Holidays

[Nikii]

Wasn't really sure what forum to post this in...Just feeling blah, blah, blah. Every year I trudge dutifully home for the holidays. It's not all bad, and is actually one of the few times the folks and I get along. This year is a little different. This year I'm angry and upset. This year my PTSD is making it difficult for me to relate to them. This year flashbacks to child abuse and incest makes it impossible to rationalize, or come up with excuses for their behavior. This year I'm in therapy, and have been working hard to put a life that was going down hill thanks to years of stuffing feelings and ignoring issues back together. This year I'm struggling with my decision not to go home for the holidays.

I've been dealing with some awful flashbacks, and going home seems like a dangerous thing to do. My folks live out in the country, near a small town, in the Alberta prairies and it means isolation, no internet, spotty cell, and zero support resources. My therapist will support my decision no matter what I decide, but I think she is in favor of me not going. Maybe I am too...it seems like a no-brainer, but doesn't make the decision easier. So many feelings that crop up.

I suppose in the end I'm making a decision that for once in my life...takes my own well-being into consideration...which is possibly why I'm having such a hard time. I don't know. I just feel awful right now, and needed to vent. Thanks for listening

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Like your therapist, I would also recommend that you think very seriously about not going home this year. At best, it is likely to be extremely stressful and triggering.

 

[forgetmenot]

You have to do what is best for YOU hun okay
If there is a relative you can stay at where you feel safe and wanted then perhaps you could stay with them and
if you want to see other members of your family that you miss
If not then like stated perhaps staying away from all those triggers of your pass would be the best thing
I hope whatever you choose you stay safe okay you have a contact number you can call if you get to overwhelmed with your emotions.

 

[Budoaiki]

Hi Nikii,

I agree with your therapist, Dr.Baxter and Eclipse; it's perfectly o.k. not to go. By the sounds of it you still have some healing to do so look after yourself first then you will be able find more joy in the time you choose to spend with your family.

 

[Nikii]

Thanks everyone. I did make the decision not to go, which was difficult but necessary. I don't have any other family to spend the holidays with, but have some good friends to hang out with. It's hard to heal when you are in a place-with people- that is/are part of the problem. I may not like all of the feelings involved, but at least I can deal with them on healthy terms now.