I know for certain I would be a much happier and healthier person if I could not allow what others do bother me so much. How do you find that strength and wisdom to let things go? I can't stop not having certain people in my life that get to me. I was told once that when you can free yourself of negative thoughts and worries, you will be at peace. I can't ignore their bad behaviour and being assertive doesn't always work because they act offended or don't get me? How do you all handle people that get on your nerves or make you mad?
- Thread starter annie1967
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David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Reframing how you view the person and the behavior can help.
See The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns.
See The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns.
I have issues sometimes with saying "no" to people for the same reasons. But I've also learned to limit time with people who annoy me. It could be a boundary issue.
Guilt: you feel bad about yourself if you don't help people who need help... But what about yourself? Why do they not respect "no" from you?
Fear: of not being accepted when you stand up for yourself... Are these people going to be angry with you, abandon you, etc? On the other hand, if they are allowed to demand things of you, but never do anything for you in return, are you really losing something if they are angry or stop hanging around with you? Maybe they're doing you a favour: it opens up opportunities to form new and possibly healthier/balanced relationships with people who are more empathetic and less "it's all about me."
Resentment: you are tired... SO tired... People are pulling you in too many directions. You don't know what to do, you feel overwhelmed and you don't understand why people can't see why. Don't they care that you're already doing more for everyone else than they do for you? Don't they get that, just like anyone else, you need some "me" time. It's not selfish to have some time to yourself to recharge... How the heck else are you going to do all these things everyone else wants you to, especially if you're burnt out or get sick, or stressed out?
And as mentioned above: exhaustion, mental fatigue, feeling physically ill or making yourself more susceptible to viruses, anxiety, maybe even depression... Anger: I feel used, I wish they would let me be, etc... Sad: Doesn't anyone love me? Why do I feel like they all want me to love them, but they don't love me? Frustrated: GAH! My mind is too full of lists of all the things I have to do for everyone else... What about ME? Self-doubt: Maybe I should do these things, because I might be a bad person if I don't... Or at least that what my "friends" make me feel. They make me feel bad about having healthy boundaries. Is it really me? Or is it them who has the problem? Or is it a little bit me and a little bit them?
I posted this in another thread, but maybe it will help you, too...
7 Ways to Protect Your Energy & Enforce Healthy Boundaries | Psychology Today
Guilt: you feel bad about yourself if you don't help people who need help... But what about yourself? Why do they not respect "no" from you?
Fear: of not being accepted when you stand up for yourself... Are these people going to be angry with you, abandon you, etc? On the other hand, if they are allowed to demand things of you, but never do anything for you in return, are you really losing something if they are angry or stop hanging around with you? Maybe they're doing you a favour: it opens up opportunities to form new and possibly healthier/balanced relationships with people who are more empathetic and less "it's all about me."
Resentment: you are tired... SO tired... People are pulling you in too many directions. You don't know what to do, you feel overwhelmed and you don't understand why people can't see why. Don't they care that you're already doing more for everyone else than they do for you? Don't they get that, just like anyone else, you need some "me" time. It's not selfish to have some time to yourself to recharge... How the heck else are you going to do all these things everyone else wants you to, especially if you're burnt out or get sick, or stressed out?
And as mentioned above: exhaustion, mental fatigue, feeling physically ill or making yourself more susceptible to viruses, anxiety, maybe even depression... Anger: I feel used, I wish they would let me be, etc... Sad: Doesn't anyone love me? Why do I feel like they all want me to love them, but they don't love me? Frustrated: GAH! My mind is too full of lists of all the things I have to do for everyone else... What about ME? Self-doubt: Maybe I should do these things, because I might be a bad person if I don't... Or at least that what my "friends" make me feel. They make me feel bad about having healthy boundaries. Is it really me? Or is it them who has the problem? Or is it a little bit me and a little bit them?
I posted this in another thread, but maybe it will help you, too...
7 Ways to Protect Your Energy & Enforce Healthy Boundaries | Psychology Today
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