I would like to know what is wrong with me.. ?

[indigogrl]

...without having to go and see someone (thats one of my problems). I know I'm the opposite of normal... been told that my whole life by my parents and everyone I have come in contact with.

I have questions but no answers yet.. I know the lifestyle I live is out there.. its different. But I can't change it.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi indigogirl,

You have the pseudonym of one of my favorite bands. I think your question is just a little broad for us here. In any event, we cannot diagnose online. Have you every sought or considered seeing a psychologist and/or psychiatrist? What about your family doctor? Have you ever disclosed your feelings to him/her?

Welcome to PL indigogrl

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi just want to say welcome as well and to just say the best way to get answers is to talk with you family doctor okay or psychologist psychiatrist as they are professionals who have the ability the skills to diagnose you properly as Jazzey has said. We just don't have the medical credentials to do that.
Post some more okay let us know what is going on.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I have questions but no answers yet..

Maybe you could start by asking some of those questions, then...

I know the lifestyle I live is out there.. its different. But I can't change it.

How is it different? And why can't you change it?

 

[indigogrl]

what if I'm 30yrs old and don't have a doctor.. never been sick enough to go to one. Only time I ever had to talk to a (school) psychologist is back in high school and that didn't go over well. I never finished high school...

this is all a part of whats wrong with me? What if I still live at home and have never worked, dated... even paid for something in a store? What if I have zero friends? And its always been that way? What if I never got a license to drive because I was to scared of all the people. What if people make me nervous????

I know I'm off a bit.. sorry

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What do you do at home, Indigogrl? How do you spend your days and nights? What are you interested in? What do you enjoy doing? What relaxes you? What intrigues you? What makes you smile or laugh?

 

[indigogrl]

better explanation... better get it out while I can

Back way in high school I had to see the school psychologist because of a teacher. Well I was whatever you call it.. tested I guess for all kinds of stuff even that ink card test among other stuff. Asked questions verbally and in writing. The school psychologist then(after a while of having to see him twice a week during school hours) suggested to my mom that I was manic depressive(lower end) (they called it that when I was 19) and should be put on meds and referred me to someone else. He mentioned OCD, severe anxiety, and some personality disorders. Anyhow.. stuff happened I refused and dropped out in 11th grade. I never went back to school.

Now I'm 30 and live at home... I know its not normal that people make me so nervous or that I'm so withdrawn into my own world. There is nothing physically wrong with me either. Like I said I don't have any friends. The last "friend" I had was at age 13. Also people think I'm younger than I am.. most say I look 18 and such, and my bedroom looks like a teenagers... so I'm told by family members.

just some insight into my world... which I'm not sure it matters on here

---------------------------------------------
To answer:

I watch some TV but find most all of it boring, I love to draw, listen to music.. I read a lot.. books or on here.. I search stuff on the internet. I usually stay up most of the night... doing whatever and sleep in.. or sleep my days away.

The only thing that relaxes me is when people leave me alone.. I like to be alone. It's the only thing that settles me.. its the only time I can relax. To be honest I don't smile that much.


I have so many questions but I'm not sure I want an answer.... or just scared of what someone might say in the end.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi indigogrl it is good you like to draw art can be so relaxing and rewarding when it is finished. Are you taking any medication for your social anxiety or you mental illness if not maybe you should talk to your doctor about it. Isolating yourself not a good thing and with medication you will be able to do more like maybe take an art course or something else that can bring you happiness. Try okay change can happen but you need to reach out and get some help for you okay.

 

[SilentNinja]

hiya indigogrl... well im 25 and i have never dated, paid for stuff in a store, i live at home, Im scared to drive.. I do work but thats only because im lucky to get a job where i work alone. I only have online friends.

I just dont like being around people... I dream of it, but id rather remain in my own little world, Im not anxious though its just humans scare me.

Have you ever looked into Social Anxiety? I know thats very common and i think you can get CBT for that to help.

 

[indigogrl]

Well I've told my family I'd work if they like owned a place be it restaurant, gas station... store ect... but no one in my family has a business. I'm not scared of humans like maybe you speak of.... they just make me extremely nervous. It's like take something that would scare a normal person... say maybe someone standing on the side of the road and a 18 wheeler passes by really close to where they are standing and it frightens them, makes them jump and gasp for air or even run. That's how I feel when I am told I have to go to a doc, see/talk someone I don't know (be it for whatever reason) or be put in a crowd of people or in public with strangers... I panic, I run, I feel like I want to hide, I refuse, I make excuses, I argue, I scream and I withdrawl to my happy place.

that's my instant reaction on the INSIDE which I can't control. I'm told alot I freak out by family members. I find ways out of everything...its easier to just withdrawn to get that feeling of safety.

I don't know what better way to explain it.. (not very good at this) just know after all this time its deeply embedded in me to where I have to accept the way I am, even if I'm not a happy person.

almost like feeling you are being held under water and can't come up... and yet you have a smile on your face the whole time

 

[Nicki]

Hi indigogrl

You sound very simular to myself, everything will work out. I stopped going to school at the age of 12 and up untill just over a year ago I never got help. I couldnt and wouldnt go out I had many issuse, like yourself I didnt see a GP I couldnt, wouldnt. When my parents found out I spent nearly all day in tears and doing things that werent normal they called a GP out to see me. He arranged for a psychologist psychiatrist and a therapist to see me at home. Im happier left on my own but after seeing these people they have told me what is wrong with me and im getting help, im learning I can do things I didnt think I ever could. Talk to a GP they help so much, medication will help as will CBT. I never went out I can now walk down my street, with someone, but I couldnt even do that before. Even though Ive found out I have lots of different problems, OCD, severe anxiety, social phobia the list goes on unfortuantly. Contact a doctor you will benifit so much, good luck I hope things work out for you and this has helped a little you take care.

P.s Please ignore the spelling and grammer no good at writing :lol:

 

[indigogrl]

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who won't walk outside and down the street. I even check to see if people across from my driveway are out before I go into the garage or walk towards the mailbox. Because they are nosey and like to watch everything I do. It's really annoying. I even try to hide if I go out in the front yard.. I duck or stand behide a tree pretending to be doing something so if a car comes by they won't try to wave or speak.

I'm not sure why I do that either.

I was taken out of public school through the middle grade years and went back for the 9th grade, so I have had a lot of problems in school also. I just wanted to like melt into the walls in stuff.

Never been what people call normal... I did get my learners permit at one point. Only because I was forced to and threatened to be dragged out of the car in the parking lot. And not because I wanted it. They used the excuse that they were trying to make me be a normal 15 yr old, so they say.

anyways not sure I know what a GP is.. ?

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Indigogrl a GP is a general practitioner your regular doctor. I am much older than you but i too hated just walking by people in the street, going into elevators whens someone else was there. I still do but i am functioning and now i am getting help from a psychologist it helps.
I hope you can go to your doctor and just ask him to get you to see someone to help you with your anxiety Don't leave it years as i have done okay try to get help now.

 

[Nicki]

Hi Indigogrl
There are alot of people with the same problems you just have to learn how to cope with them. I have found out that for instant if or when I go out, even just to put my rubbish out, if Im listen to my ipod then people are less likely to stop and say hello and talk to me. I know thats a way to avoid talking to people but, im still working on it. Like I said I never went out at all before. I stopped going to school at 12 as I couldnt cope, I was taught at home.Several years ago I was involved in a car accident and have some scarring on my face which also makes me not want to go out as people will look at me .When you get help, a doctor or therapist will teach you methods to use, so you are more able to cope when in situations. It can be scary even just the thought of seeing someone and telling them your problems and it more than likely will be a long process but it can and does work. Take care.