Myths and facts about child sexual abuse

[Jazzey]

Teach More/Love More

Did you know that...

• 1 of every 3 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18?
• 1 of every 5 boys is sexually abused before age of 18?
• girls are usually sexually abused by a trusted family member?
• boys are usually sexually abused by a trusted adult outside the family?
• sexually abused children are from all cultural, racial and economic backgrounds?
• with supportive adults and appropriate treatment, the effects of childhood sexual abuse can be resolved?

This information was put together by Dr. Marjorie Lipton, Clinical Director of The Journey Institute of Miami. She can be reached at (305) 740-8998.

Myths vs. facts about child sexual abuse
Sexual abuse, a trauma surrounded by secrecy and shame, is hard to discuss. Here are some misconceptions that prevent dealing effectively with the trauma:

Myth 1:
Nonviolent sexual behavior between a child and an adult is not harmful to the child.
Fact:
Victims of sexual abuse often experience feelings of shame, guilt and anger, even if there are no obvious outward signs.

Myth 2:
Sexual abuse victims are "damaged goods" and their lives are ruined forever.
Fact:
While sexual abuse is very damaging, victims are not "damaged goods." Healing is easiest when people close to the abused person are supportive, the intervention is immediate, and appropriate therapy is provided to the child and the family. The recovery process is far more difficult the longer it is delayed.

Myth 3:
Sexually abused children often become offenders when they grow up.
Fact:
While offenders sometimes report being sexually abused as children, very few victims grow up to become offenders.

Myth 4:
All offenders are male; all victims are female.
Fact:
While most offenders are male, sexual abuse perpetrated by women is not at all rare. One out of five boys are sexually abused before the age of eighteen.

Myth 5:
The abuser is a weird or dangerous stranger.
Fact:
Four of every five cases of child sexual abuse are perpetrated by someone known to the child, often a relative or family friend.

Myth 6:
Children may lie about being sexually molested.
Fact:
Children usually do not have adult sexual knowledge unless they have been exposed to it.

Myth 7:
The reason some children are molested is because they are seductive or they wanted it to happen.
Fact:
Seductive behavior is not the cause. The perpetrator is 100% responsible for the abuse.

Myth 8:
If the child did not want it, s/he could say "No."
Fact:
Children are taught to respect adults and not to question them. The abuser uses a position of authority and power inherent in an adult/child relationship to bribe, coerce or threaten the child.

Myth 9:
Discussing sexual abuse will frighten or upset children.
Fact:
Having information can influence a child's response to the initial approach of the sexual abuser. A child with some awareness can better protect him/herself, and an assault may be prevented.

Myth 10:
Sexually abused children are better off if they just forget what happened.
Fact:
Children need to talk about traumatic or confusing experiences with people who can help them understand that it was not their fault. Not talking about it often maintains feelings of shame and guilt.
This information was put together by Dr. Marjorie Lipton, Clinical Director of The Journey Institute of Miami. She can be reached at (305) 740-8998.

 

[Jazzey]

(from the same website)

Talk with your child about sexual abuse

• Use vocabulary that your child will understand.
• Teach your child the correct names for sexual body parts.
• Be clear about the difference between healthy sex and sexual abuse (e.g., provide your child with an age-appropriate understanding of healthy sex; sexual abuse is touching that feels bad to the child because he/she did not want it, felt confused about it, and/or was tricked or forced into it.)
• Define healthy sex as touching that both people want and only occurs between adults.
• Explain to your child that while it is not likely that he or she will be sexually abused, it does happen to some children.
• Explain to your child that the offender can be someone he/she already knows.
• Explain to your child that even "nice" people sometimes do bad things.
• Explain to your child that the offender may be a person who gives him/her something in return for the child doing something else, or it may be a person who threatens and/or frightens him/her.
• Talk with your child about secrets. Explain the difference between a scary secret, which may involve something bad, and a surprise, which is usually good.

Protecting children from sexual victimization

Model clear boundaries:
Respect physical boundaries of your child including bathroom privacy, dressing privacy, unwanted touching, and sleeping privacy. (Each child should have his or her own bed.)
Respect your child’s emotional boundaries, including accepting his or her feelings and opinions.

Accept and support your child’s right to say “No” to any unwanted touching:
Notice and be cautious of even seemingly innocent touching by a friend or relative who hugs or kisses your child in a way your child does not like. Notice if your child is bullied by peers.
If your child complains about negative experiences, take him/her seriously.

Do not leave your child with others you do not know well:

• Be careful of adults who spend time with your child if it is not part of their job.
• Be wary of adults who flirt with your child.
• Be aware of adults with whom your child acts uncomfortable or inappropriate.
• Be wary of adults who abuse drugs or alcohol.
• Be careful of adults who physically abuse other adults or children.
• Never allow an individual previously convicted of a sexual offense around your child.
• Monitor and protect your child against any physical, emotional and/or sexual “acting out” by the other children.
• If there are other children in the home, be vigilant about seductive and/or overly controlling and/or aggressive behavior.