Atlantean
Member
...But I just want to die.
I am so fed up with everything and continually falling through the cracks of a worthless mental healthcare system.
I have an appt tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. to see about resuming my (relatively high-dose) Thorazine, which I take for anxiety and severe insomnia. I hate it, though. And, I have Frontal Lobe Epilepsy, which it (Thorazine) greatly increases the frequency and intensity of my seizures. Also, the frontal lobe is where the emotions are regulated, which I believe is another part of my problem.
I have tried so hard to fix myself and my life. I am a full-time student with a perfect 4.0 GPA getting my degrees in IT/Business/Psychology (x2). I have also been in the process of starting an IT company here in town for about the last month. I have to stay busy or in "pissed-off" mode, otherwise I just cant function.
Everything in me just started to collapse on the first. It started with extreme mental fatigue and exhaustion, then I seized on the 3rd and things have just been getting progressively worse. Things have been exceptionally stressful for years, though most this all reached a fever-pitch the first week of October. I was abducted and raped for 2.5 hours by three men in a white van, all because I was walking to the drugstore to pick up my prescriptions which I really just wanted to get away from my husband, who never should have even been there. I had tried calling the police and having him removed, but, of course, they did nothing, even though he didnt even live there. ..No one ever does anything. And yes, I did go to the hospital and was an inpatient for nine days after the attack. Useless, as always. ...One of my groups involved reading an article and summarizing it. Mine was on how Texas no longer gives it's Death Row inmates a "last dinner." ...Yeah, really helpful.
I dont really want to kill myself, I just wish something would make me die. I am just so tired. I really would not care if someone killed me. I think they would be doing me a favor and I would probably thank them.
I know, there is probably more you could or should know, and I dont even know what I expect to get from making this post. Im just totally worn out and exhausted. I would have checked myself into UVA on the first, but I knew it would be futile, and I also had classes resuming on the 2nd. Would have probably just left me feeling even worse, though. (I say that from experience).
-Starr
I am so fed up with everything and continually falling through the cracks of a worthless mental healthcare system.
I have an appt tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. to see about resuming my (relatively high-dose) Thorazine, which I take for anxiety and severe insomnia. I hate it, though. And, I have Frontal Lobe Epilepsy, which it (Thorazine) greatly increases the frequency and intensity of my seizures. Also, the frontal lobe is where the emotions are regulated, which I believe is another part of my problem.
I have tried so hard to fix myself and my life. I am a full-time student with a perfect 4.0 GPA getting my degrees in IT/Business/Psychology (x2). I have also been in the process of starting an IT company here in town for about the last month. I have to stay busy or in "pissed-off" mode, otherwise I just cant function.
Everything in me just started to collapse on the first. It started with extreme mental fatigue and exhaustion, then I seized on the 3rd and things have just been getting progressively worse. Things have been exceptionally stressful for years, though most this all reached a fever-pitch the first week of October. I was abducted and raped for 2.5 hours by three men in a white van, all because I was walking to the drugstore to pick up my prescriptions which I really just wanted to get away from my husband, who never should have even been there. I had tried calling the police and having him removed, but, of course, they did nothing, even though he didnt even live there. ..No one ever does anything. And yes, I did go to the hospital and was an inpatient for nine days after the attack. Useless, as always. ...One of my groups involved reading an article and summarizing it. Mine was on how Texas no longer gives it's Death Row inmates a "last dinner." ...Yeah, really helpful.
I dont really want to kill myself, I just wish something would make me die. I am just so tired. I really would not care if someone killed me. I think they would be doing me a favor and I would probably thank them.
I know, there is probably more you could or should know, and I dont even know what I expect to get from making this post. Im just totally worn out and exhausted. I would have checked myself into UVA on the first, but I knew it would be futile, and I also had classes resuming on the 2nd. Would have probably just left me feeling even worse, though. (I say that from experience).
-Starr
