Yesterday I went to the mall to purchase a few items and just happened to walk past the clothing section and figured that I would take a peek to see what was available. I saw all of the shirts with short sleeves and low necklines and shorts and capri pants, and it was all I could do to not cry right there in the store. It was so ridiculous. I just hate the way I looks so much and can't stand when the weather gets warmer and it gets to be too hot for turtlenecks and big sweaters. I know it sounds so stupid, but I hate showing any of my skin. I would love to be able to have my face covered all the time as well, but not really an option I guess. If I could walk around completely covered with no skin exposed it would feel so much better. No one else would have to see how disgusting I am. As I was walking out of the clothing area, I walked past a mirror and just caught an glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye and it was so upsetting. Some days it is just so difficult to be around people knowing that they can see me. I just want to hide.
- Thread starter Murray
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forgetmenot
MVP
Re: hate the way I look
Hey i am sorry you feel this way about your body Murray I for one don't really care what people think about my looks i am who i am on the outside can't change that. It is funny i don't like people looking at me because of what is on the inside. It is hard because it feels all are judging making comments but i think we are wrong. I think people are just too busy to care about anything anymore they really aren't looking or judging I hope you can bring this up with your therapist as this too can be worked on and who knows maybe by the summer you will have confidence to wear the capris and short shirts take care.
Hey i am sorry you feel this way about your body Murray I for one don't really care what people think about my looks i am who i am on the outside can't change that. It is funny i don't like people looking at me because of what is on the inside. It is hard because it feels all are judging making comments but i think we are wrong. I think people are just too busy to care about anything anymore they really aren't looking or judging I hope you can bring this up with your therapist as this too can be worked on and who knows maybe by the summer you will have confidence to wear the capris and short shirts take care.
Cat Dancer
MVP
Re: hate the way I look
I'm sorry you feel this way too. Is this an issue you're working on in therapy? You are a good person. I wish you could feel good about your body. I can relate for sure though. :friends:
I'm sorry you feel this way too. Is this an issue you're working on in therapy? You are a good person. I wish you could feel good about your body. I can relate for sure though. :friends:
Re: hate the way I look
We have been working on it in therapy, but it is still a struggle. My therapist says that I had a bit of a problem with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Logically, I know that people aren't looking at me, that they don't even see me, but I still feel this way. I sort of feel like the way that I look on the outside is almost a reflection of all of the vile filth that is inside. I just feel so horrible and exposed.
We have been working on it in therapy, but it is still a struggle. My therapist says that I had a bit of a problem with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Logically, I know that people aren't looking at me, that they don't even see me, but I still feel this way. I sort of feel like the way that I look on the outside is almost a reflection of all of the vile filth that is inside. I just feel so horrible and exposed.
Re: hate the way I look
I understand as well, Murray, although I don't really have any advice except to keep working on it in therapy. I suppose maybe I do have some advice, which is to find little things about yourself that you can like, if not love.
For example, I think I'm relatively "blah" looking, overweight, and there's just nothing eye-turning about me. I've always wanted blue hair, so I had it dyed blue a few weeks ago. I LOVE it, and at first I was really paranoid because people are obviously going to look at it, but I've received soooo many compliments on it that it's actually made me feel good about myself.
I've also taken up walking several times a week. It'll help me lose weight, but it forces me to "get out there". And anyone driving by who wants to comment can kiss my *ss because I'm walking while they're driving.
I remind myself that no one on the outside can see who I am on the inside. That's a secret that nobody gets to know about. I can at least feel somewhat good about my exterior...I'll deal with the horrible interior of myself in private. As long as I project a "good" outside, that's what people will see.
Try to find little things to love - pretty nail polish, a nice top, little things instead of the whole picture, and keep working on it in therapy. You can and will feel better about yourself.
I understand as well, Murray, although I don't really have any advice except to keep working on it in therapy. I suppose maybe I do have some advice, which is to find little things about yourself that you can like, if not love.
For example, I think I'm relatively "blah" looking, overweight, and there's just nothing eye-turning about me. I've always wanted blue hair, so I had it dyed blue a few weeks ago. I LOVE it, and at first I was really paranoid because people are obviously going to look at it, but I've received soooo many compliments on it that it's actually made me feel good about myself.
I've also taken up walking several times a week. It'll help me lose weight, but it forces me to "get out there". And anyone driving by who wants to comment can kiss my *ss because I'm walking while they're driving.
I remind myself that no one on the outside can see who I am on the inside. That's a secret that nobody gets to know about. I can at least feel somewhat good about my exterior...I'll deal with the horrible interior of myself in private. As long as I project a "good" outside, that's what people will see.Try to find little things to love - pretty nail polish, a nice top, little things instead of the whole picture, and keep working on it in therapy. You can and will feel better about yourself.
Cat Dancer
MVP
Re: hate the way I look
When I read your posts I could honestly say that I could write the same things, word for word. It's a battle and struggle to try to overcome this. Where do you think it comes from for you? Were you ever given positive feedback about the way you look when you were growing up?
I sometimes wonder if there's some kind of chemical component to this type of thing. I don't know. It seems so ingrained, but I believe we can overcome it one day if we work really hard at it.
When I read your posts I could honestly say that I could write the same things, word for word. It's a battle and struggle to try to overcome this. Where do you think it comes from for you? Were you ever given positive feedback about the way you look when you were growing up?
I sometimes wonder if there's some kind of chemical component to this type of thing. I don't know. It seems so ingrained, but I believe we can overcome it one day if we work really hard at it.
Cat Dancer
MVP
Re: hate the way I look
Turtle has some excellent advice (as usual ) I like the idea of finding something little to love and appreciate. You might think this is funny and weird, but I bought some body powder that has just the slightest bit of glittery stuff in it and sometimes I put it on my arms and when I look at them I smile a little. I have horrible scars on my arms from self injury and this is something I feel I can do to reclaim them. And I do love putting polish on my toes. I also have started wearing more makeup lately because I enjoy it, not necessarily because I want to be a slave to fashion or anything like that.
I'm not sure how old you are either, but I've found that the self hate feelings have gotten less intense as I get older.
Anyway, I really feel for you. I really do. I think you have such a kind heart and I want you to feel good about yourself.
Turtle has some excellent advice (as usual
) I like the idea of finding something little to love and appreciate. You might think this is funny and weird, but I bought some body powder that has just the slightest bit of glittery stuff in it and sometimes I put it on my arms and when I look at them I smile a little. I have horrible scars on my arms from self injury and this is something I feel I can do to reclaim them. And I do love putting polish on my toes. I also have started wearing more makeup lately because I enjoy it, not necessarily because I want to be a slave to fashion or anything like that. I'm not sure how old you are either, but I've found that the self hate feelings have gotten less intense as I get older.
Anyway, I really feel for you. I really do. I think you have such a kind heart and I want you to feel good about yourself.
Re: hate the way I look
Thanks so much for the kind responses you guys. I am feeling stupid and ashamed for posting this, sorry.
I do like the idea of highlighting some feature that I am okay with, but I can't come up with one. Turtle, I love that you dyed your hair blue. I bet it is awesome! I usually dye my hair sort of a red-violet- definatley not a color found in nature. LOL I always like the color and figure that if someone looks at me maybe they will just notice my hair and nothing else. Glittery body powder sounds like fun Cat Dancer. That would make me smile. I think it is good to reclaim your arms.
I am in my late 30's now and I still struggle with this stuff. I have lost over 60 lbs in the past few years and I still feel just as disgusting. I thought once I lost weight I would feel better, but...not so much.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this too. As far as where it comes from. I don't really know. Growing up I was not given much positive feedback about my appearance, rather was told how ugly I was pretty often. So maybe that is where it comes from. I know that my mom struggles with this too so maybe it is chemical, genetic, or maybe learned. I don't know.
Anyway, thanks again for being so kind and supportive. I am just being pathetic tonight, sorry.
Thanks so much for the kind responses you guys. I am feeling stupid and ashamed for posting this, sorry.
I do like the idea of highlighting some feature that I am okay with, but I can't come up with one. Turtle, I love that you dyed your hair blue. I bet it is awesome! I usually dye my hair sort of a red-violet- definatley not a color found in nature. LOL I always like the color and figure that if someone looks at me maybe they will just notice my hair and nothing else. Glittery body powder sounds like fun Cat Dancer. That would make me smile. I think it is good to reclaim your arms.
I am in my late 30's now and I still struggle with this stuff. I have lost over 60 lbs in the past few years and I still feel just as disgusting. I thought once I lost weight I would feel better, but...not so much.
catdancer said:
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this too. As far as where it comes from. I don't really know. Growing up I was not given much positive feedback about my appearance, rather was told how ugly I was pretty often. So maybe that is where it comes from. I know that my mom struggles with this too so maybe it is chemical, genetic, or maybe learned. I don't know.
Anyway, thanks again for being so kind and supportive. I am just being pathetic tonight, sorry.
Re: hate the way I look
Murray I think it is fabulous that you have lost that weight!! That is something HUGE that you should be proud of.
One thought that crossed my mind so many years ago is that people tend to look at larger people and judge them right away - that they eat too much, are lazy, if they got active things would change, etc.
It occurred to me that no one has the right to pass judgment on someone else. What if that person that they are berating has already lost 150 pounds and is still working on the last 100? Thinking about that gave me alot of freedom - I realized that no one knows my story, and they can think what they want but until they are intimately acquainted with me, they dare not pass judgment, and once they are intimately acquainted with me, they won't dare pass judgment.
We are all unique and we all bring something to this world. How we look has nothing to do with what we offer, how our talents affect others, and how we positively impact people.
I'm sad that you struggle with this so much, Murray, because I see a beautiful, compassionate person. We live in a society that is so focused on false beauty and false imagery, and we are so quick to pass judgment on others, not appreciating what effect that judgment may have.
If you can't find anything else to feel good about, can you please try and feel GREAT about the weight you have lost? Just for five minutes, try to be pleased with that. If you look in the mirror, don't see anything else, except how far you've come.
Murray I think it is fabulous that you have lost that weight!! That is something HUGE that you should be proud of.
One thought that crossed my mind so many years ago is that people tend to look at larger people and judge them right away - that they eat too much, are lazy, if they got active things would change, etc.
It occurred to me that no one has the right to pass judgment on someone else. What if that person that they are berating has already lost 150 pounds and is still working on the last 100? Thinking about that gave me alot of freedom - I realized that no one knows my story, and they can think what they want but until they are intimately acquainted with me, they dare not pass judgment, and once they are intimately acquainted with me, they won't dare pass judgment.
We are all unique and we all bring something to this world. How we look has nothing to do with what we offer, how our talents affect others, and how we positively impact people.
I'm sad that you struggle with this so much, Murray, because I see a beautiful, compassionate person. We live in a society that is so focused on false beauty and false imagery, and we are so quick to pass judgment on others, not appreciating what effect that judgment may have.
If you can't find anything else to feel good about, can you please try and feel GREAT about the weight you have lost? Just for five minutes, try to be pleased with that. If you look in the mirror, don't see anything else, except how far you've come.
It breaks my heart that you guys have to feel this way too, it stinks.
Sadly, this is so true. People do definitely judge overweight people; I have certainly felt my fair share of that judgment.
You are such a kind person and you have a great way of looking at things, thanks.
Once in a while I can look in the mirror and actually see that I am smaller, but usually I look just the same as always.
turtle said:
Sadly, this is so true. People do definitely judge overweight people; I have certainly felt my fair share of that judgment.
turtle said:
You are such a kind person and you have a great way of looking at things, thanks.
Once in a while I can look in the mirror and actually see that I am smaller, but usually I look just the same as always.
That's because you've created an expectation of what you will look like.
Next time you look, look "differently". Try and see something you haven't seen before.
Re: hate the way I look
Hi Murray - I am glad you are able to work on this in therapy. In the interim though, before you feel better accepting yourself for the wonderful person that the people on this forum see, here are some things that I do to feel better that might work for you:
-As you stated, I too have trouble convincing myself that people aren't looking at me (even though I know they aren't) so I take it a step further - I go through in my head a list of the things they ARE thinking about until I can comfortably conclude that yes, they really AREN'T looking at me because they simply have too many other things to worry about than my looks. For example, I think they are worrying about getting their kids to soccer practice on time, they are figuring out when they can squeeze in doing the six loads of laundry in the basement, they are thinking about what to get Great Aunt Flo for her 90th birthday next week, they are worrying about what to make for dinner, they are thinking they really need to call Jane back because they promised they'd call two weeks ago now, they are worrying about that report sitting on their desk at work that needs to be finished for the meeting at the end of the month, they are thinking about the disagreement they had with their partner over whether to put in a new deck this year, etc.
-I say to myself, well, I can't do anything about the way I look at this moment - but I like to make people feel better, so at least with me looking this horrible, someone else will see me (who was already feeling bad about him/herself) and think "at least I am not as bad looking as her" - warped thinking, but you know what - I do feel better when I think this...because I feel like I have saved someone else from feeling the way I am at this moment, even if it is as my expense.
-I tell myself the ones that matter the most to me in my life don't care what I look like (and they don't) so what does it matter what others think of me? - the ones that I care about love me for me and that's what is important.
-And finally, my rebellious self puts in its two cents and says well if they don't like the way I look, just don't look at me - no one is forcing them! I am not getting cosmetic surgery for them so they are welcome to just turn their heads!
YouTube - What a Way to Wanna Be: Shania Twain
Hi Murray - I am glad you are able to work on this in therapy. In the interim though, before you feel better accepting yourself for the wonderful person that the people on this forum see, here are some things that I do to feel better that might work for you:
-As you stated, I too have trouble convincing myself that people aren't looking at me (even though I know they aren't) so I take it a step further - I go through in my head a list of the things they ARE thinking about until I can comfortably conclude that yes, they really AREN'T looking at me because they simply have too many other things to worry about than my looks. For example, I think they are worrying about getting their kids to soccer practice on time, they are figuring out when they can squeeze in doing the six loads of laundry in the basement, they are thinking about what to get Great Aunt Flo for her 90th birthday next week, they are worrying about what to make for dinner, they are thinking they really need to call Jane back because they promised they'd call two weeks ago now, they are worrying about that report sitting on their desk at work that needs to be finished for the meeting at the end of the month, they are thinking about the disagreement they had with their partner over whether to put in a new deck this year, etc.
-I say to myself, well, I can't do anything about the way I look at this moment - but I like to make people feel better, so at least with me looking this horrible, someone else will see me (who was already feeling bad about him/herself) and think "at least I am not as bad looking as her" - warped thinking, but you know what - I do feel better when I think this...because I feel like I have saved someone else from feeling the way I am at this moment, even if it is as my expense.
-I tell myself the ones that matter the most to me in my life don't care what I look like (and they don't) so what does it matter what others think of me? - the ones that I care about love me for me and that's what is important.
-And finally, my rebellious self puts in its two cents and says well if they don't like the way I look, just don't look at me - no one is forcing them! I am not getting cosmetic surgery for them so they are welcome to just turn their heads!
Actually, I do this - it can be 90F and really humid out and I will be wearing pants and a jacket. Trust me on this one - I don't feel "so much better"....all I feel is hot! And the ironic part is, I accomplish the opposite of my goal - I don't want people to see me, and yet I look so silly out on such a hot day with so many clothes on, that I become more conspicuous - people stop and stare because I look so out of place since I am all bundled up.
YouTube - What a Way to Wanna Be: Shania Twain
I am feeling just overwhelmed by the kindness and support that you guys have shown me. You have all been so nice and welcoming to me; I just wish that I could be as helpful to you guys. Thanks so much. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you take the time to read and respond to my pathetic posts. I hate when I get into these moods. It is amazing to me when some of you refer to me in a positive way, it is so kind of you. I tend to feel like such a complete piece of s*** all the time so it is so weird when someone says something nice.
I know that everyone is so busy with their own stuff to notice me, but I still worry. When people come in contact with me I feel bad that they have to get near me and look at me.
Sadly I can relate to this. At least I am am improving someone else's mood and body image. I am so sorry that you feel this way though.
Your right about this too I know. My husband doesn't care what I look like, I know, but I feel so badly for him that he is stuck with me. He says he likes the way I look, but I feel so ashamed that he has to see me and be seen with me.
I don't usually wear jackets and stuff in the summer, but do often wear jeans and long sleeved shirts. It is hot and miserable like you said and does attract more attention. Add to that the fact that I am absolutely obsessed with smelling bad and being disgusting, and sweating is the result of bundling up in the summer and it is just miserable. While everyone around me is getting excited about the lovely warm weather, I am just becoming more and more disgusted by myself.
Anyway, once again. Thanks so much.
I am trying to come up with one thing that I like about my appearance that I can focus on, still working on that.LOL
I know that everyone is so busy with their own stuff to notice me, but I still worry. When people come in contact with me I feel bad that they have to get near me and look at me.
buffy55 said:
Sadly I can relate to this. At least I am am improving someone else's mood and body image. I am so sorry that you feel this way though.
buffy55 said:
Your right about this too I know. My husband doesn't care what I look like, I know, but I feel so badly for him that he is stuck with me. He says he likes the way I look, but I feel so ashamed that he has to see me and be seen with me.
buffy55 said:
I don't usually wear jackets and stuff in the summer, but do often wear jeans and long sleeved shirts. It is hot and miserable like you said and does attract more attention. Add to that the fact that I am absolutely obsessed with smelling bad and being disgusting, and sweating is the result of bundling up in the summer and it is just miserable. While everyone around me is getting excited about the lovely warm weather, I am just becoming more and more disgusted by myself.
Anyway, once again. Thanks so much.
I am trying to come up with one thing that I like about my appearance that I can focus on, still working on that.LOL
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
On the other hand, many people (like me and at least one of my brothers) need to avoid the sun in the summer due to sensitivities or allergies, so I'm not sure that you stand out quite as much as you may think. The heat factor is another issue, but for some people it's unavoidable.
SilentNinja
Member
Hi Murray after reading your post here i also can relate very much to it! As I am exactly the same, Summer comes and i wear jumpers and hats to hide, People always think im a boy i wear baggy combat trousers and hoody tops just to hide myself.
I just got back from visiting my parents and am feeling worse than ever about my appearance (as well as everything else). They have mirrors all over their house so everywhere I went I was bombarded by images of myself. It was horrible. I mean really who wants to step out of the shower and see themselves? It is just wrong! The last thing I want is to get a glimpse of myself and be reminded of what I look like at every turn. I a just feeling so huge, disgusting, repulsive, dirty, etc, etc, right now.
It was also really hot there so I was miserable in my jeans and long sleeves and they kept commenting on it and wanting me to borrow some of their summer clothes. They figured they might have something big enough to fit me. It was just dreadful. Now I am home and still feeling just as disgusting. I hate being like this.
Everywhere I go- in the airport, at the store, at work, I just feel like I am so disgusting that I shouldn't be out in public with normal people. It would be better if I could just stay in my house and never have to show my face outside again.
Sorry for the rant, just having a bad moment
It was also really hot there so I was miserable in my jeans and long sleeves and they kept commenting on it and wanting me to borrow some of their summer clothes. They figured they might have something big enough to fit me. It was just dreadful. Now I am home and still feeling just as disgusting. I hate being like this.
Everywhere I go- in the airport, at the store, at work, I just feel like I am so disgusting that I shouldn't be out in public with normal people. It would be better if I could just stay in my house and never have to show my face outside again.
Sorry for the rant, just having a bad moment
SilentNinja
Member
I always feel this way, its like i wrote the above. I try and go to the gym.. but there is mirrors facing you everywhere you go, every machine you go on... a huge mirror right in front, i look at myself and think you ugly *&?%^$^!!!! I swear at myself in my mind, feel so horrible. Im sorry i dont have anything to say to help because im in the same situation at times, but i just wanted you to know i know how it feels.
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