Lost

[Mandylife]

So I'm not sure what I'm doing here or what I can gain from this but ATM I'm willing to try almost anything!! I was abused twice in my life I'm only 22 this happened once when I was 4 and again by a different person through through my childhood an teens I didn't receive cousilling as a teen after it all came to light as I was told by a councller that cousilling wasn't for me I found it hard to open up and trust anyone

this is how I learnt to hide my emotions bottle everything up and fake a smile and it worked for a while untill a couple of weeks ago it all just became to much I'm not the kind of person to show emotion I don't talk about things I'm a very privet person but on this night I lost it I couldn't stop crying and I opened up to a friend who had know idea about my past she didn't know how to handle it and I only told her the very fine basics she took me to a doctor.

I was referred to a councller the only catch is you only get 12 sessions free a year which I have only just found out after completing 6 sessions in these six sessions I have only opened up once n it was in the last one but not much and now I'm worried that after the next six

It will just be the same it takes me a while to trust someone to be able to open up I don't know how to trust I don't know what I can do is there another kind of cousilling where you can do more then 12 sessions in a year?

And Im a student so I can't afford to pay a phycollogest but I know I need help I hate feeling like this everyday it's like I struggle to even function I don't know how to be normal I dont fit in anywhere because I just feel so down all the time I don't want to be around people this isn't what I thought my life would be like

 

[Cat Dancer]

Hi. I'm sorry you're struggling. Do you know if there is any way to get the sessions extended? Can you ask the therapist?

 

[MHealthJo]

I am so sorry for these experiences you have had and what you are going through...

If we knew what country or area you live in, we might be able to find some information about how you might get access to more help?

Also, at the place where you are a student, could you ask there about counselling or psychologist services they might have? Some education institutions provide this. Is there a student services office or something like that, where you could ask about it or look for leaflets?

Also, try googling the words counselling, abuse counselling, psychologist, or therapy, and the name of your city; and also in the google search add a word like "funded", "government", "subsidised", "students", "concession", or "discount". You might find some leads to cheaper or government-funded services that way?

It is great that you are looking for a way to get help and support and trying to open up - well done!

In the meantime, you might also find it useful to check out the self-help section of secondhand bookstores... You will often find affordable books there, to help and support you in your journey of trying to open up and help yourself... it could be like a bridge to keep helping you move forward.

 

[forgetmenot]

Also hun if you are at a university there may be student Psychologist in their last years that will be willing to give council ling at a reduced rate As said depending where you live hun there are government run therapies that are free as well

 

[Mandylife]

I live in Australia the gov only will give you 12 free sessions every year which is there solution to all the mental health issues currently

I can't do it at my college I'm too ashamed and worried about someone knowing

I currently drive 45 mins to see my current counsellor just in case someone sees me

I have looked on the Internet and I did ask my gp as you need a referral from them for everything but he can't give me a referral because he already did for the lady I'm seeing

I'm worried I'm going to feel like this forever

some days I don't even want to be alive it seems so much easier - I wouldn't do anything like that but it's often a thought I have this can't be normal

I also wake up almost every night shaking and have even been physically for the last 5 weeks or so but I can't remember why it's weird I know what I'm dreaming about I know what has happened to me but it's like there is a switch in my brain saying I don't know and won't let me think about it

am I crazy??

 

[forgetmenot]

No you are not crazy but you do need to talk to reach out for any support you can. There is nothing to be ashamed about you are not well emotionally and if the college councilor can help then use that resource. The will not judge you they will support you and perhaps give you other avenues of support as well. What ever supports you can obtain use them ok