G'day

[TheNachtjager]

Hello. My name is Jon aka TheNachtjager. I'm here to chat with other people about what I have and listen to other people about their challenges too. I have obsessive disorder, I say that because I am not compulsive. It's been incredibly difficult to work with and has been a nightmare for the last 10 moths, but I'm happy to say that things are getting better.
Anyway, I'm happy to be a part of Psychlinks and hopefully it will continue to help. Take care all. Happy posting

Jon

 

[Jazzey]

Welcome to Psychlinks Jon. :welcome:

 

[ladylore]

:welcome2: to Psychlinks.

Glad things are getting better for you and I look forward to seeing you around in the forums.

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Jon. :welcome: to Psychlinks

Glad you joined us

 

[Andy]

WELCOME:goodjob:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome, Jon. What sort of things do you obsess about?

 

[TheNachtjager]

well, I'de kinda like to keep those details private, but you posted a very informative article about obsessive-compulsive disorder and I obsess over the traditional/stereotypical things that are mentioned in there, like being afraid that I'm going to hurt someone, or being afraid that something will happen to a loved one, etc. in the last 10 months I've had the worse bout with it than I've ever had before in my life.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Jon. Many of us can relate to the Obsessive-Compulsive disorders. Many of us here are coping with it or have in the past.

If it is that you are embarassed of your Obsessions, I would like to assure you that no one here would judge you for that. The vast majority of the members here, including moderators are mental health patients too.

You need not share anything you are not comfortable with sharing, but I just wanted to assure you that no one would judge you here, if that is what you were unsure of.

I myself have had a rough go with OCD. One thing is that OCD is treatable, it is awful the feeling of it, I know that well too. But with treatment those intrusive thoughts can subside When they fade away with treatment, it helps us to be able to find ways to cope with them when the edge is off.

Are you currently seeing a therapist regarding your Obsessions?
Do you have medication that helps?
These are important factors in helping one cope with OCD. No need to answer if you are not comfy, no worries.

 

[TheNachtjager]

that's very heartfelt of you, Nicnak. Thank you. I'm actually not embarrassed to talk about them, but I read in the forum rules that if I mentioned what I think about, it would break the forum rules, so I thought it be wise not to, considering this is my first day here, lol.

But if it's ok though, I've been under the fear that I'm going to kill someone because in my estimation, that's the worst thing anyone can do in life. This whole thing started 10 months ago when I had a nightmare that I had done those things and it sent me downward from there.

Sometimes I still have nightmares about that and they usually ruin my day when they come around. I saw a therapist for a while who was pretty useless because she didn't understand what was going on and din't realize the seriousness of what I was going through. I saw her when this thing was at its worst and she only saw me once every 2 weeks (what was she thinking? I should have been seeing someone daily).

Then I saw a counsellor for a long while and he helped a bit. After that, suicide hotline told me to see my doctor, which led me to a psychiatrist who got me on some medication which helped, and right now I've eased myself off it because I am feeling a lot more comfortable with myself and days are getting better. Right now I'm just at the stage where I am learning to not take the intrusive thoughts so seriously, as they shouldn't anyway.

So anyway, there's my full story. Currently on no meds or therapy.

If I may ask, what was your bout with OCD like?

 

[Jazzey]

I read in the forum rules that if I mentioned what I think about, it would break the forum rules, so I thought it be wise not to, considering this is my first day here, lol.

Actually, we encourage members to talk about what they're thinking. But we also ask that they do so in a manner that doesn't breach the rules. I read your post and wonder if you're referring to the rule about no graphic details?

In any event, please feel free to share your thoughts if you'd like to, with the proviso that you stay within those rules. Sharing on this site provides help to others because sometimes other people are also struggling with some similar issues and don't have the courage to share.

But again, I say all of this TNJ only to say that you can share if you want to.

 

[Retired]

If I understand correctly, you fear you might kill someone because you had a nightmare about killing someone ten months ago, is that correct?

Are you targeting someone in particular or do you feel it could be random and unprovoked?

Dreams do not necessarily reflect reality and are not predictors of the future, so the things we dream about should not be related to the reality of daily life.

However if these intrusive thoughts interfere with your daily life, your activities and your ability to function, then it would seem that professional counseling would be advised.

Why have you abandoned all the resources who have been working with you the last ten months?

which led me to a psychiatrist who got me on some medication which helped, and right now I've eased myself off it because I am feeling a lot more comfortable with myself and days are getting better

Did the psychiatrist advise you to stop taking your medications and conclude you were able to resume activities medication free, and cease any follow up therapy?

 

[TheNachtjager]

If I understand correctly, you fear you might kill someone because you had a nightmare about killing someone ten months ago, is that correct?

Are you targeting someone in particular or do you feel it could be random and unprovoked?

Dreams do not necessarily reflect reality and are not predictors of the future, so the things we dream about should not be related to the reality of daily life.

However if these intrusive thoughts interfere with your daily life, your activities and your ability to function, then it would seem that professional counseling would be advised.

Why have you abandoned all the resources who have been working with you the last ten months?



Did the psychiatrist advise you to stop taking your medications and conclude you were able to resume activities medication free, and cease any follow up therapy?

That is correct. The nightmare triggered the whole thing to happen, but I also don't beleive that dreams mean anything, but they still have the power to put me in certain moods, like watching a movie.
I haven't targeted anyone in particular, but random people have been targeted for short periods of time throught the 10 months, but all one at a time. So for example, if I became afraid for your safety for 3 weeks, after a while I'de let that go and become afraid for someone else's.
I've left my councelling because I feel that going to them and talking about it more is only making it seem more real. In a way it feels as though I'm just digging the hole bigger and bigger. Like I said with my first therapist, she was useless, and the second man was helpful but it got to a point where he couldn't tell me anything new. So they couldn't help me anymore anyway. But ever since I did leave my councellors and eased myself off my medication, things have been getting much better. And now that I know that I have OCD, I'm learning the tools to keep it from attacking me in the future.

 

[Jazzey]

I read your post TNJ and can't help feel that you're justifying leaving therapy. I too have been to therapists (social workers and psychologists) with whom I didn't feel I made much progress. I just didn't click with them. Maybe these weren't the right counsellors for you?

I'm only saying this because I think sometimes we need "good" assistance and guidance. Maybe you just haven't found the right therapist yet? I am concerned about you're ceasing all of this and taking your mental health care into your hands... Some issues simply need the help of a good psychologist or psychiatrist. I personally believe that OCD is one of these (and again, that's a personal viewpoint - I'm not a doctor)

There's a French proverb which states that you always blame the dog you drown of having rabies. Meaning that when you're not willing to do something, you find a good reason to justify not doing it. I used to blame my "dog" of having rabies for years and wasted many precious years not working on my issues. I do hope that you won't do the same.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Jon. I didn't find your post graphic at all, no worries.

Interms of the forum rules, it is graphic details that we make sure to not post. If there are things in a post, us moderators will edit it out the graphic details. The post you made was just stating things factually.

The reply below I have made, you can see that I stated how things were with OCD, but I left out unnecessary graphic details. That is what the forum rules mean, you can still say what is you are thinking.

So here is the answer to your question:

My bout with OCD was a lot of racing thoughts, bad things like you mentioned. Thinking I was going to hurt people accidently and dreaming of horrible things that were so far away from anything I thought I could even imagine, let alone actually do.

Little day to day things would have almost a continuation of horror in my mind. Even seeing a car drive close by would make me imagine a worse case scenerio of what "could have happened". Example if they car went out of control etc.

Sleeping was filled with songs running through my head, as well as conversations from months or years before, flashbacks of memories. I still have this at moments, when trying to sleep. It is like a Sm?rg?sbord of awful things.

Waking up half way through panic attacks in full panic mode after having a nightmare.

Medication does help, I think that is why I am so for medications as well as therapy. With the intensity of some OCD symptoms it is very difficult. The medication was litterally a heaven send for me. I was able to go for quite a long time stabalized on medications with very little of my OCD symtoms resurfacing. I was on Luvox for about five years, with very good success. I had a bad relapse of the OCD symtoms and had to start taking Risperidal to relieve the symptoms. I was on Risperidal for another four before going off Risperidal.

Jon, I will advise you though, it is very important you speak to your doctor before lowering your dosage or going off your meds. Often times once we find relief from the symptoms we feel that we are fine now and off we go. Medications for these types of conditons are like any other medications. Often times we continue on with the medications even once the symptoms have subsided. Consider it like maintance

If your doctor is on board with the decrease, just try to be aware of the symptoms you had before. If any of them arise again, see your doctor immediately.

As awful as OCD symptoms are, there are many good medications that work to help relieve the symptoms. Thank goodness!

I am still currently on anti depressant and anti anxiety medication.

Nice to see you back Jon.

 

[TheNachtjager]

thanks for the advice, but I can assure you that it's not that I am trying to avoid going to see a therapist, it's that thus far they haven't helped a lot and I found I am making good progress on my own. They're always there if I need it anyway.

---------- Post added at 07:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:33 PM ----------

yeah, I agree with your concern about going off my medication. I have been taking seroquel on a very low dosage which has helped a little bit. I find that there's not a significant difference between being on it rather than off, but perhaps I'm wrong.
I'm sorry to hear about your bout with OCD, what is Luvox and Risperidal like? How do those work?
I tried prozac for a short time too and the affects they had on me were EXTREMELY negative. Those are the only meds I've been on.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Jon. Luvox was great, for me. Luvox, I believe is mostly prescibed for OCD. But as with anything, things react different for each person. I also was on Prozac and it was great too.

Risperidal is an anti-psychotic, it was helpful at the time and I did need it when I had a bad OCD relapse. It did take some time to adjust to Risperidal. More so than the others, but it is a different type of medication too, so I expected that.

Thank you for your kind words. The OCD is mostly silent now, so that part is a-ok!

Do you still see the Psychiatrist Jon? Did you find the Psychiatrist to be helpful? I see a Psychiatrist on a regular basis. Is it possable for you to see the Psychiatrist again?

How long have you been on the seroquel Jon? Sorry if you said that already and I forgot or missed it. It does take sometimes up to 8 weeks to feel full effectiveness from medications. So it could till be in the process of working depending on when you started it.

 

[TheNachtjager]

thats good that your bout with OCD is over
of course, I can see any of my counsellors or therapists again anytime I want.
I was on the seroquel for about 3 months and decided to ease myself off just a month early because it was my last re-fill anyway. I still have several 25mg tablets left just in case I have a bad day or something and need to sleep early.

 

[NicNak]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes the OCD is quieter now. I still have cycles of it, but not like I once did.

The reason I am concerned Jon, is cause I know how brutal OCD can be. That isn't something that anyone needs to suffer from. I am glad you seem to be coping better now.

Just always remember, it is best to check with your doctors, first, before doing anything. I think I already asked this, but is there anyway you can make an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss the medication again? There are other options if you feel this one isn't helping as much as you would like.

It is so important Jon. I will tell you, I once went off my OCD meds thinking I would be fine without them. I lasted 6 months without them and I spiraled very fast. I tried in a panic to go back onto Luvox, but this time it did not help. That was when I switched to Prozac and luckily had success again with that.

That taught me, not to go off my meds without proper follow up from my doctors. When we are going off meds, they have to monitor us for relapse. The doctors can see things before we can usually.

The last time I lowered a dosage was over a year ago. This time, each dosage level I was monitored very closely by my family doctor and my psychiatrist for symptoms or relapse.

I do not want to preach cause, ultimately the decision is up to you, what you do. I just hope you will consider what we have said.

We are all here for you Jon. I wish you all the best :support:

 

[TheNachtjager]

well anyway, my OCD is very much halted right now. Mainly I'm here because I'd like to talk to other people who have OCD and help them through their bouts.

 

[ladylore]

Great to have you on board.