Angst

[desiderata]

Why does it feel like I go through all the self-improvement methods; meds, therapy, books, forums, etc., and it goes well for a while but you expect people to get a clue and you hope that over time they become better people too.
I have high expectations for myself and others. Maybe unreasonable?
That's where after a while I feel like a tree in the wind bending and bending until I get to the breaking point. I am a patient man, however, everyone has their limits.
I don't expect perfection in this world, just a little more decency and morality.
I get to the point where angst takes a hold of me.
I get tired of bending and say "why do I have to do all the work?"
Where's the justice?
I hope that time is the great equalizer and I can either cope better and more consistently or people just get a clue on how to properly treat other people.
It shouldn't be that difficult.

 

[Retired]

Re: angst

I have high expectations for myself and others. Maybe unreasonable?

Having unreasonable expectations of ourselves and especially others can be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I believe each of us has to come to terms with our won limitations, and then do the best we can within those limits. The same would apply to those with whom we interact; where some people can be depended upon while others cannot. Once we determine who are the reliable ones, we can count on them, while our expectation level for the others should be tempered.

Everyone has set backs and failures, so we cannot be too hard on ourselves or others for that particular human frailty, but we should expect that we all learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them.

We can only do the best that each of us is capable of doing.

 

[desiderata]

Re: angst

Thanks Steve.
How does a person know what's reasonable or not?
When it comes to people, we, as a society have tolerated quite a bit and reasoned with all types of issues. To our advantage and disadvantage. The disadvantage being the atrocities that occur every day and the more and more they occur, the more tolerant it seems we become.
Ex: A man shoots and kills eight people. This makes big news for a couple of days until the next rampage occurs. We are inundated all the time with this until it almost becomes "no big deal."
Unless it happens to us or close to home.
This is an extreme example but the behavior and actions all around us, every day leads one to question: What is reasonable?

 

[Retired]

Atrocities have ocurred since the beginning of time and, sadly, are likely to continue. The longer you live, the more of these you are likely to hear about, and in today's instant news, you will probably see and hear about more of them and more often in the future.

To maintain your own peace of mind, let alone your sanity, the best you can probably do is focus on the people with whom you need to interact on a day to day basis. Beyond that, it seems to me, it's a waste of energy and emotion to be allow oneself to be affected by the actions of others.

How does a person know what's reasonable or not?

Reasonable expectations of oneself or those with whom we are directly involved

I believe it has to do with acceptance of ourselves as we are and of those directly associated with our lives. Directly, because allowing yourself to have expectations of those indirectly involved with our lives is setting ourselves up for disappointment.

For example, expecting more than what is necessary from a person in a casual encounter, like a waitress in a restaurant or a gas station attendant can just add to your frustration. As long as you get what you need from these casual encounters, if the person does something exceptional, consider it a bonus, but if they disappoint you, then just walk away and don't go back there.

From family members, friends and co workers, the expectation should be based on how close is the relationship, and the abilities and limitations of the individual. Expectations should be based on the limits of each individual potential, and I believe, to save emotional stress, allowance must be made for occasional failure. Base your expectations on past performance, one way your expectations can be reasonable.

If you don't expect too much, you won't be disappointed.

 

[Yuray]

you hope that over time they become better people too.

perhaps they see no reason to be better people. if there is no proactive incentive for them to become better people, then its only your interpretation and standards that can make them better or worse people.

I don't expect perfection in this world, just a little more decency and morality.

a sentiment shared by many, and the many are doing their part to make it so, but there are those who undermine it, knowingly or unknowingly.

10 characteristics of Generation Me | A Class Act

I hope that time is the great equalizer and I can either cope better and more consistently or people just get a clue on how to properly treat other people.
It shouldn't be that difficult.

you are right. for those who have the slightest hint of enlightenment, solutions are obvious. I suspect you already know how to treat other people properly, but to 'cope' in an attempt to blend in with others, well, as the second stanza in your namesake Desiderata says:

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

I get tired of bending and say "why do I have to do all the work?"

it seems to be your personal quest, and not a team effort, and I doubt there is anyone in the grandstands recognizing your efforts and cheering you on. time maybe just to shoot for a 'personal best'.

Where's the justice?

right where its always been, locked in the vault of subjectivity.

you might find more satisfactory answers to your questions in spirituality of a sort, rather than in the mechanics of expectations.