Hey! Well what can I say. PTSD has had a hold on me for many, many years. When I grew up, back in the dark ages, there was no diagnosis or even acknowledgement of what happens when people face traumatic experiences. I have been through the proverbial wringer, experienced tooooooo much personal trauma and seen, been witness to others being traumatized.
Never knew why I was the way I was. Believed, as a child, that I was not okay in some way. I was always sad, fearful, felt emotions of loss, loneliness, worthlessness.... I grew up and still had difficulties...but the latest attack on my life has brought about memories and flashbacks that threatened the fabric of my life.
It's been a battle, but now I realize where it all comes from...the healing must now begin. To say that I have gone through a metamorphisis of change is putting it mildly. I have fought depression, anxiety because of the traumas..I became bitter, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed.. the whole mess.
Now I am short tempered and can't take anybody's garbage, what I call it,. I don't want to deal with their weaknesses, can't handle small slights and have grown numb to the word "LOVE". SOOOO! I know I need help. My soul has been ripped asunder and only the shell lives. Guess this is my protection..build a wall of iron, I suppose.
Anyhow! Tell you more as I go.
The only good thing about this last traumatic event is that I am no longer making excuses for other people's bad behaviors and it made me search for the real me.
Never knew why I was the way I was. Believed, as a child, that I was not okay in some way. I was always sad, fearful, felt emotions of loss, loneliness, worthlessness.... I grew up and still had difficulties...but the latest attack on my life has brought about memories and flashbacks that threatened the fabric of my life.
It's been a battle, but now I realize where it all comes from...the healing must now begin. To say that I have gone through a metamorphisis of change is putting it mildly. I have fought depression, anxiety because of the traumas..I became bitter, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed.. the whole mess.
Now I am short tempered and can't take anybody's garbage, what I call it,. I don't want to deal with their weaknesses, can't handle small slights and have grown numb to the word "LOVE". SOOOO! I know I need help. My soul has been ripped asunder and only the shell lives. Guess this is my protection..build a wall of iron, I suppose.
Anyhow! Tell you more as I go.
The only good thing about this last traumatic event is that I am no longer making excuses for other people's bad behaviors and it made me search for the real me.
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