I have no clue anymore...

[lustorlove]

I do not know where to begin or where everything will end. I am a mother, my youth are always first in priority, I am tired, worn out and at my wits ends. For a few yrs I have been dealing with not only my son?s issues but also my husbands and my daughters. 20 days ago my daughter promised that this would be her last time going to see this older male (I am trying to be nice here) and when she came home we would all seek professional help. I drove for 3 hrs, one way to pick my daughter up, when I seen her she has lost a lot of weight, her face is sinking in, she is looking older than her mother in just 9 days, and will not come home (she?s 17). This older male (still trying to be nice) took my daughter?s virginity at 15 he was 22. Him and his family have cut off all contact with her and her family/friends, I think they have used drugs to change her, the person I seen was not my daughter, my daughter is the one that cared about her family/friends/ her pets, went to cadets, helped anyone who needed it. The person I seen was moody did not care about anyone or anything and looked old n sickly. My biggest problem is the mother of this guy who is now 24 turning 25 she works at the hospital nursing home in Newmarket and if she is not giving my daughter the drugs I believe she is on then they are using illegal drugs off the street. I went to the police in my area and because she is 17 she can make her own decisions, all I can do is hope they all get arrested with drugs or she hits rock bottom. I can?t deal with all of this alone any longer as I feel myself falling into depression, I am tired, stressed and have my own health issues from a car accident that has left me with permanent nerve damage, bad back, ABI and chronic pain. I do not know how much more I can take, I have tried everything reasonable to stop the situation with my daughter even to the extent of moving 3 hrs away, my husband is of no help, I said no to her going there one last time, he gave into her trying to appease her. I feel like all the work I have done to get myself where I was is now regressing backwards, I want to run away, but I know that is not the answer. I had light therapy to help with my brain, remembering things was long in returning, and now I find myself forgetting not remembering again, it feels like my brain has been over loaded, but I have to do something I just can?t do this alone anymore. Where does one begin and where will it all end, I have no clue..

 

[Halo]

Lustorlove,

It sure does sound like you have a lot to deal with. With respect to your daughter, in all honesty she is 17 and there really is nothing that you can do apart from forcibly dragging her back home which will ultimately end up with her just taking off again. I know that it must be tearing you up that she has chosen to stay with these people and live this lifestyle but at the moment it sounds like you need to take care of yourself. I know that probably sound selfish and it is but if you don't take care of you then you will ultimately be no good for anyone else including your husband and daughter when they need you....and your daughter will need you when she decides to leave that lifestyle.

You say that you feel that you are falling into a depression. Have you considered talking to your doctor or a therapist about how you are feeling? That would probably be my first suggestion. You have a lot of things on your plate right now and talking to a professional would probably help you a great deal.

 

[Auburn]

Dear lustorlove

Oh, hun, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. First and foremost I have to say, your husband is doing nothing productive by giving in to your daughter. He needs to know that. You need to have a united front when it comes to your kids. Tell her in no uncertain terms that, while you can't stop her, you will not support this. I know that does nothing to alleviate your fears, but as Halo said, once they reach and age, we have to let go and hope that we have done right by them and that they make solid decisons. If they don't, we just have to be there to catch them.
That all being said hun, you have to take care of you. Take care of the things you can control, and that is you. And, you have to take care of the issues with your husband. He has to be on the same page as you, and you can't settle for anything less. I hope that the days brighten for you. Stay strong, and be sure that you have done the best for your daughter. Let her go for now, and when she needs you, she will come back to you. Much love!

 

[Adam777]

Sounds like the people in your life only care about themselves and their needs. Perhaps it's time you did the same. Your daughter will soon be 18 and legally you cannot do anything to her. Let her live and learn as painful as that will be.