David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
How to Cope With the Loss of a Pet
by Anxiety Girl
July 23, 2015
There I sat on the porch. With my dead cat.
Yes, you heard me right.
You see, Jack (who had been in kidney failure) had disappeared into thin air four days before. An all -out search and rescue had become a search and recover.
We scoured the house from top to bottom. Under tables, in cracks and crevices, and even in the box springs of Jack’s favorite bed.
Still nothing.
Convinced that Jack was nowhere to be found, the Kitty Seals exited the premises.
In truth, the toughest things in life seem to happen when you’re alone. It’s as if the universe wants you to learn a lesson in inner strength.
Caught up in an Orange is the New Black marathon, I gripped the remote in anticipation of the next turn. And then I dropped it.
That little mishap changed everything.
A full-on blood curling scream escaped my lips as I saw his beautiful, white fur. Unsure where to go, I immediately ran outside. Reality was too much to handle.
“How could this happen?” I cried.
In truth, it was the one place we didn’t look. Why would we? There’s no way a living creature could ever fit underneath the nearly nonexistent clearance of the TV stand.
But there he was, curled up as if he was sleeping. My life had changed in an instant.
So there I sat. On the porch with my dead cat, concerned neighbors soon at my side.
And then they took him away.
In the weeks that followed, I stumbled through a roller coaster of hurdles. It was an up and down process with no clear end in site.
As as result, three critical life lessons boldly emerged.
If you or someone you know is facing the loss of a pet, remember these three things.
1. Look for other “pet people.”
Some people get it-and some definitely don’t. Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse than trying to discuss the loss of a fur baby with a non-pet person. Not only do they not understand, they have no clue what to say. If you’re going to open up, find someone who loves pets as much as you do. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than feeling like you’re not heard.
2. Limit reminiscing to the good times.
The mind is a powerful thing. For days, the moment I found Jack looped in my head like a horror movie. It replayed over and over. Through this experience, I realized something critical. It’s easy to get stuck on sickness and the moment of death. But what good does that do? It only adds unnecessary suffering. Once I changed my focus from loss to love, the road to recovery got easier. Focus on the love you had and have for your pet. Think about the good times. Grieving in a healthy manner is a choice.
3. Feel the pain.
We all want to escape the pain of loss. And why wouldn’t we? It hurts. Sure, it’s easy to shove the pain of loss under the rug. However, if we don’t experience it, we never fully heal. So allow yourself to feel this pain. Cry, get angry, write letters to your pet. Do whatever you need to do. Trust me, this makes the process of healing a lot shorter in the long run.
In closing this post, I want to share some wise words of wisdom that a friend shared with me during this more than difficult time. I hope that you will find these words as comforting as I did.
by Anxiety Girl
July 23, 2015
There I sat on the porch. With my dead cat.
Yes, you heard me right.
You see, Jack (who had been in kidney failure) had disappeared into thin air four days before. An all -out search and rescue had become a search and recover.
We scoured the house from top to bottom. Under tables, in cracks and crevices, and even in the box springs of Jack’s favorite bed.
Still nothing.
Convinced that Jack was nowhere to be found, the Kitty Seals exited the premises.
In truth, the toughest things in life seem to happen when you’re alone. It’s as if the universe wants you to learn a lesson in inner strength.
Caught up in an Orange is the New Black marathon, I gripped the remote in anticipation of the next turn. And then I dropped it.
That little mishap changed everything.
A full-on blood curling scream escaped my lips as I saw his beautiful, white fur. Unsure where to go, I immediately ran outside. Reality was too much to handle.
“How could this happen?” I cried.
In truth, it was the one place we didn’t look. Why would we? There’s no way a living creature could ever fit underneath the nearly nonexistent clearance of the TV stand.
But there he was, curled up as if he was sleeping. My life had changed in an instant.
So there I sat. On the porch with my dead cat, concerned neighbors soon at my side.
And then they took him away.
In the weeks that followed, I stumbled through a roller coaster of hurdles. It was an up and down process with no clear end in site.
As as result, three critical life lessons boldly emerged.
If you or someone you know is facing the loss of a pet, remember these three things.
1. Look for other “pet people.”
Some people get it-and some definitely don’t. Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse than trying to discuss the loss of a fur baby with a non-pet person. Not only do they not understand, they have no clue what to say. If you’re going to open up, find someone who loves pets as much as you do. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than feeling like you’re not heard.
2. Limit reminiscing to the good times.
The mind is a powerful thing. For days, the moment I found Jack looped in my head like a horror movie. It replayed over and over. Through this experience, I realized something critical. It’s easy to get stuck on sickness and the moment of death. But what good does that do? It only adds unnecessary suffering. Once I changed my focus from loss to love, the road to recovery got easier. Focus on the love you had and have for your pet. Think about the good times. Grieving in a healthy manner is a choice.
3. Feel the pain.
We all want to escape the pain of loss. And why wouldn’t we? It hurts. Sure, it’s easy to shove the pain of loss under the rug. However, if we don’t experience it, we never fully heal. So allow yourself to feel this pain. Cry, get angry, write letters to your pet. Do whatever you need to do. Trust me, this makes the process of healing a lot shorter in the long run.
In closing this post, I want to share some wise words of wisdom that a friend shared with me during this more than difficult time. I hope that you will find these words as comforting as I did.
“The only way to completely heal and move on is to fully embrace the pain by letting it arise and pass. Through this, we can see the beauty of both love and loss. We could not experience love without the reality of impermanence – and we cannot fully understand impermanence without the pain of love lost. “
