AmZ
Member
Every weekend I deal with self-harm urges. Very strong ones at that.
I feel myself getting closer to doing something all the time.
In all honesty, I want to be seen by someone. For someone to understand the pain I am going through.
I tell the nurses I'm not feeling well and I most of the time don't even get a response. I feel unseen and unheard.
That's where I get crazy ideas in my head too, to go and lose my temper with the nurses and do something (not physically to them) but to smash something or do something. That'll get me wound up in the closed ward for sure.
I know that I use SI instead of using words because words don't come so easily, especially when it's not a weekday and I can't go and speak to my psychologist or psychiatrist in English.
I hate the weekends here but I don't feel well enough to go to my sister's. And I have no family home in the country which would be a good weekend retreat for me.
My dad and wife want to move here but can't afford it. At least for now before they retire. The distance between us is very difficult. But they are flying out for a couple of weeks on the 22nd November so I am looking forward to seeing them. They're going to be invited to the hospital to have a meeting with all of the staff and I'm fretting about it a bit because all my family say that I have been failed by the hospital, that's the way they see it. They want to take me on the plane on the way home with them to be with them in North London.
As usual, I have my excuses and reasons as to why I don't want to go to the closed ward. I push myself as much as I can to not to anything because I really don't want to go there.
American psychosis woman is back in the hospital and she's back in the closed ward. She drives me crazy. But I am choosing that over my own safety which I know isn't good.
I've just got to ride this weekend out and keep calm.
Sorry, just some thoughts.
I feel myself getting closer to doing something all the time.
In all honesty, I want to be seen by someone. For someone to understand the pain I am going through.
I tell the nurses I'm not feeling well and I most of the time don't even get a response. I feel unseen and unheard.
That's where I get crazy ideas in my head too, to go and lose my temper with the nurses and do something (not physically to them) but to smash something or do something. That'll get me wound up in the closed ward for sure.
I know that I use SI instead of using words because words don't come so easily, especially when it's not a weekday and I can't go and speak to my psychologist or psychiatrist in English.
I hate the weekends here but I don't feel well enough to go to my sister's. And I have no family home in the country which would be a good weekend retreat for me.
My dad and wife want to move here but can't afford it. At least for now before they retire. The distance between us is very difficult. But they are flying out for a couple of weeks on the 22nd November so I am looking forward to seeing them. They're going to be invited to the hospital to have a meeting with all of the staff and I'm fretting about it a bit because all my family say that I have been failed by the hospital, that's the way they see it. They want to take me on the plane on the way home with them to be with them in North London.
As usual, I have my excuses and reasons as to why I don't want to go to the closed ward. I push myself as much as I can to not to anything because I really don't want to go there.
American psychosis woman is back in the hospital and she's back in the closed ward. She drives me crazy. But I am choosing that over my own safety which I know isn't good.
I've just got to ride this weekend out and keep calm.
Sorry, just some thoughts.
