Is this a form of SI???

[SoSo]

I had a problem for a few years with SI but thanks to a wonderful therapist who since died of cancer have stopped, well, cutting for I think 4 years now. I have several health problems...cholesterol, heart, cancer etc that require me to eat proper balanced foods and take meds. The past 2-3 months I have been binging, deliberately eating the foods I know will kill me plus I have not taken half the meds I should. I have put on over 30lbs. I know I am overeating and eating the wrong foods. Is this just another form of SI.
Feistyeek:

 

[ladylore]

I don't know if it SI in the traditional sense but it is self-sabotaging behaviour. I know you have been going through a hard time Feisty so these behaviours are understandable.

You do however to have the best life that you can and by eating properly and taking your meds you will start to feel better. And you will be better equipped to handle things that come your way.

 

[SoSo]

In my head I know what you said is true, as I stuff another Flakey into me, but in my heart, well, I am losing everything, absolutely everything in order to get back to Ontario to get proper health care so I am all over the place right now, just down most of the time. I have realized besides binging I am doing other self harm things although I am no longer cutting, same outcome though, self harm. I doubt I will ever feel better now, just doesn't seem to matter anymore. Perhaps, later, that will change.
Feistyeek:

 

[ladylore]

Have you been able to contact a crisis line in your area Feisty?

I know for myself that when I am in crisis that my usual healthy thinking stops. You are using all of your resources to keep yourself going and going minute by minute is ok. Just know that how you are thinking right at the moment is not how you think when things are better.

Ten forms of twisted thinking

Where in the east coast are you? I can look for resources in your area that may be able to help you out. If you want.

:hug:

 

[SoSo]

Thanks Ladylore, had a 'light bulb' moment about an hour ago, things will change, if it is to be it is up to me. I also have been on google researching anxiety meds that won't interfere with my thyroid hormone replacement meds, etc and am going to give some natural stuff a try until I get to Ontario and a therapist. The self abuse is going to end today, don't want to go there anymore in any form.
Feisty

 

[ladylore]

And recommit yourself to that everyday Feisty. And if you have an urge to SI in any way... stop by here and get some support.

 

[Halo]

Feisty,

I can relate to some of what you are saying as I too have many behaviours which I call my escapes. I have in the past used many different methods of SI (or escaping) and what I have found is that everytime I eliminate one form of escaping from my life that another one seems to become more dominant. It makes me become more aware of just how self-sabtoging I really am to myself. I will admit that it is hard to go without all escapes at all times but I first got rid of the escapes that were the most harmful and am now left with the ones that although are less harmful are the ones that have been with me the longest. The key I am finding now is to become "aware" of when I am tempted to use an escape and to try and do something else (specifically journalling) which helps me to identify what thoughts and feelings that I am having that I want to escape from. I will admit that it doesn't always work and I do end up escaping some times but I try not to beat myself up for those. I always figure that the most harmful ones I haven't done in a while and I am not perfect....just as nobody is. I will try again next time.

Okay...so after that long winded ramble I just wanted to say that you are not alone in your struggle and that I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I am sure that it must be hard to be patiently waiting to get back to Ontario and to therapy.

You will make it Feisty...just remember that we are all here supporting you and will always be.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[SoSo]

Thanks, really, just don't feel sometimes like I am worth anyone taking time to help or support me if that makes sense. I agree that if I leave off one form of SI, the worst being cutting, then I have some other form but will try to be more conscious of them. I think it is a good idea to journal, will give it a try, can't hurt. I am also doing my thing where I write down what is hurting me or bothering me the most, read it a few times, tear it up to shreds, then put it where it belongs, in the trash. It is helping sometimes. Anyway, thanks for helping me, think I would be long gone by now if I didn't have this site, a safe place where I am not judged or made fun of.
Feistyeek:

 

[Halo]

Feisty,

You are most definitely worth the time to help and support as you are a wonderful woman who is in need of help right now and we just happen to be able to offer what you need right now. I too am glad that you feel safe here and not judged or made fun of.....I am happy that you are here as well :hug: :hug:

 

[SoSo]

Thanks, so much:hug: