How to deal with criticism about your body

[David Baxter PhD]

How to deal with criticism about your body
by VOXXI Mujer
Monday, March 5, 2012

Most of us have had to deal with criticism about our bodies at some point in life.

“Honey, you would be so much happier if you just lost twenty pounds.”

Sound familiar?

Perhaps you have family members who lament your weight all of the time- no matter your size. At your thinnest, they say you should gain weight. At your heaviest, they say you should work on getting back to your high school weight. And so they tell you over and over again, “You would be so much happier if…” or “you would be so pretty if…” and you’ve bought the message because why else would they be telling you this unless it were true.

Why they torment you
Allow me to translate “you would be so much happier if you just lost twenty pounds” for you. It actually reads, “I would be so much happier if you just lost twenty pounds.” Except, here is the kicker: until whomever is tormenting you about your appearance is happier with him or herself, they will never be happy. But, somehow, projecting their own issues on other people seems to empower them, even if briefly, and at the expense of making you suffer.


"Today, let go of other people’s standards, of other people’s rules,
and make room for a life and beauty of your own understanding."

Understand this essential truth: It is never about you.

When someone comments about your physicality, it is never about you. It is about her, about the story she has told herself about her appearance, about the narrative she is choosing to live.

“How can this be true?” A thin, tall student asked me once, tears pressed into the corner of her eyes. “A guy I work with told me I was too skinny. That he could never find me attractive because of how skinny I am. How can that be about him?”

I tenderly assessed her tears, hoping she’d understand so that his words wouldn’t wound her anymore.

“What are you too skinny for?” I asked her.

“For him to think I am beautiful,” she answered, wondering if I had gone mad and missed her earlier explanation.

“That’s right, honey. For his definition of beauty. For his understanding of things. He’s the one that has made it a rule to see beauty in just one way. He is the one incapable of admiring anything outside of the beauty box of his understanding. He is the one that feels beauty has to have that narrow definition. Not you.”

Her mouth formed an O. She got it.

What to do with others? criticism about your body
Over the years, it is likely that someone has said something to you about your appearance. It is also likely you took it to heart- that you are wearing that criticism as if it is the law.

I want you to set yourself free from a truth that is not yours. When someone tells you that you are not good enough because of your hair, your eyes, your weight, your height, you are being judged based on what she believes to be true, by her own insecurities. When you feel good about yourself, you have no need to put others down, do you?

Today, let go of other people’s standards, of other people’s rules, and make room for a life and beauty of your own understanding.

Related: You are beautiful just the way you are

 

[adaptive1]

I am glad I read this, been on a long journey of self acceptance and it is hard to be comfortable in your own skin. Being a tall woman I am often aware of the physical difference when I stand next to someone and I end up feeling large. I wonder why I have the perception that smaller is better and where that came from? Why do we think we are more of a person when there is less of us? OR, is it just me that has these thoughts. I often thought my life would be better if I was thinner, but history has shown me that is not the case, I never felt thin enough and happiness was always ten pounds away.

It is hard to go against the masses in a dieting culture and be happy with where you are and when you feel like you are getting there other people impose their beliefs on you that you need to be a certain size or weight. Thats why I do like this article quite a bit. I just wish I could do what they suggest

 

[GDPR]

Perhaps you have family members who lament your weight all of the time- no matter your size. At your thinnest, they say you should gain weight. At your heaviest, they say you should work on getting back to your high school weight. And so they tell you over and over again, “You would be so much happier if…” or “you would be so pretty if…” and you’ve bought the message because why else would they be telling you this unless it were true.

Thanks for bumping this up adaptive1, cause I don't think I would have seen it otherwise.

I am so glad I read this. Especially the part I quoted. I almost cried when I read this part because according to my mother, I am never the 'right' size. I'm either too skinny,and look sick,and if I gain a little, I'm told I need to watch what I eat. There's never anything in between though. I've never been told I look good or healthy. Once, I got up close to 130 pounds, the heaviest I have ever been, and even though it was probably a healthy weight(since I'm pretty tall),it was horrible and disgusting to her. When I was only like 95 pounds, I wore 2 pairs of pants and 3 or 4 shirts around her, trying to look how I thought she would approve of. But no matter what size I was/am, it's never good enough.

If I am understanding what I read, this is about her and her own issues with herself and her own insecurities, and not even about me? Really? Cause if that's true, then maybe I can stop trying to find that 'perfect' size. Then maybe my cheekbones aren't really too high or too low, maybe my hair does look ok, maybe the way I smile is fine, maybe the way I talk is ok, and maybe every other thing about me isn't so bad and it's just her.