made that bring him the serenity to accept what he cannot change (other people) as well as the courage to keep learning how to change what he can (himself). Having learned how to strengthen himself, he finds it immensely gratifying to do what others did for him - teach people how to overcome their challenges.
Researchers call this resiliency, but where Mike grew up they just say it's making lemonade out of lemons. The process of making changes for the better, no matter what difficulties life throws at you, boils down to paying attention to what works and what doesn't.
Positive psychology provides answers about how you can be happy as a person, flourishing in your relationships, and thriving in your profession. By studying individuals who've already learned to live in those ways, positive psychology research is able to enlighten people about how to put themselves into positive upward trajectories in their life.
For example, Mike grew up asking "why is this happening to me?" But he discovered he was asking the wrong question because that way of thinking focused his attention on forces other than himself that were contributing to his problems. He learned the question he needs to always ask himself is "what would it look like if I were to solve this problem and achieve a positive result?"
Envisioning a positive outcome creates hope, which studies show is the first step in being able to solve problems. Dr. Shane Lopez, a psychologist with one of the world's leading positive psychology research centers - the Gallup Organization - conducts studies on hope and courage. He has found there are three characteristics of people who are hopeful:
In retrospect, Mike was able to see how this combination of hope and self-efficacy combined to empower him to survive his struggles and ultimately prevail in creating a happy life. He could persevere through the tough times as long as he could see a positive outcome and had a plan of action to follow to get him self there.
When he was virtually penniless as a young adult, Mike could see that working hard in college would give him financial security. And he could see how studying the social sciences could help him to understand how to create the best life possible.
We're stuck when we ask questions such as "Why me?" … "What will people do to me next?" … ''When will this misery end?" To move to a better place, we need to ask "What do I hope my life will look like this time next year?" … ''If I were at my best, what would I be doing to get myself to that place?"… "Who could help me to achieve my goals?"
By TOM MUHA, The Capital
December 28, 2008
The problems Mike has faced in life have changed him … for the better.
He became resilient as a teenager because he had to learn how to deal with life after having one parent die and another decompensate into despair. He found people who could teach him how to make it through those tough times. They were able to coach him on how to succeed no matter what challenge he was facing. His therapist helped him to develop his strengths by teaching him to use his natural talents and positive traits to create satisfaction in almost any situation he encountered in life.
Having problems doesn't mean you have to have a miserable life. Problems can be scary and painful - a lot like drowning and feeling the water flood into your inner core. These fearful times require that you fight your way back to the surface to get a breath of fresh air. But surviving gives you a real appreciation for yourself and the good parts of life.
Looking back, Mike can see the positive changes he's made that bring him the serenity to accept what he cannot change (other people) as well as the courage to keep learning how to change what he can (himself). Having learned how to strengthen himself, he finds it immensely gratifying to do what others did for him - teach people how to overcome their challenges.
Researchers call this resiliency, but where Mike grew up they just say it's making lemonade out of lemons. The process of making changes for the better, no matter what difficulties life throws at you, boils down to paying attention to what works and what doesn't.
Positive psychology provides answers about how you can be happy as a person, flourishing in your relationships, and thriving in your profession. By studying individuals who've already learned to live in those ways, positive psychology research is able to enlighten people about how to put themselves into positive upward trajectories in their life.
For example, Mike grew up asking "why is this happening to me?" But he discovered he was asking the wrong question because that way of thinking focused his attention on forces other than himself that were contributing to his problems. He learned the question he needs to always ask himself is "what would it look like if I were to solve this problem and achieve a positive result?"
Envisioning a positive outcome creates hope, which studies show is the first step in being able to solve problems. Dr. Shane Lopez, a psychologist with one of the world's leading positive psychology research centers - the Gallup Organization - conducts studies on hope and courage. He has found there are three characteristics of people who are hopeful:
- They're capable of coming up with a change goal
- They can set up a plan for achieving their goals
- They're able to sustain their motivation for carrying out the plan
In retrospect, Mike was able to see how this combination of hope and self-efficacy combined to empower him to survive his struggles and ultimately prevail in creating a happy life. He could persevere through the tough times as long as he could see a positive outcome and had a plan of action to follow to get him self there.
When he was virtually penniless as a young adult, Mike could see that working hard in college would give him financial security. And he could see how studying the social sciences could help him to understand how to create the best life possible.
We're stuck when we ask questions such as "Why me?" … "What will people do to me next?" … ''When will this misery end?" To move to a better place, we need to ask "What do I hope my life will look like this time next year?" … ''If I were at my best, what would I be doing to get myself to that place?"… "Who could help me to achieve my goals?"
