In Contact With Persons?

[Genesis]

Hello,

This time I've got a question not directly concerning myself.

My boyfriend has DID, we more or less "found out" about it about a month ago. He didn't realize it before and now it is very hard for him because he doesn't know how to behave. I read as much as possible about DID so I can understand him and the others - I got to know them as independant persons so it is not too hard for me to still see them as individuals. But I also see that they are connected and everyone of them has got a special area he (or she) operates in. But now that the abuse is over and the areas are more or less gone, some of the persons go, too but some are still there and live independantly. They come and go and my boyfriend doesn't know how to control it.

Now we tried something and it seems to work.

Two weeks ago we tried some kind of "imaginary safe-place travel", I don't know what it is called in English. He imagines his body as a big house where all his inner persons and himself live in and everyone has his own room. Also, there is another room with many drawes at a wall where he can put his memories into and mark them with colors - one color he likes for good memories and one color he doesn't like for the bad ones. The drawers can be locked and the key is hidden somewhere only he knows.

It worked quite well and I thought, if he has a connection to his inner persons - as they all have been part of himself once - why should't he contact them? So I told him to go to the drawer-room and than step out of it onto the corridor and look for the door of a special person. This person is a boy that is always very afraid when he comes and we wanted to make him feel more safe and less alone. So he went there and talked to the boy and gave him chocolate and when the boy came and was "active" the next time, he remembered the meeting and knew exactly what my boyfriend looked like. He was very happy about it and seemed to be relieved.

Now my question: Do you think this is a good way for interacting with the inner persons? I'm a bit afraid my boyfriend might get lost in this "inner world".

Also, how active should the other persons be, should one be "selfish" and try to be there as often as possible or should one let the others be there as often as they need it, too?

Does anyone here have similar experiences?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

we more or less "found out" about it about a month ago

How did you find out? Is this a formal diagnosis by a qualified mental health professional? Or are the two of you self-diagnosing?

 

[Lana]

Hi Genesis and welcome to Psychlinks.

Our goal here is to help others the best way we can and to offer support whenever possible. However, we do not diagnose people here, nor offer treatment advice. Those must always be through a licensed practitioner or specialist (family doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, to name a few). These professionals have the skills and training to deal with each case that is in clients best interest.

I think it's wonderful that you want to help your boyfriend. He is very lucky to have you in his life However, I would strongly encourage him to see his doctor about this, or seek a professional that deals with DID cases. The easiest way is to ask a family doctor for a referral. I would also encourage you not to practice treatments that may nor may not help. If he, as you say, "gets lost", you may not be able to "find him" and bring him back. So, if you really want to help him out, help him find a specialist that can help him with is condition.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey i too think it is not safe for a person not trained to be doing this. A professional psychologist psychiatrist that can keep your boyfriend safe when he disassociates is the only person who should be guiding your boyfriend. I can truly tell you how unstable sometimes a person can become fear, anger, are just some emotions that are dealt with and a professional has the proper skills to guide these emotions. I am glad you are supporting your boyfriend and i hope you do the right thing in letting the professionals take care of him okay. I have a twin with multiple personalities and i know now the hard way to let her doctor take care of her mental state.

 

[Genesis]

First of all thank you for the quick responses.

The diagnosis of DID was done by his psychologist.

It was just that my boyfriend did not realize how much DID affected him. He does not live with me so when I phoned him he was himself and sometimes I also talked to friends of his or to his brother. Then, about a month ago, he had some kind of nervous breakdown and I tried to calm him. That was when he told me that he thought that maybe some of the persons I talk to are not real. He didn't know what he meant with this statement until we talked about his diagnosis of DID and about how his relationship to the persons was. He then told me he couldn't remember and after some time he became more and more aware of the persons that where actually "not real" but belonged to him. Before that he just didn't know it was him switching to other persons. It's a bit difficult to describe for me.

He is also in contact with his therapist but there are so many things he needs to talk about to to him that some problems just can't get that much attention yet. He got the advice to explore himself and to try to contact his inner persons and when I read about patients doing "imagination" themselves, without a therapist guiding them, I thought maybe my boyfriend should try this, too.

I talked about it to my own pyschologist too and she said it was ok as long as I don't push him to do anything he feels uncomfortable with.

About the getting lost: This is his problem with many things. Books, games, TV-shows... he easily "runs away" or "hides" from reality. Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse.

One of the difficulties for me is, how I should treat his persons. Sometimes it gets confusing when they sound the same because most of the time my boyfriend and I are only calling each other. I know they really are different persons and I try to treat them as this but if they ask me "Who do you think is the most important one of us" or "why can't I be active more often" and things like that, I don't know how to answer because these are questions that should be directed to my boyfriend himself, because I can't "decide" this. But he doesn't know the answeres as well, he always worries about how much space and time he should let the persons have.

Is there a "right way" to deal with inner persons?

It's not about 'treatment', because I think DID is not something that needs to be cured - at least not in his case. The persons are not destructive, they are... "normal" somehow, just very different from each other.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thank you for the clarification, Genesis. I'm not an expert in DID by any means. I would recommend that both of you be guided by his therapist in this.

You might find these helpful:

The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook by Deborah Haddock.

The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook serves as a much-needed bridge for communication between the dissociative individual and therapists, family, and friends who also have to learn to deal with the effects of this truly astonishing disorder.

Amongst Ourselves: A Self-Help Guide to Living With Dissociative Identity Disorder by Tracy Alderman and Karen Marshall

Self-help guide for persons with dissociative identity disorder (DID) or multiple personality disorder (MPD). Discusses skills and strategies to manage living with these disorders, the positive aspects, what to expect from therapy, and how DID affects lives.

Got Parts? An Insider's Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder by A.T.W.

Got Parts? was written by a survivor of DID in association with her therapist and therapy group. This book is filled with successful coping techniques and strategies to enhance the day-to-day functioning of adult survivors of DID in relationships, work, parenting, self-confidence, and self-care. Got Parts will help you introduce yourself to your internal family and improve its communication, integration, and well-being. Although written to carefully avoid triggering, it delivers well-grounded guidelines for living that DID people need to do on the way to recovery. Coping strategies included help you with issues related to triggers, flashbacks, and body memories. Got Parts also includes a detailed list of outside resources you can draw on.

 

[Genesis]

Thanks, I'll try to find at least one of these books in our local University Library, if they haven't got it I'll see if I can buy them.

He told me of another problem lately and I really don't know what to tell him.

He says he believes he fell in love with one of his persons.
I asked him how this could happen as he can't really talk to that person and my boyfriend said he didn't know. They're writing each other letters, maybe it happened through this, I don't know.
But what could he do, he can't really have a relationship with a person of his, can he?