Most days

[jasonp72]

Most days I just feel like giving up on everything from, food,health,parenting,work,relationships etc...

I recently separated from my wife and a 3 year old son and having difficult dealing with life stresses an duties.
I have sought counseling , been on several medications and anti anxiety meds but just feel like nothing works or helps.
I can't seem to maintain focus at work, lack of interest in new partners after about 3-4 months , my memory is that of goldfish where I can't remember positive things on the past and can't seem to learn new tasks.
Everyday seems like Groundhog Day where I come out of my hole, do my work thing and crawl back inside in hopes that it's all better tomorrow but it never is.
When I have my son every second weekend it feels as though I'm just a babysitter not a parent and can't seem to entertain him let alone myself.
I lack interest in new things, have no hobbies or interest in fun activities as they feel like chores or expected of me to do them .
I'm not suicidal nor do I wish harm on anyone just want to crawl into a warm hole and never come back out

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Jasonp72 i hear your sadness through your post like you are functioning to a point but then you are not feeling like robot mode. I don't know how long you have been on medication but it does take time for it to work. I hope you are talking to your doctor as well so you can get your med adjusted until you find something the right mix to help you. Are you getting any therapy to help you with the changes that you have had to make with the loss of your family life really. A therapist will help you to move forward and not stay stuck in that place you are in right now. I hope you continue to talk to us here as well so you do not feel so alone ok

 

[Retired]

Hello Jason and welcome to Psychlinks!

Sorry to hear about the breakup of your marriage. How long ago did this occur?

having difficult dealing with life stresses an duties

Were (are) these job related issues? Do these issues still affect your life?

I have sought counseling , been on several medications and anti anxiety meds but just feel like nothing works or helps.

Are you following any treatment plan at the present time.....ongoing psychotherapy therapy, medications if any?

What medications have you been prescribed...how long ago and for how long did you take them?

Your answers to these questions will help us provide some suggestions.

 

[Mari]

:welcome:

 

[jasonp72]

This all started shortly after I got married in 2007, during te recession of 2008 when I got demoted to a lesser paying job at work where I am still employed.

I became closed emotionally and took it personal and my ex wife told me she could no longer support me emotionally which to me was devastating after all I've done for her .

In the past 6 yrs I've been to therapy and counseling both alone and couples but didn't work and was attacked verbally by her on the way home. I've tried several medications like Cipralex, Wellbutrin, Clonazepam and one other which I can't recall but didn't like the side affects like losing sleep which is a big deal for me as I work rotating shifts , I am currently taking zopiclone for sleep everyday @ 7.5 mg sometimes 2 pills if I wake after a few hours.

I separated from my ex in Oct 2012 and was doing well this Xmas day this year when I went to visit my son at her place and she told me to leave and never come around her place again or her parents.

I have moved on and found someone of interest and I believe that she is jealous and doesn't want to see me happy so tried to kick my feet out from under me yet again,but in doing so she doesn't see what it is doing to our son .

He is young and impressionable yes but when I have him velvety second weekend e sees me happy and in turn is happier himself .

I try not to let her negativity bother me but she's know me for 23 years and pushed the right button at the right time to get her way and prove a point, it doesn't bother me anymore only the fact that it impacts my son.

This ordeal also puts a strain on a new relationship which I am working so hard to build and I think my ex wants to take that away from me too.

 

[jasonp72]

When I returned to my regular job in 2009 things got a bit better but not great and we decided to try for a child in 2010 as I was turning 40 soon and she was turning 37 so clicks were ticking. After my son was born she took the entire year off for maternity leave and I stayed at work as I was primary bread winner,made sense at the time.

When she returned to work I offered to get up early in the morning after my evening shift to spend time with him then drop him off before I went to work. This was not acceptable in her eyes and said no she wanted to keep him in routine, again taking away something that brought me joy, time with him.

Our marriage had really started falling apart after this and physical contact (sex,intimacy) became further apart ,13 months to be exact and only twice in two years so me being a very sexual person I felt the urge to have affair to get what any man needs in a basic form .

After so I felt such remorse and guilt I confessed to her everything and begged her to woke in this issue with me but it infuriated her more so almost like he expected me to do it so she would have another excuse to ask me for a divorce and so she did.

I have now over the past year, learned several things about myself and that I will not take any of the previous mentioned treatment from anyone I've dated, I have ended 4 relationships in the past 13 months as the red flags arise I give a bit of leeway but if attitude doesn't change I end it immediately without discussion.

I've also learned the hard way through soul searching and a lot of time alone that I cannot repeat my past ever again if I am to be successful at a new lasting relationship with anyone, it really does help to have a partner that listens when you speak not judges you when they hear you talk.

 

[W00BY]

There is lots going on here

Your relationship with your ex is always (from the sounds of things) going to be difficult!

I have a rule of thumb for long relationships that have children involved and that is 5 years...

It takes 5 years start to finish (if you get the peace you need) to get over a relationships, work out the direction you want to go in with your life, the kind of person you want to be, let the last relationship settle down (if it ever does) but generally take the emotionality out of it and for you to be able to be confident in what you are looking for in another person and then start looking for it.

Now that is a lot for any person to get round you have to consider here there seems to be ongoing issues with your ex partner who clearly has found a way to bring you to your knees at the drop of a hat and personally that is the first thing I would sort out.

You cannot change her behavior but you can change your own reactions and perceptions which in turn make her behavior a waste of time.

I also agree with forgetmenot meds sometimes require quite a bit of tinkering to get the right combo that works and there needs to be constant dialogue with your doc over this...which when depressed is the last thing you want to be doing but it is sooooo important.

Your depression it's self skews your view on what is happening and how you feel... what you think and there is evidence emerging that shift work can cause or exacerbate depression (as certainly was the case with my partner).
Over the years I found many ways to alleviate my own depression which do involve digging deep and pulling on resources your depression does not want you to do...like exercise it is the only true relief I get from my depression.

I am very reclusive when depressed and rarely make it out my pj's yet when I make the enormous effort it is worth it and I feel so much better I also find creativity a great way to lighten my depression...writing, music, art...writing even your thoughts in a journal is helpful you can find patterns to your behavior etc you were not aware of.

(I also have had therapy and been lucky to have a very good therapist which has helped massively).

Depression is very corrosive and takes over you so quickly that you need to battle it head on and always try and keep control of it.

I personally feel you need time, which again, depression makes you feel you are lagging behind and that you are not doing all that you should so that is another difficult thing.

There is more I could point out but what I have put already exhausts me just thinking about...it is understandable you feel as you do...tired...disinterested etc

Keep making the effort and keep talking you will get there!

There is so many resources on here may be of use to you and there are certainly many of the members who have experienced and came through things you are experiencing and finally...

welcome!

*smiley face*

 

[jasonp72]

Had a better day today , talking to my new partner I realize that not all women are created equal and that I was with someone that not only is self centered and neglectful of my needs, but also close minded and unsympathetic and that my ex and I just weren't meant to be now then or ever.

In talking to my current partner who I'm quite serious about a life with, I'm learning to trust again and her support right now is probably the best thing she can do for me, understanding Is key in a relationship as is support without ridicule or judgement.

Through reading some of the articles on this forum, it has to an extent explained what is wrong with me.

Over analyzing, worrying too much, insecurities, reclusion when stressed,understanding my triggers and trying to learn how to deal with them.

This has all come to light in past sessions with therapist but the problem is I forget when things are too for a while and when they start going bad I can't remember how to deal with things the way I should as to not have such anxiety about the small stuff.

People are who they are and it's not my duty to change them, in the past year I've changed my outlook on things.

"Accept what you cannot change and change what you can ."

This week it means something different, I can't change my ex's view of me so I've accepted that she will always treat me this way as that no matter what I do or say her opinion and views towards me will never change .

So be it , I've moved on

Sent from my iPhone 4S using Tapatalk

 

[forgetmenot]

Sorry Jason i just want to make sure you are fighting to have visitation rights for your son and that your wife does not have all the legal rights to him You need to fight for your rights too ok

 

[Retired]

In the past 6 yrs I've been to therapy and counseling both alone and couples but didn't work and was attacked verbally by her on the way home. I've tried several medications like Cipralex, Wellbutrin, Clonazepam and one other which I can't recall but didn't like the side affects like losing sleep which is a big deal for me as I work rotating shifts , I am currently taking zopiclone for sleep everyday @ 7.5 mg sometimes 2 pills if I wake after a few hours.

Are you saying that at present you are receiving no therapy, and the only medication you currently take is Imovane (zopiclone 7.5mg)?

Sometime during the last six years, you were prescribed Cipralex and Wellbutrin, two distinctly different antidepressants and a minor tranquilizer clonazepam....the clonazepam either independently or together with the Cipralex and Wellbutrin. There was another medication the name of which is not recalled.

How long did you take these medications...days, weeks, months?

Which one(s) kept you from sleeping?

Do you have a plan to resume therapy?

 

[jasonp72]

Currently no meds no therapy, I was on Cipralex for about 6 months 4 yrs ago and Wellbutrin last year for about two months and upped the dosage within 6 weeks.
I've come to realize that my ex wife is my biggest trigger and need to learn to deal with her

My therapist said that after 6 sessions I seem to be doing much better owe the course of 5 months and that if I decide to ween myself off meds that would be ok and doctor agreed


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[jasonp72]

I don't take the Clonazipam anymore and the last time I took one was over 2 months ago after an anxiety attack but only took it 3 times before that over the course of a month


Sent from my iPhone 4S using Tapatalk