Just forget it all of it

[forgetmenot]

if one more person says we get over it i will scream why do they think we get over it why it is like cancer it eats away inside it never goes away never we never get over it never stupid stupid stupid people obviously they don't know anything abt pain or loss i will always hate me for what happened always we don't get over nothing ever. sorry just rant sorry

 

[Retired]

Re: just forget it all of it

I don't know the nature of your loss, Violet; as you correctly say, though, anyone who suggests that anyone can just snap out of their grief is uninformed and certainly unreasonable. Everyone finds ways to cope with their loss in their own way and in their own time. Everyone grieves in their own way, sometimes publicly, while others privately.

If it is any consolation, Violet, in time, the pain and sorrow tend to diminish; perhaps not entirely eradicated but at least the pain becomes bearable, while the wonderful memories of the good times remain.

At first there are more days when the pain supersedes and overrides the fond memories, but with time there tend to be more days when the memories of the good times outnumber the sad days.

We don't forget the ones we love who have left us, but we remember them fondly throughout the years, as their memory brings us a feeling of joy and connection to the legacy they left on our lives.

Have you considered locating a support group or organization dedicated to the kind of loss you have experienced, where you can meet people who have had similar experiences?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: just forget it all of it

Thanks i understand in time things will be less painful but we don't forget i am getting help through my therapist just people think if they committ suicide others behind will forget we don't forget we just blame ourselves why do they think we forget it doesn't make sense. Unfortunately we never really had good times to remember i just wish god i reached out more and helped thats sorry just a rant i don't think i will ever forgive myself for his death. In time maybe this pain will go maybe who knows. take care

 

[Retired]

Violet,

You are quite right, no one ever forgets the loss of a loved one, especially if it happened to occur as a result of a suicide. Your therapist is in the best position to provide you with the support and strategies that should, in time allow you to forgive, to cope and to lessen the heavy burden this loss has created.

If your loss was due to a loved one completing a suicide, Violet, you should not be holding yourself responsible. The person in question was obviously troubled, and for reasons we may never know, chose not to call out for help.

If you feel uncomfortable about responding to this question, feel free to ignore it. How long ago did this person complete their suicide and what was your relationship to that person?

I hope you eventually find the inner peace you deserve, through the intervention of your therapists and other support resources that care about you.

 

[forgetmenot]

He did call out for help no one answered it i was one who did not hear Oh god he was my brother year now i think i can't think today i know why he did it now i just wish he id not have to suffer so greatly i ignored him i was not apart of his life for so long i left all that behind god ileft it behind an dhim too and i didn't go reach out i didn't hear or god i can't stay in this pain anymore than he could dam past dam all of it im sorry It is because i did not take time to listen to truly listen and care he is gone.

 

[Murray]

Violet,
It was not your fault, please believe that. I am so sorry that you have had to suffer through so much pain. It is always easier looking back to see all of those signs that we think we missed or think of things we could have done, but you can't beat yourself up about it. He was in pain. It is not because of anything you did or didn't do that he is gone. It is really not your fault. It must be so hard for you especially since it hasn't been that long since it happened. Can your therapist help you with this? Take care of yourself.

 

[Retired]

As Murray puts it so well, Violet,

It is always easier looking back to see all of those signs that we think we missed or think of things we could have done, but you can't beat yourself up about it

There are so many reasons why signals from people contemplating suicide are missed, Violet. Often the signals are not clear, or maybe they sound like the same old seemingly familiar phrases that person has used for years. Most of us are not accustomed to connecting the dots, so to speak, when we observe certain behaviours, combined with certain comments, to conclude this might be a sign of potential suicide.

In addition, Violet, there can be certain risk factors in that person's life that we as family members or friends are not aware of, so we don't have the necessary information to make the correct conclusion.

Your pain must be very difficult. Violet, which is why you need to share your feelings with your therapist at the earliest possible opportunity.

You need to let your therapist know how you feel about your brother's suicide that took place a year ago.

May I ask, Violet, have you ever had thoughts of suicide in your own painful experiences?

Do you have the telephone numbers of local crisis lines in your community, Violet?

 

[SoSo]

Sorry Violet that you are in so much pain right now.
:support:SoSo

 

[forgetmenot]

My therapist knows my pain he knows god the pain is too deep I don't want to go back there anymore he suffered too much oh god why didn't anyone helllp why I don't care idont'care um oh i don't care i know i failed him i know and so i deserve what ever i get. i don't want this pain or other pain i don't want to think anymore my therapist knows all and someday maybe god willing i just don't understand anymore too many triggers to mch pain he didn't deserve any of it he just want to go home oh god i can 't do this i can't sorry yes suicidal thoughts are always there always i just don't know how i can hurt others how my mind not good i got to go sorry He just wanted someone to care thats it and we didn't so we all failed we failed dam it im sorry just delete everything i am tired sorry

 

[Tampa11]

Why do you feel so certain, what you may have done would have changed the outcome? In my opinion, the final decision on the outcome, was made by GOD, based on his plans not yours. This will allow you to move on, but not forget your brother.

 

[Mari]

Dear Violet, dealing with a death by suicide can be very difficult especially knowing that suicide is often a preventable death but many other types of death are also preventable. Even when a death was not preventable people left behind can still have many regrets and painful as well as pleasurable memories.

The day before my brother died I was on my way home from a day out in the sun and it would have been just a few minutes out of my way to stop by and visit with him and his family. I thought about it but I was so tired I decided I that I would just give him a call the next day, which turned out to be too late. I have cried a thousand times for that decision. :hug: Mari

 

[Banned]

My heart breaks for anyone who has lost a friend, sibling, parent, chlid, relative to suicide. It's a hard way to lose someone.

Life is hard in that we can't tell the future. Imagine how differently we'd do things if we could. But, we can't, so we make our decisions based on the information we have at the time. Looking back, there are lots of decisions we could have all made differently in life, that may or may not have made a difference to something major or minor, but so many of these things are out of our control. Is it really fair to you to carry that hurt and burden for the rest of your life, when there's no way you could have known or predicted a specific outcome? Is that how your loved one would want you to continue through life?

There are so many "what-ifs" and coulda-woulda-shoulda. It's a huge burden to carry and I hope through therapy and time, the hurt gets easier and those constant thoughts turn to fond memories instead of "I should have"...

My heart goes out to all of you.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know you understand Mari and i am sorry for your pain as well our decisions affect us until we die i think. God has nothing to do with any of this. He was never there never so don't even mention him. What happen was preventable but it was peoples decisions that prevented his saftey Your right though somehow i have to forgive myself somehow and just let this pain go somehow I will talk to therapist again not for awhile though. I am so tired like alot of people sorry take care okay the pain is less tonight just tired now

 

[SoSo]

Violet, I am so sorry for what happened, to your brother, to you, your family. I see your pain and how it is tearing you up inside. I am sorry. I have honestly considered ending it, more than once but am so glad I didn't. Not because it is important or that it matters much if I am here. I would never want to cause certain people I care about the pain you are going through now. I thank you for helping me see this, how much it hurts others so because of seeing this now, I will never consider it again, so...thank you for posting this and being strong enough to voice how you feel. I hope someday your heart will heal.
:support:SoSo

 

[forgetmenot]

funny this pain pushes me so close to just wanting it all over but it is this dam pain that in the end won't let me do it because i can't pass it on i can't not yet i just see all the suffering it would cause better one suffer right then a family suffer right i just want somehow the triggers the pain the sadness to go away too many triggers just too many Thanks Soso for understanding