I have a bit of a long story, I'll try to be as quick as possible. I'm a teenager and for the last few years a few things have gone a bit awry, I had a medical problem a few years ago and after that I've not really been right since. I've been diagnozed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Anyway, for the last 2 years or so I've suffered what I figure is some sort of anxiety problem. I'd be very worried about things, to levels that nobody else seemed to be worried about (especially for a teenager). There is a vast array of things, some that come and go (like a noise outside, I'd be very afraid it was a burglar or something) and ones that linger for a while (say terrorism, which statistically unlikely to effect most of us and especially me as I don't live in a city like that). The worry wasn't constant, it'd come & go during each and every day (say a few hours where I'd worry about stuff, it wouldn't occupy my mind totally though) and there were varying complexions of each day (not afraid at all, a little bit, a few hours afraid, etc).
It gets a little more complicated now, I was on medication to help the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for a year or two. My dose was increased at one point last year and things changed for the worse. That week my level of fear went up a lot, it'd take over a lot of the day and sometimes I'd just go back to bed just because of a sense of impending trouble. After that week, everything became clear and I sort of have to describe everything as before that week and after.
Before that week, I didn't notice I had an anxiety problem and neither did anybody else. I honestly thought that I was smarter, or wiser, to be worrying about the stuff I did ... I realized most teeneagers and indeed adults too weren't worrying about this stuff, but I thought they were wrong. I'd go to sleep with a tennis bat bat next to me, if I went it a room with a closed door when I wanted to leave I would grab something that I could use in self-defense, it was a bit odd obviously but nobody thought much off it. After that week I could see that over the last two years I had a problem, I also realized that the medication had contributed to that very bad week (with the higher dose) and probably the wider period, so (after discussion with doctor, detailing that bad week at the dose) I was weened off the tablets.
Now I've been off the tablets for a little while but while I now see the problem much better, it hasn't really improved from the last few years (although I am not as bad as the bad week). What I know now is that I seem to have cycles (the typical length is a few hours) where I have this very nervous/anxious feeling. It is a feeling I just get, without any prompt. I wouldn't say I have a paranoid mental state, but that when something happens (say a noise outside) my brain will respond with the logical answer but because my body is the anxious mode it makes me doubt it and my (very imaginative!) brain responds with more ideas. The extreme silly ones sort of stick around because my body almost gives the feeling that it could be true. I suppose what should happen is when you're scared that your brain gives you a logical answer and it soothes the fear that you feel but that doesn't happen because the fear didn't come for any logical reason and won't go for any logical reason either. If I hear a noise, my brain will sort of think what are the likely candidates (wind, cat) and also unlikely stuff (burglar), and because of this fear I feel it is as if I should doubt my brain. If somebody told you not to trust what somebody says, if they say "It is A not B", you'd probably find yourself thinking maybe it is B ... and the sort of respose my body gives to my brain is a "Well OK, but what if it is ..." response.
I don't think I have depression, I don't have any reason to feel depressed and I don't, infact the problem is fear for my life and that suggests to me that I quite enjoy living. I do sometimes get sort of melancholy feelings when I am in the afraid state, I end up wishing I was back in last week or last month - even though I know that I had the same anxiety then, its almost as if because I can't feel what I felt then even thought I know what I probably felt then that the period always seems that the past feels better than the present.
I'll just add I don't suffer any physical effects of anxiety/fear, infact I would say people looking at me in the state wouldn't know.
None of this has been truly visited with any medical professional, I should add. Reading this site, I would also say I most probably have Social Anxiety Disorder too, on top of whatever the above all means. I'm not sure what I want or expect from posting here, perhaps just writing it all down is help enough.
Thanks to anybody who reads or responds.
Anyway, for the last 2 years or so I've suffered what I figure is some sort of anxiety problem. I'd be very worried about things, to levels that nobody else seemed to be worried about (especially for a teenager). There is a vast array of things, some that come and go (like a noise outside, I'd be very afraid it was a burglar or something) and ones that linger for a while (say terrorism, which statistically unlikely to effect most of us and especially me as I don't live in a city like that). The worry wasn't constant, it'd come & go during each and every day (say a few hours where I'd worry about stuff, it wouldn't occupy my mind totally though) and there were varying complexions of each day (not afraid at all, a little bit, a few hours afraid, etc).
It gets a little more complicated now, I was on medication to help the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for a year or two. My dose was increased at one point last year and things changed for the worse. That week my level of fear went up a lot, it'd take over a lot of the day and sometimes I'd just go back to bed just because of a sense of impending trouble. After that week, everything became clear and I sort of have to describe everything as before that week and after.
Before that week, I didn't notice I had an anxiety problem and neither did anybody else. I honestly thought that I was smarter, or wiser, to be worrying about the stuff I did ... I realized most teeneagers and indeed adults too weren't worrying about this stuff, but I thought they were wrong. I'd go to sleep with a tennis bat bat next to me, if I went it a room with a closed door when I wanted to leave I would grab something that I could use in self-defense, it was a bit odd obviously but nobody thought much off it. After that week I could see that over the last two years I had a problem, I also realized that the medication had contributed to that very bad week (with the higher dose) and probably the wider period, so (after discussion with doctor, detailing that bad week at the dose) I was weened off the tablets.
Now I've been off the tablets for a little while but while I now see the problem much better, it hasn't really improved from the last few years (although I am not as bad as the bad week). What I know now is that I seem to have cycles (the typical length is a few hours) where I have this very nervous/anxious feeling. It is a feeling I just get, without any prompt. I wouldn't say I have a paranoid mental state, but that when something happens (say a noise outside) my brain will respond with the logical answer but because my body is the anxious mode it makes me doubt it and my (very imaginative!) brain responds with more ideas. The extreme silly ones sort of stick around because my body almost gives the feeling that it could be true. I suppose what should happen is when you're scared that your brain gives you a logical answer and it soothes the fear that you feel but that doesn't happen because the fear didn't come for any logical reason and won't go for any logical reason either. If I hear a noise, my brain will sort of think what are the likely candidates (wind, cat) and also unlikely stuff (burglar), and because of this fear I feel it is as if I should doubt my brain. If somebody told you not to trust what somebody says, if they say "It is A not B", you'd probably find yourself thinking maybe it is B ... and the sort of respose my body gives to my brain is a "Well OK, but what if it is ..." response.
I don't think I have depression, I don't have any reason to feel depressed and I don't, infact the problem is fear for my life and that suggests to me that I quite enjoy living. I do sometimes get sort of melancholy feelings when I am in the afraid state, I end up wishing I was back in last week or last month - even though I know that I had the same anxiety then, its almost as if because I can't feel what I felt then even thought I know what I probably felt then that the period always seems that the past feels better than the present.
I'll just add I don't suffer any physical effects of anxiety/fear, infact I would say people looking at me in the state wouldn't know.
None of this has been truly visited with any medical professional, I should add. Reading this site, I would also say I most probably have Social Anxiety Disorder too, on top of whatever the above all means. I'm not sure what I want or expect from posting here, perhaps just writing it all down is help enough.
Thanks to anybody who reads or responds.
