Happily ever after? Not really, many wives say

[Daniel E.]

Happily ever after? Not really, many wives say
Woman's Day
June 24, 2009

Survey: Most have considered leaving husband, and other shocking finds

When asked whether they think their husband is their soul mate, 52% of wives said no. And, according to the survey, a whopping 72% of women have considered leaving their husband at some point.

All you need is love? Lennon and McCartney may have thought so, but women know better. Ask any of us and we’ll readily admit that wedded bliss isn’t always so blissful. That’s just one of the secrets more than 35,000 women revealed when Woman’s Day and AOL Living teamed up to find out what really goes on behind closed doors.

The fairy tale fantasy
We can’t get enough of those “boy meets girl and the rest is history” stories in the movies, but destiny and fate don’t play much of a role in real-life love. At least that’s what the majority of you think.

When asked whether you think your husband is your soul mate, 52% of you said no.

For better or worse
Although a whopping 72% of you have considered leaving your husband at some point, and more than half of you (57%) sometimes regret marrying him, you’re still in it for the long haul: 71% of you expect to be married to your spouse for the rest of your life.

Are men like fine wine?
Apparently not. Nearly half of you (46%) admit that your husband has changed for the worse since you said “I do.” About a quarter of you (26%) are luckily married to men who’ve actually gotten better with age. And the rest? 28% of you say your spouse is the same as the day you married him.

Should couples stay together for the sake of the children, no matter what? 79% of you said no, 21% said yes.

[The above is an excerpt. See the article for charts and additional survey results.]

 

[Daniel E.]

From a related Psychology Today blog post:

In spite of all the negativity, 71% of the women surveyed say they expect to be married to their spouses for the rest of their lives. I think this shows that women are very savvy and they know that by working to overcome or work around these problems, they can keep all the benefits and advantages that come with being married.

All love relationships are complex. They bring the highest highs and lowest lows. This is why love is such a fantastic crucible for growth.

Discussing the State of Marriage on the Today Show

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I suspect that there are more than a few husbands who should have been surveyed - they would have said the same things.

 

[Jazzey]

That's actually quite depressing guys.

 

[Into The Light]

About a quarter of you (26%) are luckily married to men who’ve actually gotten better with age. And the rest? 28% of you say your spouse is the same as the day you married him.

that adds up to 54% of same/better vs. 46% worse. that matches up with the approximate divorce rate of 50%.

 

[Into The Light]

jazzey, i don't find it surprising. people in general have issues. lots of people don't do anything about those issues. also, all marriages have their ups and downs. what percentage of women was in a down period when surveyed? i am sure that would affect their answers.

 

[Jazzey]

I agree ITL. But I wish the stats were a bit better. What can I say? I'm still a bit of a romantic at heart...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I agree ITL. But I wish the stats were a bit better. What can I say? I'm still a bit of a romantic at heart...

No need to give that up.

The key is to

1. know what you want
2. don't settle for less
3. don't marry for the wrong reasons (security, fear of being alone)
4. if you're unhappy, don't stay for the wrong reasons (security, fear of being alone)

Most people can't even pass #1. And that makes marriage pretty much hit or miss.

Good relationships do exist. And most bad ones can be improved. But both people have to know what they want and to be willing to do what is necessary to achieve that.

 

[Jazzey]

But both people have to know what they want and to be willing to do what is necessary to achieve that.

I personally think that the 'working on it' part makes people give up. So maybe the key is to find someone who has the same philosophy in working on the relationship, rather than thinking that "it'll fix itself"?

...personal experience, maybe a little jaded...

 

[Into The Light]

So maybe the key is to find someone who has the same philosophy in working on the relationship, rather than thinking that "it'll fix itself"?

i think you're right on, jazzey.

 

[badeth]

We don't have to generalize coz there are still some marriages that become successful. However, if you've been in the trauma of divorce, keep in mind that hope is essential to moving on. Look forward with hope instead of backward with resentment. A bad attitude keeps you closed off and does not promote new ways of approaching life.