I've been through bouts of anxiety and fear, felt intense feelings of dread that were indescribable and made me feel suicidal, and I got through it all!
I don't mean to simplify your anxiety, or mine, but looking back, from my viewpoint there were two things that caused my anxiety:
I stand in the middle of a round white sheet of canvas (a bit like a donut where I'm cut out in the middle) as I imagine everyone I possibly wouldn't have forgiven, or even have, standing right under the wavy sheet of canvas.
Next I let all the people sit or stand or lay down according to my perception of what they would do given their personality (ie. whatever feels comfortable for them). I lower the sheet of canvas down slowly, tighly around them until it looks like bits sticking out of thick polythene. If you wish, cover them whole, underneath as well, until its like a flying saucer.
Now as you're standing in the middle on your little round stage, look around and slowly let go of all that hurt and pain while they're not looking. If you wish, peak under the sheet at them and "feel" your release. Take your time as you imagine each of them still inside your cover. When you finally feel you can, slowly lift off the canvas to reveal everyone slowly standing. They are probably smiling at you.
As your canvas lifts higher, take your time to let its wavy cover fly over their heads. Eventually, imagine it vanish into thin air, into little white powdery residue, a bit like magic dust really, as it settles into every single person there that you have forgiven, like a mist.
I don't mean to simplify your anxiety, or mine, but looking back, from my viewpoint there were two things that caused my anxiety:
- Negative thoughts, consistent or otherwise, especially about myself
- Thinking I wasn't good enough
- Accept yourself just the way you are, all the good and the bad. Accept everyone else just the way they are, both good and bad. Remember, there is no good without bad. There is good in every single person, even the most negative people.
- You are short-selling yourself. Maybe you focus on what you lack, or what you don't like about yourself. Affirm your good characteristics and say this to yourself "I am better than I think I am", out loud with gusto.
- Stop worrying, take a deep stomach breath and say "Everything is alright" because look around you, and you'll probably realise everything is.
- When you feel the fear, take action. Do the very action you were avoiding without delay.
- Think about the big picture. Give it your full attention. Anxiety is caused by petty negative thoughts, like a flipside of day dreaming really. Concentrate on what you are doing or where you are going.
Here's a neat trick I use for an oral presentation:
- Stop thinking about your oral presentation
- Take yourself somewhere nice, where you can picture yourself laughing in a past situation. Relish the emotions and feelings.
- Now think about yourself giving your presentation to a happy smiling attentive crowd while you confidently present your talk.
- Concentrate more on what you are going to say - remember, the big picture.
- Forgive. This is the most crucial point of all, and yet I say it last because you can cleanse yourself everyday using this method while the rest of the points I've made is just a patch to keep you going.
- FORGIVE YOURSELF
You are not perfect. You are born perfect, but there is both good and bad in you. The bad is just as potent, and you can choose to accept that wholly. Forgive yourself for the "bad" or negative thoughts you've had. Really feel it inside you. Forgive yourself for being anxious. You can't always be at peace with yourself.
- FORGIVE OTHERS
I find this really important, perhaps more important than forgiving myself when it comes to social anxiety. If anyone has offended you, you need to let go of that hurt. Nobody is perfect. Recognise that what goes around comes around - you've done it too. People or situations may hurt you, and you may be carrying that baggage along , which causes you to grieve in silence, and in turn cause anxiety.
- FORGIVE YOURSELF
I stand in the middle of a round white sheet of canvas (a bit like a donut where I'm cut out in the middle) as I imagine everyone I possibly wouldn't have forgiven, or even have, standing right under the wavy sheet of canvas.
Next I let all the people sit or stand or lay down according to my perception of what they would do given their personality (ie. whatever feels comfortable for them). I lower the sheet of canvas down slowly, tighly around them until it looks like bits sticking out of thick polythene. If you wish, cover them whole, underneath as well, until its like a flying saucer.
Now as you're standing in the middle on your little round stage, look around and slowly let go of all that hurt and pain while they're not looking. If you wish, peak under the sheet at them and "feel" your release. Take your time as you imagine each of them still inside your cover. When you finally feel you can, slowly lift off the canvas to reveal everyone slowly standing. They are probably smiling at you.
As your canvas lifts higher, take your time to let its wavy cover fly over their heads. Eventually, imagine it vanish into thin air, into little white powdery residue, a bit like magic dust really, as it settles into every single person there that you have forgiven, like a mist.
