Just out

[Lonewolf]

I have just got of hospital today after a couple of days in there!! It has been so difficult!! I caused myself serious injury in a very personal manner and I have had some challenges coping with the treatment I received!! So now I hurt quite badly physically but I have also prompted terrible memories I have previously managed to push out of my mind!! The Dr's and nurses were so kind to me, but I was paranoid that they were laughing at me because of my injuries!! I saw someone from the Mental Health Team and they still seem to think that they don't have anything to offer me!! They will ring me on Monday!! I was taken to the hospital by a member of staff at a group I attend because I was in agony and when I got out today, I rushed (as best I could because of the drugs I was on in hospital really effected my ability to walk!!) and gave that member of staff the biggest and the best hug I have ever had! And then I cried for what seemed forever!! Now I'm home, I'm scared and I'm still in a lot of pain!! Even though I feel as if I have cried all that I can, the tears are still streaming!! I have never hurt myself in this manner before!! It's not over yet because I have to see the GP next week to continue the treatment to sort out the problems I have caused!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Please be very careful Lonewolf because we don't want to see you in pain and we don't want to see you have to cope with tough things that make your life harder.

Please hang in there and we know that you can eventually find ways to express feelings and let feelings flow and then subside... but without the difficult after-effects. xx

 

[Lonewolf]

I don't even know why I did what I did? The thought of doing that has not even entered my head before let alone acting upon them!! It was like I was possessed or something!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Also Lonewolf, definitely ask on Monday if there is anything you can do to show the mental health service that you are ready to work with them and you do want to work on improving your mental health and coping. If you discuss things along those lines, you might be able to find out what you need to do to let them know that you can benefit from the services and you are ready to get as much as you can from the services.

xx

 

[Lonewolf]

I am going to do my best with that, thank you for your advice!! I appreciate that!!

---------- Post Merged at 04:04 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:59 PM ----------

I think I wanted to de-femanise myself because I don't want to be a female anymore (I don't want to be male either!!) but the people who would be able to assist me with this won't because of my instabilities!! So it's down to me to sort it!! I hate what makes me female!!

 

[MHealthJo]

It must be such a difficult thing for transgender people who do not have access to surgeries and things. I guess there must be thousands who for one reason or another cannot get access to surgeries.

It's always important though for people to make sure anyway, that they are really clear on their feelings. I guess it is possible sometimes, for people to have negative feelings towards a body part and it could partly be to do with some sort of trauma that has occurred or some negative experience they had. I guess it is so important that they can get clear on those feelings first sometimes.... work through other feelings first...? I don't know...

 

[Lonewolf]

Thank you for hearing me!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Glad to.....

I guess it's important too, to remember that just because a certain thing isn't an option now, doesn't mean it couldn't be in the future....

We don't know what the future holds and what can become possible in the future.