[How to] be happy with a single girl?
- Thread starter Joseph
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amastie
Member
Hi xmsmmgrs.
How does one shorten your id? Or is it written specifically in order *not* to?
I admit that the first thought I had when I read your post was "Do you want to sabotage your relationship? Might that be a reason for looking at other women? I also wonder if you look with a serious intention to have an affair or are you engaged in fantasy? Or is that not clear?
You say that you are looking after "other girls", not one special girl, as if you are indulging in fantasy rather than seriously seeking an alternative partner - at least, not a long-term one.
Another possibility is that might be reacting to having reached a place in your relationship with your girlfriend which is scaring you in some one so you are looking elsewhere to distract yourself with thoughts of less committed and more fleeting "conquests".
In this matter, I'm entirely theorizing. If you asked the same question of yourself in a very quiet, reflective moment, I expect you will find more pertinent answers
For now,
amastie
How does one shorten your id? Or is it written specifically in order *not* to?
I admit that the first thought I had when I read your post was "Do you want to sabotage your relationship? Might that be a reason for looking at other women? I also wonder if you look with a serious intention to have an affair or are you engaged in fantasy? Or is that not clear?
You say that you are looking after "other girls", not one special girl, as if you are indulging in fantasy rather than seriously seeking an alternative partner - at least, not a long-term one.
Another possibility is that might be reacting to having reached a place in your relationship with your girlfriend which is scaring you in some one so you are looking elsewhere to distract yourself with thoughts of less committed and more fleeting "conquests".
In this matter, I'm entirely theorizing. If you asked the same question of yourself in a very quiet, reflective moment, I expect you will find more pertinent answers
For now,
amastie
When I read your post, I couldn`t help but wonder if you were with someone for whom your sentiments are not as strong as they should be. Of course, only you can answer this question.
Of course, the other danger is the lure of the unknown - the grass is always greener on the other side syndrome if you will. And no, this is not a man thing - I think both genders are susceptible to it. So a few questions arise for me:
Do you love the person you're with?
When you dream about other women, do you also dream of a potential relationship with them? Or is your dream a little more limited?
I think these are questions that you should ask yourself - it wouldn't be fair to your partner to keep a relationship going if you weren't happy.
I`m happy that you've never cheated on your partner. And sometimes, we tend to over-analyze our thoughts processes to mean more than what they really are. we`re entitled to dream. Sometimes our dreams are nothing more than just that...they only become dangerous with a potential of jeopardizing when we take action on them (in this kind of context)...
Of course, the other danger is the lure of the unknown - the grass is always greener on the other side syndrome if you will. And no, this is not a man thing - I think both genders are susceptible to it. So a few questions arise for me:
Do you love the person you're with?
When you dream about other women, do you also dream of a potential relationship with them? Or is your dream a little more limited?
I think these are questions that you should ask yourself - it wouldn't be fair to your partner to keep a relationship going if you weren't happy.
I`m happy that you've never cheated on your partner. And sometimes, we tend to over-analyze our thoughts processes to mean more than what they really are. we`re entitled to dream. Sometimes our dreams are nothing more than just that...they only become dangerous with a potential of jeopardizing when we take action on them (in this kind of context)...
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Thank you for your answers. I really appreciate.
@amastie: That`s a "code" I use as username, to make sure it is available. I am Joseph, or Joey if you want a shortened version
I do not intent to sabotage my relationship. I am not looking after a serious relationship with other girl. I like the one I am with, she is not perfect but I suppose nobody is. It is more like a fantasy, I would like to "play" with them (kiss, hug, etc., maybe sex) but the interesting thing is that I never do something in this direction. I had a girl 5 years ago, well is to much said "I had", I loved her a lot but we've never been together... I still dream about her.. She is what I imagine as being the perfect girl for me. I know she is not perfect and she`s not what I need but still.. I am trying to quit this addiction. Maybe looking after other girls is a way to substitute that girl I never had, before jumping into a marriage with my actual girl. And yes, I suppose I am scared about getting married and having a child (even though I want a baby).
@Jazzey: Well, my sentiments are not as strong as they should be because I still have that "perfect girl" in mind and heart. I cut the contact with her a year ago so.. I suppose my feelings will just fade away in time.. and I will be able to be 100% for the one I am with.
You say "it wouldn't be fair to your partner to keep a relationship going if you weren't happy" and I agree 100% with that. I can`t say that I am not happy, I am happy to be with her and I am happy that she loves me.
I am sure that my problem is also a genetic legacy.. my "father" had some non-OK behaviors in this matter, he often cheated on my mom and I remember that even in my childhood I had lots of sexual fantasies and tried to fool around with girls. Now I am more rational and I am able to separate my fantasies and the reality.
Thank you again for your answers, they are as a mirror, they help me see myself in a more rational way.
@amastie: That`s a "code" I use as username, to make sure it is available. I am Joseph, or Joey if you want a shortened version
I do not intent to sabotage my relationship. I am not looking after a serious relationship with other girl. I like the one I am with, she is not perfect but I suppose nobody is. It is more like a fantasy, I would like to "play" with them (kiss, hug, etc., maybe sex) but the interesting thing is that I never do something in this direction. I had a girl 5 years ago, well is to much said "I had", I loved her a lot but we've never been together... I still dream about her.. She is what I imagine as being the perfect girl for me. I know she is not perfect and she`s not what I need but still.. I am trying to quit this addiction. Maybe looking after other girls is a way to substitute that girl I never had, before jumping into a marriage with my actual girl. And yes, I suppose I am scared about getting married and having a child (even though I want a baby).
@Jazzey: Well, my sentiments are not as strong as they should be because I still have that "perfect girl" in mind and heart. I cut the contact with her a year ago so.. I suppose my feelings will just fade away in time.. and I will be able to be 100% for the one I am with.
You say "it wouldn't be fair to your partner to keep a relationship going if you weren't happy" and I agree 100% with that. I can`t say that I am not happy, I am happy to be with her and I am happy that she loves me.
I am sure that my problem is also a genetic legacy.. my "father" had some non-OK behaviors in this matter, he often cheated on my mom and I remember that even in my childhood I had lots of sexual fantasies and tried to fool around with girls. Now I am more rational and I am able to separate my fantasies and the reality.
Thank you again for your answers, they are as a mirror, they help me see myself in a more rational way.
white page
Member
Hi Joey ,
I am sorry to hear that your "father " had this problem , but it isn't genetic ,
it seems that you recieved innappropriate signals from your male role model as a young child and were confronted with sexual matters which were not appropriate , it is a 100% normal to look at members of the opposite sex and even be attracted to them. but stepping over the line and acting on your fantasies is bad news if you and your parnter love each other .
It is something which brings so much grief and a loss of trust , which can be unrepairable . It is great to hear that you have never cheated on your girlfriend . "The perfect woman is the woman you love" , this was said by a very wise plastic surgeon , who spent time trying to dissuade women from changing their faces and bodies in the mistaken belief that they would be more "lovable " , physical attraction is fugitive and often very short lived and superficial , yet meeting a soul mate and learning to love and trust each other is one of the most beautiful events that happen in our lives .
So cherish the relationship you have it is a wondrous gift that not everyone has the good fortune to have .
best wishes wp
You did help, that`s for sure.
My problem seem to be the fact that I still love (I suppose) a girl I met over 6 years ago. I have the belief that she is the "perfect" one for me. My chances are zero to be with her so I should move on. That's what I am doing.. BUT (yeah, I know) I am still thinking about her each day. I just can't take her out of my mind.
I am involved in another relationship from over 2 years now and doing my best to leave the past behind but still, sometimes I miss her so much!
My problem seem to be the fact that I still love (I suppose) a girl I met over 6 years ago. I have the belief that she is the "perfect" one for me. My chances are zero to be with her so I should move on. That's what I am doing.. BUT (yeah, I know) I am still thinking about her each day. I just can't take her out of my mind.
I am involved in another relationship from over 2 years now and doing my best to leave the past behind but still, sometimes I miss her so much!
Into The Light
MVP
i wish i had the answer for you joey. that is a complicated situation.
you say this other girl is the perfect girl for you. how well do you know her? is there a chance that you have built up the ideal dream girl and that maybe she isn't that girl in reality? how would you feel if suddenly you no longer could be with your current girlfriend for the same reason you can't be with the other girl?
you say this other girl is the perfect girl for you. how well do you know her? is there a chance that you have built up the ideal dream girl and that maybe she isn't that girl in reality? how would you feel if suddenly you no longer could be with your current girlfriend for the same reason you can't be with the other girl?
Sure, she is not perfect and most probably I have build her up that way, I am aware of that, but still, I would like to have a relationship with her, if I would have to die now this would be my only regret, that I could not be with her.
I do not have a simbiosys with her, I feel that I could let go easily.
I do not have a simbiosys with her, I feel that I could let go easily.
I thought that it is a great moment for an update..
The news is that I left the relationship I was in when I started this thread and I forgot my fantasy girl.
Now I feel free to find what I really need. It is hard to be alone but.. that`s it. I am paying more attention to myself now, I am going to the gym, buying new cloths, meeting new people, etc.
Thank you all for your time, all of your answers were useful.
The news is that I left the relationship I was in when I started this thread and I forgot my fantasy girl.
Now I feel free to find what I really need. It is hard to be alone but.. that`s it. I am paying more attention to myself now, I am going to the gym, buying new cloths, meeting new people, etc.
Thank you all for your time, all of your answers were useful.
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