Judge me....Judge me not

[Eye Stigmata]

Maybe some people that self injure just don't want to stop, has anyone realized that maybe there can be some normal part of this...maybe the rush is just too worth it. maybe it's the only thing that gets people through.

I personally have not cut myself in a few days, but I mean, the thought of NEVER doing it again in my life seems impossible, maybe its a habit some of us will never break ... simply because we dont want too.

 

[Daniel E.]

maybe it's the only thing that gets people through.

Though people who self-injure tend to believe that, relying on an ineffective coping method like self-injury will just continue the cycle of despair and anxiety and can easily become a secondary source of emotional problems due to scarring, etc.

the thought of NEVER doing it again in my life seems impossible

Of course, a popular phrase in mental health is "one day at a time."

 

[Cat Dancer]

can easily become a secondary source of emotional problems due to scarring, etc.

Oh, this is so true. My therapist and I talked about this today.

Of course, a popular phrase in mental health is "one day at a time."

Good advice. Sometimes one minute at a time.

 

[amastie]

Maybe some people that self injure just don't want to stop, has anyone realized that maybe there can be some normal part of this...maybe the rush is just too worth it. maybe it's the only thing that gets people through.

I personally have not cut myself in a few days, but I mean, the thought of NEVER doing it again in my life seems impossible, maybe its a habit some of us will never break ... simply because we don?t want too.

I may be wrong, MonkeyMunch, but you seem to be advocating self injury (at least for those who are inclined to practice it) in the same way that "pro ana" groups support each other in the practice of anorexia. Even your ID ?MonkeyMunch? suggests someone identified with such a practice. Was that a conscious choice?

I'm quite sure that 'some people that self-injure just don't want to stop'. I'm a compulsive over-eater - by any medical measure, super obese in size - and I feel exactly the same. I don't *want* to stop eating, but never would I advocate it as being 'normal' or somehow ok. It's a compensating behaviour, and I don't see it as less self-injurious than many other forms of self-negation, including your own. Self-injury, as I understand it (and I stand to be corrected) is not a way to suicide but a way to be heard, or make more real somehow the pain that is felt inside. Indeed, I expect that endorphins are released at those times in much the same way that athletes are able to transcend the pain of extraordinary feats of athleticism. Personally, I won?t walk, much less run, to the nearest shopping centre. It?s all a matter of choice.

I'm not much given to judging. I have no reason to be. I only believe that whatever choices we make, it is in our best interest to recognize the consequences. I also believe that we make our choices based upon what we know, and that what we know can vary. I might find a reason not to overeat (since I am attending counselling for that purpose). I attend counselling because I?d prefer not to live with the consequences. Who knows? If you knew of a better way to meet your need to self-injure, such an alternative might suit you. Of course, you wouldn?t know about it unless you looked for it. Maybe you have. While you?re alive, the choice to look elsewhere or stay where you are remains.

Either way, there?s no reason to judge.

amastie

... Even your ID ?MonkeyMunch? suggests someone identified with such a practice. Was that a conscious choice?
...

Sorry, just realized. I associated that part of your ID 'Munch' as a reference to self-injury .. and of course it *is* - but not for you, but for me!

How silly I was.

Sorry for that.

amastie

 

[white page]

Quote:
Originally Posted by amastie View Post

... Even your ID ‘MonkeyMunch’ suggests someone identified with such a practice. Was that a conscious choice?
...

Sorry, just realized. I associated that part of your ID 'Munch' as a reference to self-injury .. and of course it *is* - but not for you, but for me!

How silly I was.

Sorry for that.

that is very lucid amastie , and a wonderful example of how we identify with others through the perceptions of our own stories

.HI Monkey munch

Sometimes one minute at a time.

I personally have not cut myself in a few days, but I mean, the thought of NEVER doing it again in my life seems impossible, maybe its a habit some of us will never break ... simply because we dont want too.

It is not a question of judgement , as everyone else has said , harming yourself is an ineffective coping strategy , with secondary consequences , which lead to more self harming , a downward spiral from which there seems to be no escape , however with appropriate therapy, gradually, effective coping strategies can replace the self harming , with a release from the secondary source of emotional distress.
And the endorphins will be released by the new coping strategies and not self harming . thus the act of not cutting in the future will seem more and more of a possibility .
It takes great courage to write about this , and to face this within yourself .
I do hope that you use this courage to find a therapist who will accompany you on the road of a new way of being taking one step at a time .

best wishes white page

 

[Into The Light]

monkey munch - sit back for a minute and think of what you really want. i am talking beyond wanting to self harm. what is it you in fact need?

 

[amastie]

Yes,

self-injury, overeating, drug addiction - any addiction - is all saying that 'I need something'. When we don't question what it is that we need, we keeping needing what we don't (at some level) really want.

Goodnight,

amastie

 

[Eye Stigmata]

AM - I'm not sure where you're going with the "monkey munch" thing???
I don't know what your trying to imply? I'm seriously confused here.

Into the Light - I don't know what I want....acceptance...I wan't people to look at me and accept me. I have lots of friends...I mean, I'm outgoing, I have a good sense of humor, I like to 'take' care of others. I'm compassionate. But I think people see through the 'fake happy' and right to the sad, or maybe I just get paranoid and think thats what people think.
But overall.....I just want to be loved unconditionally I think...I was adopted, and an only child - of a mother who worked 24/7, I was raised by my nannies...and I feel like I've never had a strong bond or attachment to anyone. It actually makes me sad when I really think about it....I only know how to take care of other people, I don't know how to love....not in the way I want to be able to love.
I think being raped made me build up my walls to tightly to others, there are very few people i whole heartedly will let into my life...I'm just stuck

 

[amastie]

AM - I'm not sure where you're going with the "monkey munch" thing???
I don't know what your trying to imply? I'm seriously confused here.

I'm very sorry to have confused you MonkeyMunch. I got confused myself and said the wrong thing, then I wrote back to correct it.

I confused part of your name "MonkeyMunch" - munch - with self-injury because I associate it with the way that *I* self-injure. I'm a compulsive eater and I hurt myself in that way. I realized my mistake because it is not the way that *you* self-injure. Your way is very different. I was completely wrong. I'm very sorry. It was all my confusion and I didn't mean to confuse you too. I hope you can forgive me for that.

It actually makes me sad when I really think about it....I only know how to take care of other people, I don't know how to love....not in the way I want to be able to love.
I think being raped made me build up my walls to tightly to others, there are very few people i whole heartedly will let into my life...I'm just stuck

MonkeyMunch, have you ever had counselling, especially to help you recover from the rape? If you were not supported after your rape, you would have every reason to feel unloved and unlovable now, and even confused about loving as well. I totally understand about building walls around yourself to protect yourself. It seems to me that you badly need support from someone in your life, especially from a counsellor who specializes in sexual abuse. Does your mother know about the rape? Do any of those nannies who raised you know about it? Can you turn to any of them for support?

By the way, did you know that self-injury is a typical response to sexual abuse (as is overeating). However alone you feel, there are many people who have been through what you are going through and would totally understand your feelings.

As you may know. there are links at this website - look near the top of the screen, which list therapists, support groups etc in different countries. You could also find our where your nearest community health centre is to find out where you can see a counsellor. And if one isn?t right for you, then there are others to try.

I?m not sure what is your experience of counselling or therapy, but if one doesn?t work out don?t give up. There are some good one out there.

Take good care MonkeyMunch.

amastie

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I self injure mostly as a result of being raped, so yes, i guess i knew it was a common response. . . I do it because I feel gross, I feel disgusted and I feel like it's my fault, so I self injure to punish myself physically for the pain I'm feeling...
My mom does know about it, but not all the details. . .My mom is not an emotional person, so she didn't really react when I told her, she didn't cry, she didn't hug me....nothing. So I guess the reason I don't want therapy in some part is because I don't feel that anyone caring about what happened to me is warranted...This is just a guess...

My nannies have no idea, my last nanny was when i was 13 I believe, and this happened when I was 17. I have a few friends who know about it, but aren't really involved...and nor should they be I guess...it's not their problem.

I think sometimes I overeat intentionally because I feel that if I become attractive I'll be a target for being raped again, I realize this is a silly thing to do, but it's all part of the protective layer I'm surrounding myself in...literally...

 

[amastie]

I understand a lot of what you talk of. When I was sexually abused I was much younger and my parents, though very good people, never knew what happened, and I felt too ashamed to tell them.

Then, I put it out of my mind till I was 25 years of age when, it suddenly stated to come back to me - not all at once, just in pieces. I had to see a counsellor who could make sense of the pieces as they unfolded within me.

There is absolutely no question that I overeat in order to protect myself sexually, but that's not a perfect answer. It creates problems of its own.

It sounds like you have never been to counselling because you don't trust anyone to understand. I'm now in my late fifties and it's true, that many counsellors and therapists, even when they are very good in their own way, don't necessarily understand the nature of what we experience. I was in my forties before I met someone who understood my experience of "other people" occupying the space inside which I identified as "me". Dissociation is another reaction to the experience of sexual (and other) overwhelming abuse. And, as I expect you know, so is cutting or self-injury.

I saw very many good therapists over many years and none of them recognized that I had been sexually abused. Only one thought that I may have actually invited sexual abuse as a child because I acted out so seductively as an adult with him, my therapist. What I later learned was that I act out from the feeling of a child still afraid that I will be hurt if I *don't* act seductively - but it is a facade, something acted out in order to be safe. But of course that isn't evident to others at all. In order not to do that, I bravely tell male doctors for example that I cannot see them because I do act out in that way. On the whole, my level of insight is met with respect.

Now I am seeing a psychiatrist who not only specializes in Dissociative Disorders but who also respects me very much. She supports me in seeking whatever alternative healing strategies I think will help me - which is very unusual in a psychiatrist. She practices what is called a form of therapy based on "phenomenological" criteria. Whatever the patient brings to her is the place from which to work. I believe in spirits and spiritual healing. It does not offend her professional ethics to have me pursue that. In fact, it complements it.


There are some things I am eager to say to you MonkeyMuch:

1. No matter how much you think there is no-one out there who can help you, you will never know until you try .. and keep trying! If one isn?t right, try another. And research to find different kinds of therapists, even if (like me) you have to travel across town to find them.

2. No matter how good a therapist is, answers are never guaranteed - but that is not a reason to give up. It is possible that you might find that you can more easily manage your fears and need to self-injure, you might find a therapist that helps you to feel more safe or more supported. You might find that you live life more happily. And that is better than what you have now.

3. Absolutely seek out support groups that are not just online. You need to be with people who know what it is to have been sexually abused. In every country, there are specially set up organizations to help people overcome the consequences of sexual abuse. They may be among the links on these pages. Certainly, you will find them if you look under ?support? or ?sexual abuse? in your local telephone directories.

4. Finally, MonkeyMunch, nothing and no-one can help you if you don?t want to be helped, if you prefer to feel worthless than to have hope. You have made contact with these forums. That shows that you are taking steps to look for help. Take the next step to look for help in your life off the internet. Stay in touch here of course, and use this as a sounding board to help you reach out in your physical world. I?m quite sure there are support groups for people who self-injure. I?ve spoken to many people online who self-injure and among them are those who find kind and supportive therapists who understand.

Good luck in all your endeavours

amastie