Not working

[Golden Lotus]

isn't working sorry to say... gave all had... still must give more....con's outweigh pro's 100 fold....music is very emotional and dark... mood controls music... ozzy, p.floyd, queen, b. sabbath and sixx am (others).... hate self for trusting...distrust....never trust again...hmm....you get hurt and are played as a pawn in a game... stopped for a few days was doing okay though struggling...very bad urges....other psych site forum made worse (details) got that little ditty how my life is to chaotic....hmm...like didn't know that...really wish would have just been honest and walked any of the many times I offered an out...why must people lie...now out of control self hate for trusting and letting someone in... rage indeed...

I had been clean 20 years until encountered that psych site...triggered... very explicit details of si... I finally trusted someone (moderator/global) figured knew what was doing... my mistake...a fool indeed...life in spiral...told had too much going on could they handle it...answer yes here for you blah...blah...blah... given several opportunities to walk yet said no...now decided to walk worst possible time... no worries used to alone however annoyed at self trusted them...hmm... .tragedies / hardships constant (no joke always something)... life constant chaos... hmm... just got to be too much to handle and finally trusted someone for what...never this bad....now don't care....tried to tell them my life is beyond stressful...but smiling good at that... great advice in article if your not that far gone I suppose... very bad night...done venting in words for now... but thought article was good.... have a good evening...smiling always! GL
live, laugh, and love much if you can...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So you had a bad experience on a forum and now you've concluded it's hopeless?

First, that's a pretty sad reason for giving up.

Second, I don't think you really believe it's hopeless. You just registered here a couple of days ago. Why would you do that if you think it's hopeless.

Question: Are you using alcohol or non-prescription drugs?

 

[Golden Lotus]

David no worries hun…anyway it is a control thing for me not normal method like those today let’s say….I said this was a last ditch effort if you recall…trying to find reason…no the bad experience just precipitated everything else going on…now am I pissed at self… hell yes… know not to trust and did…I won’t go into detail about life but heavy unforeseen medical (self/family), family member injured recently 3 times under med. care (enraged me), death couple days ago (close) …within last couple months all hell broke loose…and many other serious things not mentioning…self…won’t either…

life in wee spiral more than usual…so sad perhaps but trying…reason came here…finally got back on med's (heavy med's) abrupt stop after 15 yrs...damage done causing serious problems…poling (rapid) not b/p though…yes use other when needed usually hooch for appetite … different story not going into…anyway hope answers your questions…

My old shrink was killed... had him very long time (2 car accidents) pulled life together many times with him…just don’t have him to help…tried trusting again and went south with other shrinks… tried trusting on forum…hmm…so yeah kindof pathetic I guess when you cannot trust people…not for lack of trying…but hay what do you do cry about it…not the type don’t cry…shutting down is how deal usually…like control of something…lack of it not good…

so this is where I am… not so shallow/sad as you think… but I was ambiguous/vague good at that…self defense mechanism activated…so no worries David I am here to try to help self…angry fell back into this after so long too…you can’t imagine self loathing gave into dark side took yrs. to beat last time…Pandora’s box opened will get interesting indeed…boring would be a nice reprieve…thank you for your concern hun…appreciated…but dealing…best can…always smiling…live laugh and love much…hmm *comfortably numb…p/f… have good evening/ morning .…GL

 

[Marcel]

Hi Golden Lotus - I'm sorry you have so much going on right now and that when you reached out to the other forum for support, you got hurt. I have gotten hurt on forums before too - I'm glad you decided to try another forum, rather than giving up. I have trouble trusting people too and usually just stick to animals - I find they are more reliable and less likely to hurt you - but sometimes it is nice to have people (humans) to talk to as well.

 

[Golden Lotus]

hay buffy sorry you had such a rough go of things...*beautiful christina angulara listen to that to boost your spirits...your beautiful hun... yes i concur animals loyal/lovable/dependable/non judgmental etc... ...miss mine but circle of life...had long time lost pretty recent I guess you could say...(pack animals all went within wks. of each other)...moods changed...so good now thanks...bye hun thanks for reply and good luck with everything....gotta go have a great day... live, laugh, love much ...always smiling GL

 

[forgetmenot]

I am glad you continue to reach out for support although i know trust is not a big thing for me either. There are good people but i know at times it is hard to find them especially when you are feeling so down. I am glad to hear you got help to start back on your medication it should help you cope some. Keep talking okay its okay you don't have to worry no one will judge you I hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Yuray]

You seem to have a 'quiet acceptance' of all that is stressing you. You have a good take on all that is wrong with your life. Now what? Where do we go from here? Are you looking for remedies or just a place to vent? (both are acceptable and will be responded to with genuine compassion)

live, laugh, love much ...always smiling GL

Are these words an insight to how you are?....want to be?......hope to be?....can never be?

 

[forgetmenot]

I hope you are getting some help to deal with the death of your loved ones a therapist councelling to help you with the grief It must be very hard to have lost someone so recently I hope you have supportive people around you so you do not have to go through this alone take care