Almost every week

[Lonewolf]

The self-harm is out of control!! If I'm not preoccupied with it, I am actually doing it!! I would love to say it's pretty miner stuff, but it's not really!! I have had to hide it a lot as I have to go back and forth to the parents quite regularly for a while and I feel that this has added to my needing to s/h!! I have been weighing up ODing with s/h most days and I reason with them, thinking that I can't cope with the way doctors and nurses treat people that have inflicted illnesses and injuries onto themselves!! I can patch up my S/H myself most of the time, it's too late to be worried about scarring now!! I still don't get any help from anybody so its not bothering anybody and I don't really care anymore!! Right now I don't feel like anyone gives a hoot about me or how I feel or what I need and that hurts far more than anything I do to myself!!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: Almost every week!!

I am very sorry you are in this cycle Lonewolf.

I am wondering, do you think you could take a few days to just look at what sources of stress you could remove from your life, to try to bring some relief and bring down the level of harm you are causing to yourself?

It sounds like things have hit one of those points where you've gotta make a couple of hard decisions to try to get some of the negativity and pain down in your life....

Are there any other resources you can make use of at the moment to guide you in restoring some balance and control, making some decisions, making some changes?

x

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: Almost every week!!

I have tried to remove certain things to reduce the risks , but even some of the most innocent of objects can become a weapon!! Unfortunately things with the parents are not getting any easier because I just don't seem to he able to get anywhere with help for them!!! I have been going to the group I attend regularly and to be honest, they have been absolutely brilliant in trying to support me even though I'm a pointless case!! If it wasn't for them, I would more than likely be dead by now!! For sure!! I have been going there nearly every time it is open to avoid being alone!!! It is evenings and the sleepless nights and days that the groups are not open that my need for pain is most intense!! I don't know how to change that?

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: Almost every week!!

It is so very difficult to be gripped with those feelings LW. Great that you are doing those things that you can.

Keep trying with the aged care services LW. You may find that if you say your parents are vulnerable and don't have help, things may get moving. And of course, if it's more about your parents simply expecting it - they aren't in any great emergency and they simply want to pressure you to do things which they could really do for themselves, or which they could pay a private homecare /home help service to do ..... Well, we all find a time when we have to simply say no to someone who's treating us the wrong way... whether we say it with words, or with private help / care / home support phone numbers put into their letterbox, or whether we just block their number and become unavailable.... the main thing is protecting ourselves.

On your phone LW try going into the appstore or play store, and find games like Dots Chain Reaction, or whatever your style is.... games are an excellent distraction, you can find very simple / easy ones like that one (but they still busy your mind and hands), or more involved stuff.... and with luck, you can eventually reach exhaustion point and sleep.

Do talk to your GP though about relaxation training, other aids for sleep, etc, other groups and classes, etc..... Sometimes through the government or groups or charities you can find access to free or cheap aids, classes and supports you might not yet have. Also google 'online anxiety treatment' and things, often these days universities or research groups are offering free tools, free phone assessments, all sorts of stuff...... Check out good books on self-harm recovery too. Keep plugging as you are and keep committed to yourself and your recovery, and you will keep finding new options that can aid you LW. xx

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: Almost every week!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Sometimes it's as simple and as difficult as just saying to yourself, "I cannot and WILL not do this any more".

 

[forgetmenot]

If you are not there your parents will have to be cared for and the agency will step in You just call them and say your parents need support now as you can no longer help them.
Then it is your parents chose to accept the care As long as you are there they won't ok so you have to step away so the care can be set up for them
As doctor Baxter has stated it is as simply as you saying NO now You will be taking care of yourself and they will have to accept the care from the agency

 

[Jesse910]

LW:

In trying to figure out a solution to our issues, sometimes, the power to change is already inside of us. Treat yourself as you would want to be treated. Yes, your parents need assistance and should take the reins. Yet, this distresses you. Self-harm is a substitute for self-care. Perhaps, you can pace yourself and say, "for the next 15 minutes, I am going to do something meaningful for myself. As you willingly choose to do this, increase the increments.

I have found that as human beings, we frequently fail to grasp the needs of others not because we don't care, but rather because we are caught up in our own journeys. People can help one another, but we must be prepared to help ourselves. I think of the analogy of the long distance runner. In the middle of his/her run, they grow tired and feel like giving up. However, at that moment, they get their second wind and push themselves to go the distance. So can you LW. We are all here in this struggle together to listen, learn, comfort, and to build branches to one another. You are too valuable -- know it and believe it.

 

[Lonewolf]

I wish it was as simple as it all sounds, but in fact it is very complicated and very frightening!! As I have said in many of my posts in the past, I find physical pain so much easier to cope with!! If I do let myself 'feel' what's going on inside me, I am incredibly frightened and alone and worried and angry and sad and confused and guilty..... The list goes on and it all gets twisted up inside me and it feels like I am going to implode!! I can't cope with them all on my own!! I don't know if anybody understands? I shouldn't expect anyone to? I have had a bad week thus far anyway!! I am close to snapping!! Don't know how to deal with this life right now? If anyone knows where the off switch is, please tell me? I don't think I can take much more!!

 

[Retired]

How many people are you in regular contact with? Who is in your social and professional support circle?

 

[MHealthJo]

The trouble with trying to 'not feel' is, the feelings don't go away, they stay there and build in your body and mind. You still carry them, and also fear them almost constantly. That is an awful burden to carry all the time.

I know that doesn't exactly make it easier or less scary though - thinking about going through them.

I think one important thing to remember is: when you are able to let yourself feel them in safe ways, such as through using techniques and tools from the DBT side of things, and knowing that you have support going through it such as support from us, that you are not alone - what happens is the feelings do subside, you get through the blasts of feelings and they do subside. And then you have less fear of them. They end up becoming something that (while still very very hard), you can manage. And the bad times become less often, and become not something constantly bearing on your back or gripping you with fear.

I guess it comes down to deciding when your alternative coping mechanisms are no longer really manageable. There comes a point where going down the route of new skills, bravely doing difficult different things, etc, is actually going to be more manageable than the old way of doing things. Only you can decide when is that time. xx

 

[Lonewolf]

Its all too much!! Its one thing after another and I just can't do it!! Everything is too much!! I am such a failure to everyone!! I hate, no, I despise myself for being so scared to be alone! Why are people so difficult to be with? Why are relationships so difficult? I have been attending the group and now a man has reappeared from my past!! I am so frightened, every time I see him I just fall apart!! The staff know, but they can't stop him going!! I need that group, its my life support machine at the moment so I have to see him, I am so frightened of him and it hurts so much!! I don't really know how to cope with the anxiety that overwhelms me!! One man should not have so much power!!! But yet he does!!! Like others I know!! I know I am a wimp! I also know that nothing will ever change unless I change it, but I don't have any strength left!! I want to die!! If I remove myself, other peoples lives will be sorted out then!! As I said I am a scaredy cat and a wimp and I am sorry!! Really don't know what to do now!!! I know this is probably stupid and hard to understand, I don't actually expect anyone to understand!! I never knew how painful life could be!!

 

[Mari]

Have you asked the staff if there is a group you could attend that is for women only? Sometimes psychlinks is my lifeline because there are people here who understand and even if their circumstance is different they are kind and considerate. Be kind to yourself!