I can conceive of change, and I believe I have felt change (even though I have probably experienced drastic change before, my brain wants to not believe this time in my past for some reason), but I am not even sure if I can change drastically. Lately, these last few days, I have felt somewhat of a steep change in my line of thinking. Many times in the past this has happened to, and it has always been due to medication. I have always felt as if I have changed drastically in my mood or demeanor, which is why I feel like life has a lot of complexity. I am still worried though that I cannot catch up to people in the way that I'd like. Is dramatic change in a person even possible? I've read a lot of accounts saying that personality is fixed, but I'm getting conflicting answers, because I also told that you can change yourself. How likely is it that a human being can undergo an overhaul or conversion in their thinking? I certainly FEEL like it has happened to me in the past, but I have never had people directly acknowledged it; though I remember many times people saying my behavior was erratic--shifting from one extreme to the other and I can certainly recall prolonged periods of anxiety in my life and prolonged periods of intense excitement.
I still feel like my life is unfolding. I still want to change it drastically. But in the end I may learn that I am a slave to a less than satisfactory life, and I may learn that given the footing I was on at the outset of life, or what occurred later in life, permanently made it so that I am not able to catch up. It's like being put into a game that's automatically tilted or rigged.
However, I am someone that has immense self-awareness and have had great control over my emotions in the past, but sometimes I would be oblvious to this change, just because life has felt like one seamless thing, droning on and on, lately. I would like to think that I CAN change drastically, and change fast (as to opposed to gradual), and it's a matter of learning the things that I feel like I've missed....that is causing me to see the big picture broken; I still feel like I have a blinder over me, and things are slowly but surely starting to unfold. But then, like I say, I get smitten with self-doubt...because I am not even sure if an individual my age is able to change and whether or not we are 'fixed' around this point to some extent.
I still feel like my life is unfolding. I still want to change it drastically. But in the end I may learn that I am a slave to a less than satisfactory life, and I may learn that given the footing I was on at the outset of life, or what occurred later in life, permanently made it so that I am not able to catch up. It's like being put into a game that's automatically tilted or rigged.
However, I am someone that has immense self-awareness and have had great control over my emotions in the past, but sometimes I would be oblvious to this change, just because life has felt like one seamless thing, droning on and on, lately. I would like to think that I CAN change drastically, and change fast (as to opposed to gradual), and it's a matter of learning the things that I feel like I've missed....that is causing me to see the big picture broken; I still feel like I have a blinder over me, and things are slowly but surely starting to unfold. But then, like I say, I get smitten with self-doubt...because I am not even sure if an individual my age is able to change and whether or not we are 'fixed' around this point to some extent.