Crash!

[Banned]

I think I just emotionally crashed. I don't understand how I could have just had an absolutely amazing five days, with great moods every day, and now, I'm crying. Over nothing. I woke up feeling fine and then things have just been getting progressively worse all day and it's only 1pm.

I could end it. It's always my default thought. I'm looking over at my desk, and right there, I have the means. The thing is, I know this mood will shift at some point, and I won't keep feeling like this.

But I WANT to get better. I just feel like I never will. I want to give my T a chance to help me, but I feel like there's nothing anybody can do for me. It's the cycle of my life - high, low, high, low, high, low. Never in either state for more than a few days (sometimes hours) at a time.

It's frustrating, because I can't trust my emotions. I know I'm low now, so I act on these feelings. But what I do now could influence what happens when I'm in a good mood. When I'm in a good mood, I make plans and set goals, but when my mood crashes, they go out the window.

Still, I can't do nothing. I can't not have goals because I know I'll crash anyway.

I just want some stability, some normalcy, and maybe a few less tears. Normally I like roller coasters, but not emotional ones.

 

[Daniel E.]

It's the cycle of my life - high, low, high, low, high, low

When you say "high," do you mean hypomanic or something like that? Or just feeling more like your old self? If it's the former, meds are usually the best thing for that since what goes up, will (often) come down. So you may want to see about a med change or adjustment.

In any case, there is a ton of self-help stuff for managing/treating depression, including the popular books by David Burns.
Of late, another popular book that has been a bestseller:

The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

Other popular books:

The most popular items in Depression. Updated hourly.

 

[crzycadn]

Hi Turtle,

Boy I feel for you. I have been there so many times. I wake up feeling great and then something snaps and I am in tears or worse, and there is absolutely no way to snap myself back. The more I try to stop crying, the more I cry.

You know what helped my yesterday? I read some of the jokes on this website. I know - it sounds trivial, but honestly, it helped! The one about potatoes cracked me up. Please just try it. Focusing on these funny jokes may help you refocus on your last 5 happy days.

Also, you're own ending quote from Carl Jung may help evaluate what you are feeling.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Daniel E.]

When I'm in a good mood, I make plans and set goals, but when my mood crashes, they go out the window.

Besides books and therapy for "psychoeducation" or just reminders, there is a lot of good material in the forum as well, of course, including the following that addresses the issue of goals:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depression/19387-dealing-with-depression-self-help-and-coping-tips.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depressi...new-specialized-treatment-for-depression.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depression/18959-depression-and-diminished-capacity-for-pleasure.html

To save time, I also search the forum using Google site search, e.g.

site:forum.psychlinks.ca/depression crashing OR crash OR crashed
site:forum.psychlinks.ca/depression goals OR goal
psychlinks.ca dopamine rewards


At Psychology Today, there is at least one new blog post every day about some tip related to managing depression. So I am an avid reader there

Of course, I also like anything by or about Marsha Linehan since she has good advice about chronic issues and dealing with relapses, e.g.

Video Clip: Opposite Action: Changing Emotions You Want to Change
Video Clip: From Suffering to Freedom: Practicing Reality Acceptance
Videos > Psychotherapy

 

[NicNak]

Hi Turtle. I am sorry you crashed. I am glad you are talking about it though :2thumbs: I really feel for you. :support:

I am coming through the "end of the dark tunnel" myself just the past few days. Lately when I am feeling that way, it has helped to talk about it when I can (like you just did) and as you are doing, reflecting on the good days and holding on tight, reminding myself that in a few days usually the darkness lifts.

Sending you support Turtle.

 

[white page]

Turtle I haven't anything useful to add, sending you support though, and remember that it is
possible to stabilize with the right combination of meds,I know that patience is difficult when your emotions are all over the place like this.
I agree with NN , you did well to talk about your present distress here.
take care wp

 

[Banned]

Thanks guys. I had a quasi-nap, and I feel a teeny, tiny bit better. I think it's from sitting around all weekend - my thoughts catch up with me and I start to go crazy. I'm back to work tomorrow and will be fine again once I get back to being busy.

 

[NicNak]

Thanks guys. I had a quasi-nap, and I feel a teeny, tiny bit better. I think it's from sitting around all weekend - my thoughts catch up with me and I start to go crazy. I'm back to work tomorrow and will be fine again once I get back to being busy.

That is something I forgot to mention helps me too. :zzz: sleep and naps.

Glad you are feeling a bit better Turtle.

 

[forgetmenot]

Glad to see you feeling better and yes work is great for distraction.

 

[Banned]

When you say "high," do you mean hypomanic or something like that? Or just feeling more like your old self?

I wasn't hypomanic, no. We don't even know for sure if I'm bipolar or not. I was just feeling really happy and settled all week, I felt calm and in control of my thoughts. I didn't feel confused or sad or anything.

Today, I pretty much feel the opposite, but it'll pass.

I don't know why I post about it anymore, to be honest. I know it'll pass, and there's not much to do except wait for it to pass. I'm like a yoyo all day today. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.