Sonnenblume
Member
Hi!
First of all - a'm not unhappy, i've just got confused in myself. I'm 21 and very lonely.
Here is a sketch.
1) I have no sincere friends. I have nobody whom i believe to be interesting enough to spend time with. Thougt i have some people with whom i sometimes go somewhere or just chat. But it is all out of fear to stay alone. Actually i don't need them. And the people i fancy, people, whom a really value, don't recognise me, because i'm rathes self-conscious and sociaphobic, so, i can't open, show myself as i want to. I've thied hard to fight this shyness, but it dind't work the way i wanted to.
2) Because of my solitude i spent much time on reading, developing my personality, thinking by myself - and this made me to a very fine person. I perceive the world in a very thin, poetic and vulnerable way. I notice and feel thousands of details every moment - and this makes me be a bit too much proud of myself, of yhis quality. This builds another gap between me and other people.
3) I have no map in my mind. I don'n know,what is really good, and what is bad. I like postmodern art.
4) I have no boyfriend.
5) I really hate everything i have enumerated, i want to change myself.
The only thing i want ko keep is the ability to feel fine.
I want to get a friendly and open-hearted person, i want to care for other people, at least to notice them. I want to get in touch with people, to find friends, to meet my love, to look into the future with hope.
I don't want to stay in my poetic and vulnerable personal space alone any more.
Please, could you advise me, how to act?
First of all - a'm not unhappy, i've just got confused in myself. I'm 21 and very lonely.
Here is a sketch.
1) I have no sincere friends. I have nobody whom i believe to be interesting enough to spend time with. Thougt i have some people with whom i sometimes go somewhere or just chat. But it is all out of fear to stay alone. Actually i don't need them. And the people i fancy, people, whom a really value, don't recognise me, because i'm rathes self-conscious and sociaphobic, so, i can't open, show myself as i want to. I've thied hard to fight this shyness, but it dind't work the way i wanted to.
2) Because of my solitude i spent much time on reading, developing my personality, thinking by myself - and this made me to a very fine person. I perceive the world in a very thin, poetic and vulnerable way. I notice and feel thousands of details every moment - and this makes me be a bit too much proud of myself, of yhis quality. This builds another gap between me and other people.
3) I have no map in my mind. I don'n know,what is really good, and what is bad. I like postmodern art.
4) I have no boyfriend.
5) I really hate everything i have enumerated, i want to change myself.
The only thing i want ko keep is the ability to feel fine.
I want to get a friendly and open-hearted person, i want to care for other people, at least to notice them. I want to get in touch with people, to find friends, to meet my love, to look into the future with hope.
I don't want to stay in my poetic and vulnerable personal space alone any more.
Please, could you advise me, how to act?
