Hi. I am new from the UK.

[moneypenny]

hi everybody i live in the uk in Yorkshire near Skipton.I have just viewed this forum an even though i dont know my way around here at the moment,i am happy to be here.I actually found this forum becauce of a problem i am having with my mother,who after years of wondering what is wrong with her an why i am invisible in her world ...i now have a name for the problem.I think she may be a narcisst!! we will see.I am 54 an still under her control,an since my father died last year,she has got worse.I am on here becauce of interest also i need a little support,as i am very mixed up at the moment.I hope to find peace an try to understand mum,an i look forward to being involved in your forum,so bye for now moneypenny

 

[Retired]

Re: hi i am new from the uk

Welcome to Psychlnks moneypenny! Glad you found us and hope you might find some answers as well as the support you might need.

Have a look around the Forum, and if you need any help with navigating the Forum software, let us know. Also the FAQ's can help in solving navigation questions.

Feel free to join in any ongoing discussion or start some of your own.

Does your Mother live with you?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: hi i am new from the uk

Hi welcome to the forum moneypenny

 

[moneypenny]

Re: hi i am new from the uk

Thanks for welcoming me,my mother does not live with me,she lives near my sister "the golden child".My sister is younger than me by 12 years.Mum had my sister with her second husband,i was her first child,an i was always blamed by mum for my dad leaving her,she used to say to me when i was young,your dad left me becauce i had you!!! I have always been blamed,but my sister can do no wrong,but mum will say bad things to me about my sister if sis hasnt been down with her tea e.t.c.The problem is i live a long way from my sister an we never get together to talk about whats going on...to the point mum will say my sister doesnt want to speak to me,an then she tells my sister i dont want to speak to her.The lies mum tells is difficult to un ravel,she has early althzeimers so blames this for everything,she can say she doesnt remember what she said if i tell her back a lie she has told my sister or me.Example i took her flowers mum said to me "i dont like flowers take them back" to my sister she said "have you seen the beautiful flowers your sister has bought me!!! I am now 54 an feel 10 when i see her.I have a wonderfull hubby,we have been together 35 years.Mum still pretends she doesnt know his name,calls him everythibg but his correct name.Honestly i cant believe i am telling you all this,many exaples of er nastiness to me.I keep going back for more. mum made a mistake of upsetting my son who went to visit,he is 25, I looked at mum an for the first time i didnt love her as i should an i know this now,an i feel dreadfull. Im upset noew but ive got that off my chest as we say in uk. penny

 

[AmZ]

Welcome

 

[Budoaiki]

Hi moneypenny,

welcome. I have had some issues with my own mother and I think it's very important to separate how you feel about your mother's actions and how feel about her to avoid the guilt of hatred and the burden that type of anger can bring.

 

[Thehurtstopshere]

Welcome. I live in the USA now and have for 20 yrs but was born and raised in Glasgow, Scotland. I am also the daughter of a NM. I hope for your sake that you have other family support or friends in your life who actually SEE and HEAR you. I only want to caution you that the spectrum with a NM is varied and dont take random advice from people who dont know exactly what you face.....for some, talking to mum and having her around while you heal is fine but for people like me it would have been very UNSAFE ...as I had to cut all ties. Glad you are here...and just knowing where you are is making me crave a fruit sausage..hee hee not available in USA! I go back to Glasgow every few yrs used to go yearly when gran was alive.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

mum made a mistake of upsetting my son who went to visit,he is 25, I looked at mum an for the first time i didnt love her as i should an i know this now,an i feel dreadfull.

Hey there moneypenny, there's no reason to feel badly about your mom when she mistreats your son (or you for that matter).

I know we are all raised, in general, to adore and obey mothers, but I think that might be only the majority (of "normal" mothers). Let's put this another way: if you have/had a psychopath or a narcissistic raising you or in a relationship with you (mother or other), if people knew the truth about it and truly understood what you are going through that they'd actually support your decision to get the heck away from that person...

'Course the problem is they're such good actors, it's hard for some people to believe what's really going on, and when people view the situation from the outside, and only hear one side of the story, well, that's the tough part for us on the short end of the stick. Also there are a few insiders in the family who think the only way to keep peace is to let her rule them and they enable her. Not a good combination for support, I would say.

Maybe you could start off checking these out for a little more support... Some of the links below are also already in this forum...

Other related groups:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/daughtersofnarcissismoms/
Login - Daughters Of Narcissistic Moms

lol Some validation to prove you aren't crazy:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/narcissi...18104-getting-over-a-narcissistic-mother.html
Mothers with narcissistic personality disorder - Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Narcissists Suck: "Best Of" Posts on Narcissists Suck
Narcissists Suck: Forgiveness
Gaslighting - An Abuser's Favorite Tactic - NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
Narcissists Suck: To cut off from a parent, or not....that is the question
Is God Really Telling Us To Honor Abusive Parents ?

Hopefully that will get you started! 8D

*hugs*

---------- Post added at 07:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:36 PM ----------

Oops, I keep doing that... Should mention that anything "diagnosed" online or through reading and research should also be confirmed by an actual psychologist or other qualified individual. Hopefully you have confirmed or are getting confirmation, because if you haven't it isn't a good thing to act on unconfirmed information. Just want to make sure that was clear...

 

[moneypenny]

hi everyone thanks for your support on here..I have tried to back off a little,trouble is she is not well an been in hospital for the last month.Of cource i am the bad daughter if i dont visit..when i do visit she is "asleep" talking in her supposed sleep about the bad daughter she has got,shouting out to the staff not to talk to me.The staff just say she is confused a little....yeah i know better i have had years of this,i just nod my head an agree with the nurses,some of the nurses say to me that mum is calm an lovely when my sis visits,i cant win. see ya x

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Well, just because she says you are a bad daughter doesn't mean it's true. Maybe you should just stop going. Sounds like the other sister is the Golden Child and can do no wrong. Bleah. I was an only daughter, so she hated me the most (I assume I reminded her the most of herself), she seemed to give preferential treatment to my brothers but then would moan to me about how much trouble it was to raise them... B;ah blah blah... lol

 

[je9je9]

Hi Moneypenny. I am new here too. I can relate to people saying, "Well she's old." They don't understand. I feel for you with the Alzheimer's.