BluMac81
Member
This has been an issue for about a year now, but the underlying issues date way back to childhood. I'm in this situation, where I'm stuck in a sleep pattern that is generally going to bed a 4am and waking up at 2pm (I have evening classes at the university). It's become a problem because most of the day is gone by the time I wake up and get dressed and all. It contributes to my depression as well, because the hours between 1am and 4am are very lonely hours during the weekdays, if I'm stressed or panicing, who do I call? So I'm utterly alone and that is really devistating to me.
To understand the problem, I should mention that I am a full-on insomniphobe. The techinical term is psychophysiological insomnia, but many previous occurances of lying in bed scared to death about whether I will fall asleep or not (which elevates my heart rate, and in turn makes it so I don't fall asleep to begin with). I know this sounds silly to some people, that I would be panic-stricken if I don't fall asleep, but it is very real to me, as in numerous situations in the past I experienced a cascading anxiety effect upon the very thought of 'will I not be able to sleep tonight?', in the past I have had experiences where I was awake for 3 days straight because each time my head hit the pillow, my heart would start racing and next thing I know I'm in a panic attack (which keeps me from sleeping), I would dread even seeing my bed, because the very experience of panic is utterly devestating and I fear a repeat.
If you imagne this... it's 3am on a weekday, I need to go to bed for some early, very important chores the next day... anxiety starts building up as I come closer to bedtime, I down my handful of medications (including 3mg lunesta, 2mg xanax, 1kmg Ibprofen, 2 Roboxin, 3 cyclobenzaprine (those are muscle relaxents), and 2 prazosin (for nightmeres)), I go to bed, nearly shaking as I enter the bed, I try to distract my mind with stories or memories but the thought keep coming back to me: "will I not be able to sleep tonight and experience a night stricket with awful panic attacks and I'll be 'crippled' the next day due to lack of sleep, and during the day continue to panic especially as the next bed time comes around?" With that in my mind, I get out of bed and start pacing, panicing.... is there anyone to call for help? No, it's 5am on a weekday, I'm alone in this. That's the fear, thats the phobia, as irrational as it sounds, it exists in me.
So, sorry that was a bit long, but to help me wtih this problem you need to know that background. I want to shift from going to bed at 4am to 1:30am during this spring break. I want to do this because for one I feel I would be able to 'get more out of my day' instead of spending 3-4 hours in soluitude in the wee hours of 1am-4am when most have gone to sleep. I want to be able to get out in the sunshine and enjoy activities with friends, not get up at 3pm and realize all my friends and family have already made plans and the sun is almost gonna go down. This is all also compounded by the fact that I am afraid of sleep because I get some horrific nightmeres, mostly PTSD related, disturbing dreams from the Afgan war and all that.
Now, the problem is that when I go to bed earlier than usual, it triggers that anxiety I spoke about ealrier, and often despite going to bed earlier, I still toss and turn until I fall asleep at the regular time (for me), 4 or 5am. I've tried that numerous times and it worked out just like that. So I'm trying to find a solution for this.
My idea is that over spring break I will decrease what time I go to bed by 30 minutes each day, until Saturday when hopefully my bed time will be 1:30am. My concern is that the 30 minutes, even, will once again trigger that anxiety avalanche (as I call it), and once again I'll toss and turn till 4am. I really want out of this rut. Any and all advise would be welcome. You can tell this is a very big issue for me just by the length of this post, I'm sure... lol. So please, any suggestions are welcome, and anyone who has experienced the same thing, I'd like to hear from you too.
Thanks,
Matt
To understand the problem, I should mention that I am a full-on insomniphobe. The techinical term is psychophysiological insomnia, but many previous occurances of lying in bed scared to death about whether I will fall asleep or not (which elevates my heart rate, and in turn makes it so I don't fall asleep to begin with). I know this sounds silly to some people, that I would be panic-stricken if I don't fall asleep, but it is very real to me, as in numerous situations in the past I experienced a cascading anxiety effect upon the very thought of 'will I not be able to sleep tonight?', in the past I have had experiences where I was awake for 3 days straight because each time my head hit the pillow, my heart would start racing and next thing I know I'm in a panic attack (which keeps me from sleeping), I would dread even seeing my bed, because the very experience of panic is utterly devestating and I fear a repeat.
If you imagne this... it's 3am on a weekday, I need to go to bed for some early, very important chores the next day... anxiety starts building up as I come closer to bedtime, I down my handful of medications (including 3mg lunesta, 2mg xanax, 1kmg Ibprofen, 2 Roboxin, 3 cyclobenzaprine (those are muscle relaxents), and 2 prazosin (for nightmeres)), I go to bed, nearly shaking as I enter the bed, I try to distract my mind with stories or memories but the thought keep coming back to me: "will I not be able to sleep tonight and experience a night stricket with awful panic attacks and I'll be 'crippled' the next day due to lack of sleep, and during the day continue to panic especially as the next bed time comes around?" With that in my mind, I get out of bed and start pacing, panicing.... is there anyone to call for help? No, it's 5am on a weekday, I'm alone in this. That's the fear, thats the phobia, as irrational as it sounds, it exists in me.
So, sorry that was a bit long, but to help me wtih this problem you need to know that background. I want to shift from going to bed at 4am to 1:30am during this spring break. I want to do this because for one I feel I would be able to 'get more out of my day' instead of spending 3-4 hours in soluitude in the wee hours of 1am-4am when most have gone to sleep. I want to be able to get out in the sunshine and enjoy activities with friends, not get up at 3pm and realize all my friends and family have already made plans and the sun is almost gonna go down. This is all also compounded by the fact that I am afraid of sleep because I get some horrific nightmeres, mostly PTSD related, disturbing dreams from the Afgan war and all that.
Now, the problem is that when I go to bed earlier than usual, it triggers that anxiety I spoke about ealrier, and often despite going to bed earlier, I still toss and turn until I fall asleep at the regular time (for me), 4 or 5am. I've tried that numerous times and it worked out just like that. So I'm trying to find a solution for this.
My idea is that over spring break I will decrease what time I go to bed by 30 minutes each day, until Saturday when hopefully my bed time will be 1:30am. My concern is that the 30 minutes, even, will once again trigger that anxiety avalanche (as I call it), and once again I'll toss and turn till 4am. I really want out of this rut. Any and all advise would be welcome. You can tell this is a very big issue for me just by the length of this post, I'm sure... lol. So please, any suggestions are welcome, and anyone who has experienced the same thing, I'd like to hear from you too.
Thanks,
Matt
