Adoption

[Banned]

I was adopted as an infant at three weeks. Growing up, I always knew this. My parents never had to sit me down and have the "we wanted a special baby" chat. When I was four and playing with a friend in Germany, I remember telling her I was more special than she was cause I was adopted. My mom was shocked that I knew that fact and what it went.

As I got older I used to to my advantage when I could - manipulating my parents with big crocodile tears and "it's just cause I'm adopted" when I didn't get my way.

When I ran away at 11 and 14, I told my mom I was going to find my "real mom" who would be nicer.

When I was younger - 4, 5, 6-ish, I'd tell my mom she couldn't tell me what to do because she wasn't my real mom. I can't even begin to imagine how much those words must have hurt her.

My friend and her husband just adopted a baby and looking at the photos, it all of a suddent seemed so commercial...like "pop out a kid and hand it over". They were in the delivery room, met the birth mom and her family and friends...and then...just..."boom - here's your baby". It just struck me in a way I didn't imagine or anticipate.

They are doing an open adoption, so the baby will grow up knowing "both" parents. I think for me, I'm really glad this wasn't the case. I met my birth mom when I was 26 (nine years ago) and she was total whack-job. I'm so glad she gave me up. I met her twice and have not had contact with her since.

Anyway, I think I was just really taken aback with this whole adoption thing. I had tears in my eyes because it seemed so commercial...like buying a stereo or something.

I don't know...I just had to get it off my chest I suppose.

And for those of you who read my thread on surrogacy, the irony is not lost on me....

 

[Retired]

I don't have experience with adoption, but I do have a son with whom I lost contact from when he was an infant to when he was thirty two, ten years ago. His mother moved away and refused to allow me to have contact, so I did not know where they were.

I spent all those years wondering about him and imagining who or what he might be. Since we found each other in 2000, we've been working on forming a relationship, and it continues to be a work in progress, and I cherish every moment

All this to say, that although your birth mother may have not been the person you might have imagined her to be, I expect there might have been a sense of relief and perhaps even closure for both of you as to who or what the other person turned out to be.

As for your friends who have opened thier home and their lives to a baby that might have otherwise had a much different life, they have to be commended. If not only for giving this baby an opportunity, but for also being generous in allowing this child to know his birth parent(s). It says a great deal about the character and the personal strength of these people.

Seeming commercial...perhaps, but a whole lot better then a seedy adoption through back door agencies where tragedy sometimes looms. This way everybody knows what to expect, arrangements are out in the open and the new relationship begins in truth and honesty. These days when there are all sorts of sinister happenings with babies being kidnapped for illegal adptions, at least this birth mother knows the people who will care for her baby, the adoptive parents have a contact with the birth mother in the event of some genetic issue, and the child will grow up with full disclosure of information.

Sounds like a win / win situation to me.

 

[Daniel E.]

Similarly, with international adoptions, there has been somewhat of a backlash due to lack of disclosure, e.g.

Lawsuit Highlights Disclosure Issues in Adoptions - NYTimes.com

 

[Banned]

I think adoption has always been one of those "hot topics" and likely always will be ... it is such a broad topic and so emotionally-charged.

When I met my birth mom, one of the most important things for me to know was my birth dad's name, which she told me. I've had no interest in finding him, but, putting a name to the sperm was important for me and brought me a lot of peace. Seeing who she was was also important, and a bizarre experience.

I have all the admiration in the world for people who can give up their baby, but something about seeing it with my friends just opened up some flood gates in me.

 

[Retired]

something about seeing it with my friends just opened up some flood gates in me

I see, and because I don't have first hand experience with adoption, I cannot fully appreciate the feelings the topic might generate. I hope nothing I said earlier offended you, because that certainly was not my intention.

Steve

 

[Banned]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your concern but nothing you said offended me. This has been an active topic in my mind for my entire life.