Connections

[forgetmenot]

I can't really explain this pain i feel I have pain when someone connects to me almost fear

I have terrible emotional pain when someone decides to leave

I don't understand because i have always been independent cared for myself I have never needed anyone to take care of me so why do i care if they come and go really.

Connections to some are important more and more connections to me are distrustful bringing only so much emotional pain into one life i can't see the logic in allowing oneself to be connected to anyone now.

I guess abandonment issues maybe but i don't get it why now after all these years i have been independent of everyone why now do i care if i have anyone in my life or not

sorry just thinking things out again pros to connection and cons to connections I am glad for the connections i have made but the pain they brought back i don't think i can handle any more pain. safety was always a must always keep one safe. i don't expect a response okay i don't i just trying to get thoughts out because logic says stay safe now okay stay safe because when one is totally drained safety is a good place

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: connections

Since I don't know about attachment, I am only reminded of the ancient belief in a phlegmatic personality type, which is now referred to as an amiable personality. One example of this may be Mary Tyler Moore. Such individuals are said to value harmony and constancy more than others and so are more upset when there are changes in the group or status quo.

 

[forgetmenot]

Yes this personality is somewhat me except i can make firm decisions especially in my work field i have no difficulties there. I definitely just want harmony surrounding no conflicts thanks as i read it takes all 4 personalities to make a team work i am just one of the personalities that help harmony exist.

 

[Murray]

Violet, I felt so sad reading your post. Opening up and making connections does seem to just invite pain sometimes. It can be easier to not let anyone in and keep yourself safe and protected, I have lived that way for so many years. Other than my husband I have never let anyone else in. Sure I had acquaintances, and was "friendly" with people, but never made myself vulnerable. It was too risky. Lately I have been trying to make more connections because I realized that I was lonely. The funny thing was that even though I was trying not to open myself to any risk I was still getting hurt, so it wasn't worth being so alone and closed down. People's inevitable rejections still hurt even though I kept my distance, but I never had the pleasure of any positive interactions...no feelings of closeness and caring with anyone. So, now I am trying to put myself out there knowing that it will mean I will most likely get hurt, but I will also have some good connections to balance it out. It is still a struggle for me every day to attempt to connect with people. I constantly want to run and hide because I just know that at any moment the inevitable rejection will come, but so far I have been pleasantly surprised. I can totally understand why you would want to avoid connections and more pain for yourself, but I don't want you to be lonely. You have so many people in your life that you care for, you need to find some connections with people that will take care of you.

i am just one of the personalities that help harmony exist.

I thought this was a great sentiment. Being someone that helps harmony exist is a wonderful thing.

I read that article. It was pretty interesting and can't decide if I am a melancholic or a phlegmatic personality.


Anyway, sorry for rambling on here. You are such a warm, caring person I just want the best for you. I hope nothing I said offends you.

 

[forgetmenot]

I constantly want to run and hide yeh me too a mechanism used so many times i don't know if one truly understands the pain the deepness of it when one thinks they have failed yet again or they have done something to merit rejection to merit being thrown aside I agree with yur statement that even when one tries to prevent this pain it seems to happen anyways so isolating oneself does not guarantee protection I think one tries so hard and say this time it won't happen this time the connection wil work will be real then when it isn't oh when it isn't all the pain not from jus tthis failure but from the rest comes back 10 fold then the fight is even harder to pull oneself esteem back up again. I have met kind people here and i truly do not understand the meaning of friends not as they see it but then my thinking is distorted when it comes to people in general. I don't understand how people just walk away how they lock people out i don't understand why there has to be cruelty at all anger yes at one self but cruelty now i am rambling on Just know i think you are very intelligent you are able to see and understand when others do not i am lucky to have met you and others here some connections can be very healing take care okay for now i need saftey but i am sure when i am stronger i will try again.

 

[forgetmenot]

why does it hurt why i don't really truly know the people i connect to on forums and they really do not know me so i guess it is easier for them to walk away
I should not feel this sadness inside me i should not be sad but i am

I am grateful for the kindness they did show me while they were able to i just wished they would have said goodbye first give me some heads up that they were leaving so i did not feel so thrown aside

 

[Retired]

i just wished they would have said goodbye first give me some heads up

The reality with online connections, as opposed to real life personal connections, is that we have no way of knowing what changes have taken place in their lives.

Consider the possibilities...temporary or even long term illness, hospitalization, relocation, workplace demands, travel, computer failure, power outage, new family responsibilities..the list can go on and on.

I don't think we can apply the same perspectives to acquaintances we make in online venues as we do to personal real life relationships. There are just too many unknowns, and although most people are honest and genuine, in online connections, there is the possibility that people may not be who they pretend to be.

Unless someone has given you good reason to feel disappointed in them, I think you can only speculate about their unexplained absence.