Its better on the outside!

[Lonewolf]

All the nasty stuff going on inside makes me feel as my head is literally going to explode!! I have always had a fear of losing control of my mind! I have been told that talking helps get some of the s*** out and i agree to some extent, but I don't think ive ever felt safe enough to get to the 'nitty gritty' of it! I've never trusted anyone enough, not even my best friend!! When i self-harm its like a release... {triggering details removed}

I don't know if anyone understands all this, i feel that if i don't let these very overwhelming emotions out like this, that other people can feel my pain making me feel uncontrollably vulnerable, but if i s/h people just assume there's a problem and sort of back off a little!! (maybe not a helpful reaction for me, but at least i am not confronted! Although again, it doesn't always happen like that?)

Over the years i have learnt that physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain! You can get a physical injury patched up and forgotten about, but emotional stuff is nearly impossible to deal with so effectively! (For me anyway!) :distress:

 

[gooblax]

Do you find that the emotional pain goes away entirely though? Is anything actually solved?
The harmful part about it is that it only pushes the emotional hurt away momentarily without actually dealing with the problem.

 

[MHealthJo]

Yes hun... and it can really keep us thinking that we DESERVE harm or pain, and that there is only harm and pain for us, instead of un-learning that. That is what we need to un-learn, instead of keeping on teaching ourselves that. It is hard to learn but we can do it. xox

 

[Lonewolf]

{triggering details removed} I don't think that this emotional pain will ever go away entirely, no matter what i do! Sometimes the problem can never be dealt with or it is unable to be dealt with due to different circumstances!! S/h provides me with momentary relief and that is better than nothing!! I just cant cope with the emotional pain on my own and i feel that sometimes i am expected to!! I guess im a wimp!!:facepalm:

 

[gooblax]

Well it's just that there are other, more constructive ways of coping compared to self harm. S/H is one of those things that initially appears to be helpful but really causes more harm than good.

There's nothing wimpy about having emotions that you struggle with. It's just important not to see self injury as an effective, long-term coping mechanism because it really isn't.

 

[MHealthJo]

You're not a wimp hun. You are in a lot of pain and lots of times we do need help with that. It is not wimpy! It is human!

The sh is not the best road for you but that doesn't mean we blame you. Lots of people here have struggled with it and understand it.

You will turn to new options when you are really too tired of the cycle, because that's what it is - just a cycle that goes around and around - and when you are ready to take the chance on new, different hopes. You may not be quite there yet and we aren't blaming towards you. But you wil get there eventually, and that will make us so happy knowing the new hopes there will be for you!

(And it is pretty normal to go through a time where you ease in to new options - stil struggling with sh, but starting to get fed up with the cycle and beginning to reach out... though you can see difficult challenges in the new options. But that is still a positive change, and that is where you are now! So we are proud of you for that. )


And if you want to start having a go at practicing other ways of coping, do a search here for the words "self-soothing". You will find many ideas. You will not really break out of the cycle until the deeper beliefs and feelings related to the sh begin to get helped; so the other things won't bring as much benefit as they can, until some of those other changes begin. But it could stil be interesting and good to start having the experiences of caring for yourself instead of hurting yourself... just see what it is like...

xox

 

[Lonewolf]

:suspicion::cry1:It's only me, though!! :apologetic::cry1:

 

[MHealthJo]

That is the part that is so hard - the low self-worth.

But in time you will be able to separate the wrong ways you were TREATED, from the actual concept of YOU and your worth.

They are two separate, different, unrelated things.

One day you will see that just because you were treated a very bad way, doesn't mean you are not important and worthy of care and help and good things. You just got treated a way that NOBODY deserves, and it confuses your mind.
But you will break out of that.

xox

 

[Lonewolf]

:cry1: