It's no secret to those around me that my self-esteem isn't the greatest. It's also something I want to work on in therapy. My boss is really into self-help stuff and keeps talking about these weekend workshops for women. I would think that this isn't something that can be fixed in a weekend though, and wonder what the hype is around them. I feel like its more of an ongoing process and not a weekend deal. Is there any merit to these things or is it a cash-grab with a whole lotta hype and not much merit? I have no desire to go - for me that's what therapy is for, but admittedly my curiosity is piqued around this topic.
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I don't know about specific courses for self esteem, but over the years have seen various self help courses offered for a variety of subjects. Most are very expensive for what they are and the material is usually available in similar self help books you can get at the library (do they still have libraries?)
What they do is to compress the information into into a two or three day course, so that you can go home an implement the strategies they teach.
You're probably right that it's not like a car wash where you come out the other end a changed person, but rather you are given the soap and mitt to use on your own in the days and weeks to come.
What they do is to compress the information into into a two or three day course, so that you can go home an implement the strategies they teach.
You're probably right that it's not like a car wash where you come out the other end a changed person, but rather you are given the soap and mitt to use on your own in the days and weeks to come.
Thanks Steve. I often worry about the effect of crash-courses, at least for me. I guess others find them helpful or they wouldn't be so popular but I think given my propensity toward certain things I would do better with with a slow, gradual, supervised approach.
Interesting stuff.
Interesting stuff.
Turtle,
Have a lookat the numerous resources and articles on Psychology Today: What is Self Esteem to see if there is anything of interest.
Have a lookat the numerous resources and articles on Psychology Today: What is Self Esteem to see if there is anything of interest.
I don't know if a single weekend of anything ever completely fixed my somewhat fragile self-esteem. I can say, though, that over the years things that I have done have accumulated and my self-esteem is probably better than it would've been if I hadn't tried these things...
- toastmasters...
- taught children creative writing, drawing, crafts, etc (if you have a talent you can teach others too)...
- during my courses at university (Arts Education) I took modern dance, folk dance, participated in dance workshops, creative writing workshops, presented workshops, did presentations...
- in working for the City in the summers I took First Aid courses and something called "Leadership Courses" which talked about everything from considering children's games for different cultural backgrounds, age groups, economical background, physical challenges, etc...
- sang in my school choir, performed in Christmas plays, played a musical instrument through school (French Horn), etc
I also was too young for school... I was still 17 when I started university... So although I did present a portfolio and was accepted through that, and got 80s and 90s in most of the art classes, I was terrified about the end of the course (we were supposed to do an art show of OUR stuff and then "DEFEND" it -- the wording scared the crap out of me, as I was way too thin-skinned)... Also I didn't fully understand some of the professor's expectations, or didn't like that all they talked about was themselves, and then I totally lacked motivation for some of my hated courses or less interesting courses... I muddled through those with 50s and maybe 60s... I totally lacked the how-to because I barely tried in high school and got great marks. In university I actually had to TRY!
Anyway, I took off three years and then went back and changed my degree. And I did it on my own. I felt overly-controlled by my mother. So I got loans. It took a lot longer to pay off, but it was worth it because she wasn't breathing down my neck yelling at me about my marks... I had some time to grow up and took my courses MUCH more seriously.
Maybe there is something you can take on that doesn't necessarily mean you have to partake in something work-related... Like a course in the arts or technical skills or cooking or something... If you are already good at something, maybe consider teaching it in a small classroom in your local community centre. It's probably WAY less expensive and way more meaningful to learn something you actually LIKE and gain confidence and esteem independently...
If you like animals, you could even volunteer at an animal shelter; if you love kids, you could volunteer at schools or libraries; love outdoors and gardening, maybe you could look into landscaping or work in a greenhouse and get knowledgeable about plant care....
Ya know what I mean? Did I over explain? lol
- toastmasters...
- taught children creative writing, drawing, crafts, etc (if you have a talent you can teach others too)...
- during my courses at university (Arts Education) I took modern dance, folk dance, participated in dance workshops, creative writing workshops, presented workshops, did presentations...
- in working for the City in the summers I took First Aid courses and something called "Leadership Courses" which talked about everything from considering children's games for different cultural backgrounds, age groups, economical background, physical challenges, etc...
- sang in my school choir, performed in Christmas plays, played a musical instrument through school (French Horn), etc
I also was too young for school... I was still 17 when I started university... So although I did present a portfolio and was accepted through that, and got 80s and 90s in most of the art classes, I was terrified about the end of the course (we were supposed to do an art show of OUR stuff and then "DEFEND" it -- the wording scared the crap out of me, as I was way too thin-skinned)... Also I didn't fully understand some of the professor's expectations, or didn't like that all they talked about was themselves, and then I totally lacked motivation for some of my hated courses or less interesting courses... I muddled through those with 50s and maybe 60s... I totally lacked the how-to because I barely tried in high school and got great marks. In university I actually had to TRY!
Anyway, I took off three years and then went back and changed my degree. And I did it on my own. I felt overly-controlled by my mother. So I got loans. It took a lot longer to pay off, but it was worth it because she wasn't breathing down my neck yelling at me about my marks... I had some time to grow up and took my courses MUCH more seriously.
Maybe there is something you can take on that doesn't necessarily mean you have to partake in something work-related... Like a course in the arts or technical skills or cooking or something... If you are already good at something, maybe consider teaching it in a small classroom in your local community centre. It's probably WAY less expensive and way more meaningful to learn something you actually LIKE and gain confidence and esteem independently...
If you like animals, you could even volunteer at an animal shelter; if you love kids, you could volunteer at schools or libraries; love outdoors and gardening, maybe you could look into landscaping or work in a greenhouse and get knowledgeable about plant care....
Ya know what I mean? Did I over explain? lol
Or I'm just confusing...
I don't know, I guess my confidence isn't the same as self-esteem...
I may APPEAR confident, but I sometimes don't think very well of myself...
But I think, sometimes, that even if I don't appear confident, I will do my best, and then I will feel better about myself for challenging myself and proving to myself that I CAN do something. I even occasionally surprise myself... Does that make sense?
But I guess that's technically LACK of confidence, and going ahead and doing something anyway, and then feeling good about myself after...
Don't mind me, I have a migraine right now... I somehow don't think I am making much sense right now... Or before when I first posted that reply... 8P
I don't know, I guess my confidence isn't the same as self-esteem...
I may APPEAR confident, but I sometimes don't think very well of myself...
But I think, sometimes, that even if I don't appear confident, I will do my best, and then I will feel better about myself for challenging myself and proving to myself that I CAN do something. I even occasionally surprise myself... Does that make sense?
But I guess that's technically LACK of confidence, and going ahead and doing something anyway, and then feeling good about myself after...
Don't mind me, I have a migraine right now... I somehow don't think I am making much sense right now... Or before when I first posted that reply... 8P
Lol it's ok, Jolly. I don't know if confidence and self-esteem are the same thing,or if having self-esteem also means having an ego. I know what I'm good at but when others question that or challenge me I crumple. I can't stand up for much, and I totally conform to others expectations so they'll like me. Ive always said I'm basically a chameleon - I just blend into my surroundings and conform. I am socially inept and avoid social situations like the plague. I spend a lot of time people-watching and trying to figure out how to be like others.In short, I've always felt a bit "apart" from people -socially detached - and I'm not sure which came first - do I lack self-confidence because I'm socially detached or do I socially detach because I lack confidence? Or does it matter?
Hm, maybe it's a bit of a spiral... If you pretend/act confident, it might inspire confidence.
I am pretty sure if one is genuinely confident about something, then that is good for their self-esteem. I do agree/understand though about not being confident about certain things and feeling very vulnerable... But I suppose I need to let go of what might happen and actually find out what will actually happen... Otherwise I am just avoiding it because I fear it... Which I don't like to do...
I was like that too, especially when I was younger. I am just starting to take risks and getting new friendships started... Awkward! 8D
I went out for lunch today with a co-worker, she had me over to her house. She is very nice, and an awesome cook (she is from India and the food was heavenly!)... I was a bit worried that she was a bit needy, but like my therapist said, it's probably good to take chances even if we are a little shy/afraid... Just to see what happens...
Nothing ventured, nothing gained! 8)
I am pretty sure if one is genuinely confident about something, then that is good for their self-esteem. I do agree/understand though about not being confident about certain things and feeling very vulnerable... But I suppose I need to let go of what might happen and actually find out what will actually happen... Otherwise I am just avoiding it because I fear it... Which I don't like to do...
I was like that too, especially when I was younger. I am just starting to take risks and getting new friendships started... Awkward! 8D
I went out for lunch today with a co-worker, she had me over to her house. She is very nice, and an awesome cook (she is from India and the food was heavenly!)... I was a bit worried that she was a bit needy, but like my therapist said, it's probably good to take chances even if we are a little shy/afraid... Just to see what happens...
Nothing ventured, nothing gained! 8)
lol That, I understand... Sometimes I feel like a fraud about things... And feel I don't deserve things....
I have learned recently that I must actually be decent at my job... Stats don't lie, so even though I told my manager I thought he might be sugar-coating my stats on my performance evaluation, he proved me wrong by showing me the measurable stats... lol I couldn't argue that...
Being authentic... Hmmm... Or what if you ARE authentic but you refuse to believe it? lol
Hmm, well, I feel like I'm constantly acting,parroting other people so I will blen in and look less awkward. I'm fine at work - I know I'm good at what I do and I know the company guidelines. At my other job my boss makes me feel like crap a lot but I have no problem telling her when she does. I dunno, i think it's mainly a social thing...maybe.
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