Hi. Both my sister and myself seem to have the same problems with our mum. Our life when we were small was just about normal till we were about 8/10 then she had an affair, then our dad had an affair with that man's wife, it was all very complicated for over a year as far as i can remember. The 2 families used to go on holidays together but the couples swapped like my dad in the hotel room with the other woman. Also weekends one couple (example my mum and other man) would look after the 4 children and don't really know what the other couple did but we did not see them. This for us was very difficult. We lived in a small village and we were the talk of the town. Others would not let their children play with me because of what went on in our house. In the end the other man and his wife split up and he moved into a small flat (i remember going to stay there)then he committed suicide. All i can remember was i didn't go to school that day. i was left with someone and then i remember visiting the grave the day after the funeral and my mum taking loads of photos. Sometime after this she tried to commit suicide. The memories are very vague and have never spoken about all this to anyone till i had my children 15 years ago. Before i used to get very distressed thinking about it all ,now it's not so bad .
The sad thing is our mum seems to think we had a great childhood. We didn't. All she's been interested her whole life is herself , great holidays (who goes to the Disney and leaves the children at home), they used to go out to dinner and we would be left to sleep in the car. My dad i understand is part at fault. She would have the best of everything - clothes, hairdressers, and nothing was spent on us.
We've coped with this but now we are 40 /42 we have our own lives and i will see her only in my house as here i feel strong enough to cope with her , she has constant tantrums ,can be really nasty .
When she visits it's only to walk in the door connect to my internet and use my phone , before to try for my children sake i used to have them to lunch and now for the last 6 months i've not and i'm sure this is really getting to her. This is what she sent me on Halloween night:
I am finding it very difficult communicating with you.
If I ring you early I get told of. if I wait till later you are to busy to talk. I can’t win
I wanted to speak to you both weekends but you don’t ring me back. When I did speak to you last night I had forgotten about half of what I needed to tell you. I told you a couple of weeks ago I wasn’t feeling well and you were not interested.
I need to know how much we have made from the apartment and the expenses.We still don’t seem to have enough cash to see us through the winter.
I am finding very difficult to cope with everything and do not want another stroke.Everyone seems to think we have help from you sorting things out as they do with their families. Anyway I have accepted that you like Mandy lead a very busy life and we are far down the list of priorities.
We always feel you do not have much time for us. We now have a problem with the boat partnership.
Did you say anything to Manolo about what I said about you taking the apartment at a discounted price.
I find out now Joan committed suicide because she couldn’t cope anymore.
Dad is now 72 and I just want the hassle out of our life.
We had an appointment with Daniel on Friday waited outside his office for half an hour and he didn’t turn up and I couldn’t get hold of him.
Dad now has to have a cataract operation.
It would be nice sometimes if you were to call in to see us or perhaps invite us over as a family instead of us feeling we have to make an appointment to see you.I have invited you so many times and you always find some excuse not to come.
I can remember when we were thinking of moving to San Telmo you said you definitely wouldn’t be coming to see us there. Well you are often in Palma but still don’t have time to see us or meet us.
I was most upset about my birthday this year.I wasn’t even allowed to see my Grand children.
These things will never bother Dad but bother me.
Manolo was always so fond of his parents and I feel would have done anything for them. I just hope that he doesn’t think we don’t care.
May be you should talk to your Dad.
Am now going to get my cable if it has arrived
Will always love you whatever.
Mum
she has had 5 minor strokes that have not affected her in any way , but when she has a scan you can see the spots , but doctors have told me this has nothing to do with her bizarre behaviour, when she says she phones me that mean she rings i pick up and she says ring me back . apart from not feeling comfortable visiting them if we do we are told not to eat to much!!! and as for the birthday when i said about meeting she had planned a party with her friends .
sorry about this rant but i'm not sure whether to just ignore this email or answer it , i needed a mum when i was little not now when i have my own life , i have lost 3 really good friends due to her getting involved with them . I work all week , and want to enjoy my time off not be on edge .
thanks for reading
The sad thing is our mum seems to think we had a great childhood. We didn't. All she's been interested her whole life is herself , great holidays (who goes to the Disney and leaves the children at home), they used to go out to dinner and we would be left to sleep in the car. My dad i understand is part at fault. She would have the best of everything - clothes, hairdressers, and nothing was spent on us.
We've coped with this but now we are 40 /42 we have our own lives and i will see her only in my house as here i feel strong enough to cope with her , she has constant tantrums ,can be really nasty .
When she visits it's only to walk in the door connect to my internet and use my phone , before to try for my children sake i used to have them to lunch and now for the last 6 months i've not and i'm sure this is really getting to her. This is what she sent me on Halloween night:
I am finding it very difficult communicating with you.
If I ring you early I get told of. if I wait till later you are to busy to talk. I can’t win
I wanted to speak to you both weekends but you don’t ring me back. When I did speak to you last night I had forgotten about half of what I needed to tell you. I told you a couple of weeks ago I wasn’t feeling well and you were not interested.
I need to know how much we have made from the apartment and the expenses.We still don’t seem to have enough cash to see us through the winter.
I am finding very difficult to cope with everything and do not want another stroke.Everyone seems to think we have help from you sorting things out as they do with their families. Anyway I have accepted that you like Mandy lead a very busy life and we are far down the list of priorities.
We always feel you do not have much time for us. We now have a problem with the boat partnership.
Did you say anything to Manolo about what I said about you taking the apartment at a discounted price.
I find out now Joan committed suicide because she couldn’t cope anymore.
Dad is now 72 and I just want the hassle out of our life.
We had an appointment with Daniel on Friday waited outside his office for half an hour and he didn’t turn up and I couldn’t get hold of him.
Dad now has to have a cataract operation.
It would be nice sometimes if you were to call in to see us or perhaps invite us over as a family instead of us feeling we have to make an appointment to see you.I have invited you so many times and you always find some excuse not to come.
I can remember when we were thinking of moving to San Telmo you said you definitely wouldn’t be coming to see us there. Well you are often in Palma but still don’t have time to see us or meet us.
I was most upset about my birthday this year.I wasn’t even allowed to see my Grand children.
These things will never bother Dad but bother me.
Manolo was always so fond of his parents and I feel would have done anything for them. I just hope that he doesn’t think we don’t care.
May be you should talk to your Dad.
Am now going to get my cable if it has arrived
Will always love you whatever.
Mum
sorry about this rant but i'm not sure whether to just ignore this email or answer it , i needed a mum when i was little not now when i have my own life , i have lost 3 really good friends due to her getting involved with them . I work all week , and want to enjoy my time off not be on edge .
thanks for reading
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