Faking symptoms and treatments

[tina555]

Hello I've just joined the group and was hoping to find some help in dealing with a good friend who has cancer. She is supported by a small group of friends...no family. We believe she has cancer, but her extensive list of symptoms and treatments just don't make sense.

We know we can't change her, but are looking for ways that we might try to continue to support her, yet not buy into all the "stuff" that sounds just too crazy to believe.

She has a history of being accused of M?nchhausen By Proxy when her child was young.

How can we set some boundaries for ourselves without causing more acting out or possibly causing more problems for her adult disabled child? It's really kind of a mess! thank you

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's a tricky one.

Have you tried ignoring her and changing the subject when she goes into the more blatantly implausible areas of conversation?

 

[tina555]

That would be a good response, but because she has no family and an adult handicapped daughter the stakes are higher. We deal with changes in guardianship, a federal trust ,temporary care for both our friend and her daughter, transportation, meals, financial aspects, power of attorneys ....the whole ball game! On any given day she can come up with a new plan or hospital, out of state plans of care and those of us who support her change our lives to attempt to care for her and her adult daughter. It's disruptive, manipulative, disturbing. We never know what's real or what might be just a trick for attention. This has been ongoing for many months. We worry that we may miss what might be real for her and worry that her daughter is not getting the attention she needs as all focus is on "our patient". Several of our group of friends have their own health and family challenges, but these seem to take a back seat as her symptoms take priority.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

This sounds complicated and very risky indeed.

It seems to me you're going to need on the scene professional help to deal with this sitiuation. I don't even know where to start to advise you.

 

[Retired]

She has a history of being accused of M?nchhausen By Proxy when her child was young.

Was this an official diagnosis or speculation?

Many of us have medical backgrounds

What is your area of medical expertise? Have you had this person evaluated by a psychiatrist and what is the extent of your legal commitment to this person?

A helpful resource might be Munchausen syndrome - MayoClinic.com

 

[tina555]

Good Morning
Thanks for your inquiry.
We have briefly seen old documents related to her legal accusation of MBP. She was not convicted. This stemmed from some treatment of her disabled daughter when she was young.
In our "circle" we have an oncology RN, hospice RN (myself), and physical therapist.
I am legal guardian of her daughter and her trust (if she should die), another in the group have been designated the "hands-on" caregiver. I am POA if she should become incapacitated only. Another provides the meals. Another shops and runs errands.
She, however, will not allow us to see her meds, any treatment orders, allow us to accompany her to the hospital or MD appointments. We don't even know who her physician is! She also "plays " us against each other to sort of stir up the pot. We have recognized this and try not to allow it to affect our relationships with each other as we try to hold together for her support and the care of her daughter.
We have no real proof of any of her many cancer dx or treatments or tests. And there are MANY. DAILY.
Many of the treatments and procedures make no sense. The oncology nurse is baffled by the claims she makes. She has been caught outright lying many times, yet doesn't seem bothered by it.
The involved of a psych professional of any sort would not be accepted by her at all.
I feel like I'm venting here...but it feels great!
Again, this has been ongoing for nearly a year with no end in sight.
Thanks for listening and for any thoughts you may have.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Given that you have assumed certain legal responsibilities, what do you think would be the outcome if as a group you indicated that you require certain information and confirmation of her status as a condition of continuing the legal arrangements (i.e., caretaker, power of attorney, etc.)?

Indeed, I'm not a lawyer but as the POA is there not some way to determine her mental and medical status as a way of determining whether or not she is still competent? It might be worth checking out your legal status with a lawyer.

 

[Retired]

Tina,

Getting a legal opinion seems like your best initial course of action. A legal opinion would guide you as to your rights and to the authority you can exercise over this woman's affairs. There may be some civil based authority in your jurisdiction, so you may wish to consult with local social services as well.

It seems you need to establish some boundaries and ground rules with this woman if you are to continue providing your valuable service to her and to her daughter.

Does the daughter live with her mother or independently?

Do you see your primary responsibility to the daughter or to the mother, or both equally?