hi i find that when it comes to going out with a friend i decide that it would be better if i stayed at home because i see myself as a ugly person who repeles women i dont seem to have the confidence to look at myself any differently could this b down to been bullied as a child please help me as i need an answer
- Thread starter jimbud
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confidence in meeting people
Welcome to the site, Jimbud. I see I am the first one here!
I think that any repeated negative experience that you suffer as a child will have a negative effect on your self-esteem when you become an adult. I am only speaking from personal experience here, however.
If the bully or bullies constantly told you that you were no good or ugly or stupid or worthless over and over again when you were growing up, I can definitely understand how that would make you feel inferior as an adult.
I am willing to bet that you are not ugly at all. It seems like maybe you just feel "ugly" inside. I know what a horrible feeling that can be, and how it sort of paralyzes you from making any overtures towards other people or from taking an interest in new and different activities. My problem actually wasn't that I thought I was ugly, but that I thought I was worthless. I'm sure it feels about the same way. I didn't want to have anything to do with people because they would see how useless I was. I didn't want to go out at all and I would be very anxious if I had to be with a group of people.
Take a look around when you are in a crowd, though, Jimbud. Most ordinary people, men and women, boys and girls, are not spectacularly beautiful or handsome. Sure, there are some that will stand out, but the rest (adults anyway) make the best of what they've got and maybe try to improve the areas where they see they can make improvements. We don't all look like TV stars. You know what draws me to people? Not whether they are handsome or beautiful, but their character, the way they deal with others, the way they handle themselves in tricky situations, the way they take care of themselves, the way they speak and move, and whether they make those around them feel at ease. These are the qualities I look for in someone I want to know better. These are inner good qualities that I look for in people. I have little use for outward appearances.
There are a lot of people who feel the same way as I do.
Welcome to the site, Jimbud. I see I am the first one here!
I think that any repeated negative experience that you suffer as a child will have a negative effect on your self-esteem when you become an adult. I am only speaking from personal experience here, however.
If the bully or bullies constantly told you that you were no good or ugly or stupid or worthless over and over again when you were growing up, I can definitely understand how that would make you feel inferior as an adult.
I am willing to bet that you are not ugly at all. It seems like maybe you just feel "ugly" inside. I know what a horrible feeling that can be, and how it sort of paralyzes you from making any overtures towards other people or from taking an interest in new and different activities. My problem actually wasn't that I thought I was ugly, but that I thought I was worthless. I'm sure it feels about the same way. I didn't want to have anything to do with people because they would see how useless I was. I didn't want to go out at all and I would be very anxious if I had to be with a group of people.
Take a look around when you are in a crowd, though, Jimbud. Most ordinary people, men and women, boys and girls, are not spectacularly beautiful or handsome. Sure, there are some that will stand out, but the rest (adults anyway) make the best of what they've got and maybe try to improve the areas where they see they can make improvements. We don't all look like TV stars. You know what draws me to people? Not whether they are handsome or beautiful, but their character, the way they deal with others, the way they handle themselves in tricky situations, the way they take care of themselves, the way they speak and move, and whether they make those around them feel at ease. These are the qualities I look for in someone I want to know better. These are inner good qualities that I look for in people. I have little use for outward appearances.
There are a lot of people who feel the same way as I do.
thankyou
thankyou this was the first time i have said this to anyone other than my father who just assumed that i was been stupid its just nice to know that i am not the only person who as suffered like this. im a very sensitive person so it really has affected me in an emotinal way and i have previously self harmed in the past which i recieved short term counseling for, but more and more now i can remember the feeling of relieve that self mutilation gave me and although i wouldn' put my familly through that again it is always on the back of my mind.
thankyou this was the first time i have said this to anyone other than my father who just assumed that i was been stupid its just nice to know that i am not the only person who as suffered like this. im a very sensitive person so it really has affected me in an emotinal way and i have previously self harmed in the past which i recieved short term counseling for, but more and more now i can remember the feeling of relieve that self mutilation gave me and although i wouldn' put my familly through that again it is always on the back of my mind.
confidence in meeting people
You're definitely not the only one! Practice makes perfect, dear. Practice also breeds confidence. I used to have absolutely NO self-confidence when I was younger. It's only been in the past few years that I've spent looking deep into myself that things have changed. Now, there are times when I still don't feel strong enough to do certain things. I try not to push myself too hard. But I *do* make an effort to get out there. The more you do, the easier it becomes.
Please come back often. We'll always be here to pump you up!
You're definitely not the only one! Practice makes perfect, dear. Practice also breeds confidence. I used to have absolutely NO self-confidence when I was younger. It's only been in the past few years that I've spent looking deep into myself that things have changed. Now, there are times when I still don't feel strong enough to do certain things. I try not to push myself too hard. But I *do* make an effort to get out there. The more you do, the easier it becomes.
Please come back often. We'll always be here to pump you up!
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