I decided to post here rather than in the General forum, as I did in my first thread http://forum.psychlinks.ca/general-support-and-advice/23723-strange-recent-ideations.html, since I was told these are obsessive thoughts.
For a while the anxiety from these thoughts diminished. But, more and more terrible thoughts and ideas keep coming to me. Like, today, it feels like some demonic influence keeps wanting me to break up with my boyfriend, despite the fact I would never, ever do that. We love each other so much. I would likely become suicidal if we ever broke up. Any happy image or story is accompanied by these terrible and dark thoughts, which has the dual effect of sapping happiness from my life and makes me anxious. I think perhaps it's worst on some nights, when I try to sleep, and there is absolutely nothing to distract me from it besides drowsiness, which sometimes isn't present.
I know I should go to a doctor (which will be next month) for medication or some diagnosis, but, I guess I'm trying to ask, will I ever be fully at peace with these new, disgusting ideas, or will I always have anxiety and need to be medicated for the rest of my life? I don't like this. Some days I question my sanity or ability to conduct myself in a moralistic, ethical manner.
For a while the anxiety from these thoughts diminished. But, more and more terrible thoughts and ideas keep coming to me. Like, today, it feels like some demonic influence keeps wanting me to break up with my boyfriend, despite the fact I would never, ever do that. We love each other so much. I would likely become suicidal if we ever broke up. Any happy image or story is accompanied by these terrible and dark thoughts, which has the dual effect of sapping happiness from my life and makes me anxious. I think perhaps it's worst on some nights, when I try to sleep, and there is absolutely nothing to distract me from it besides drowsiness, which sometimes isn't present.
I know I should go to a doctor (which will be next month) for medication or some diagnosis, but, I guess I'm trying to ask, will I ever be fully at peace with these new, disgusting ideas, or will I always have anxiety and need to be medicated for the rest of my life? I don't like this. Some days I question my sanity or ability to conduct myself in a moralistic, ethical manner.