HBas
Member
My mom thinks I had a breakdown at the end of last year but I am not sure. My Physician diagnosed me with influenza because of the high fever and hallucination and because I was so heavily struck and my X-Rays showed spots on my lungs. I don?t know what to think because I was under severe pressure at the time and personally think that it was a combination or maybe the stress made it worse or something.
Has anyone of you ever had influenza ? what does it feel like?
Has anyone ever had a breakdown ? what happens to your body if anything?
I was under immense pressure so I don?t know if that maybe caused my immune system to weaken which made me sick?
The facts:
I struggle financially and my ex husband has not been paying maintenance for a long time ? I threatened him with court if he does not start paying this month but he missed a year. That makes my boyfriend, understandably, very angry but he takes it out on me and tells me how this and that I am because my ex does not pay but sees my son. He loves his son dearly but lost his Job and tried starting his own business which did not work out in the end. I don?t want to use my son against him and hurt my son in the long run because I did not allow a relationship with his dad but my boyfriend sees that as weak.
I own a house with my ex and the people who rented moved out without notice or payment and they were already a month behind on their rent. They ruined the carpets and the garden and the oven so I don?t know how I can rent that place out now. The economy was so bad for the past few years and is only recovering now ? we are selling that huge house for next to nothing but still did not get any buyers. My ex does not have money and I am only allowed to do my bit ? which I cannot afford in any way. House payment in arrears ? no money to fix the place ? big stress.
I think there is something major wrong with my boyfriend but cannot get my finger on it.
- His father was quite abusive towards his mother and the kids saw that most of their life because the mom only divorced the dad once they left home. (they suffered under his strict strange ways too)
- His Father and Him had one huge fight (violent) a few years back over Christmas and we left in the middle of the night to find a hotel with my bleeding boyfriend. My boyfriend has tried to make contact a year after but his father ignores him like he is nothing. They have never spoken since and my boyfriend is damaged in a huge way.
- He loves me to death one day and spoils me and my boy rotten and the next he treats me worse than trash. He does not treat my boy badly (in a direct way) but he does put pressure on him that a 5 year old should not have.
- He is selfish and Lazy but sometimes funny and amusing. He swears and reprimand me but sometimes makes me feel like a princess. He shows love for my son ? deep love but sometimes makes mean jokes which leaves my son traumatized. He is very intelligent but sometimes use it to abuse me verbally and mentally and he is mean in such a way that he gets me to explode and then go on about how I abuse him.
- He has a high pressure Management position in the same company I work for which creates it?s own set of unique problems ? I am scared that he will use his position to terrorize me if I ever do break up with him for good.
- He keeps on stuffing around on social networks ? dirty ones where the header reads ?no strings attached? and when I catch him, he screams at me and tells me that I cannot and will not explain and makes it seem like I am rotten for ?checking up on him?
- Oh, the list goes on ? November he told me that I should F-off and I said No, he should give me some time to find a place cause it is not fair just telling me to leave one day (by the way, we were not fighting at all that day, he just got into bed at 15:00, it was a Sunday and I asked if he felt Ok and he snapped like a lunatic ? screaming how I irritate the living daylights out of him cause I ask idiotic questions ? can I not see that he is tired) he was so mean and he turned around and said he will give me a week until he starts bringing other woman over, if my choice was to stay, I would have to deal with it.
Any way
I moved out of my boyfriends house back to my mom because I need a house mate financially.
I am working real hard at work and am busy from the time I step in till the time I leave.
I lived with my mom for the whole of November in her one bedroom apartment but it was awesome. No fighting, no pressure, no abuse ? just love and someone helping me in and around the house and thoughtfulness and enough food. My boyfriend pays me R3000 a month for food (Rand was R7,23 to the $ last time I checked) but it is more than enough if you manage it properly. But he is obese and eats a block of cheese and a packet of Vienna?s a night. There is never left overs for the next day and he consumes more than half a bread or a big tub of Yogurt at a time. It is impossible because I cannot afford to keep any food in the fridge and have to stop to get what I need every night and I never ever manage the money properly because of it. (I spent R1800 at my moms place and we all ate very well for the entire month but a packed of Vienna?s lasted two weeks.)
So I got very ill one day. My friend in the office noticed I was speaking to someone that was not there and then my boss noticed that I keep printing him the same info over and over for about 4 times and that is very unusual for me. I started crying at one stage because of a headache that was killing me (which I would never do ? I would never cry at work) and then my friend phoned my boyfriend to come collect me (no one at work was aware that we broke up) and he came and took me to my mom?s. I do not remember any of this ? I think it was my fever which I don?t understand where I got because I was 100% fine in the morning. I did not feel sick or strange or tired or anything. It happened two days before we went on December shut down so I had the nice foresight of 3 weeks holiday.
I was very sick that night ? my mom says I were crying and laughing and then just making strange noises. I had a very high fever and she had to put dry clothing on me 4 times during the course of the night. I remember opening my eyes and seeing my mom and feeling her put dry clothing on me, I remember feeling comfort every time she did it for a few minutes and then nothing else.
It carried on for almost two days until I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a car. Too weak to get out of bed, struggling to breathe properly and sore all over. My physician came to the house when I was at my worst and told my mom what to do to keep me out of hospital (I have a great medical aid but hate hospitals) and gave me medication and strong antibiotics. I did a proper blood test afterwards, it took me about a week to get up for the first time, and my blood was clean. No shortages, no funny bugs ? nothing!
Of course I did not want to go for further tests so I am really not sure what happened and why so sudden and so severe.
There is much more but I don?t know how to put it down in less than 15 sheets or why I am with my boyfriend when I read this paragraph, it is not bad all the time or was very nice in the beginning or something. I also wonder more often.
Please give advise if possible and thank you to anyone that took the time to read my whirlpool of blabber.
HB
