Hey, it's been aaaages since i've posted on here, but i wondered if anyone could answer a few questions for me?
I used to post on here a little, a few years ago - I was really depressed, constantly contemplating suicide, SI'ing almost every day, was in a bit of a state in general.
Thankfully nowadays, i'm a hell of alot better. I more or less pulled myself out of my psychological hole and, (without knowing what it was at the time, only really clicked what it was when i was doing psychology this year at college) implemented a bit of self-cbt (Not intending to sound pretentious, not to say that i magically taught myself a whole therapy, just that over time I worked hard to convert my negative thought processes, which i now realise were for the most part entirely unrealistic, into much more rational ones which have in turn massively helped reduce my depressive feelings). I wasn't alone in this ofcourse, i didn't attend therapy or take anti-depressants but i did make a new base of friends which helped hugely with my self-esteem issues.
However, i still do get bouts of feeling extremely depressed and relapsing to having the urge to Cut, and generally want to keep in my room for days on end not interacting with anyone outside it. They typically last about 4-7 days, perhaps every month or two (note: i don't always stay inside for the duration, i do continue with day-to-day life some/ most of the time though i really don't want to be around people in general) and i'm convinced that this is due to everyday stress combined with still struggling with big self-image and self-esteem issues, as there doesn't seem to be any specific trigger that i can recognise.
Alot of the issues i have, or some of them at least, are to do with my own laziness. I'm not fat, or even chubby, but i still see myself as such and i'm far from having an attractive physique. Mirrors are problematic because no matter what anyone else says, all that pops into my head is that i'm ridiculously ugly and i'm going to be lonely forever. So eventually these perceptions of myself batter me down to the point where i feel really down, procrastinate with anything that would positively improve my perceptions, and repeat the cycle.
There are a few other issues which contribute to the self-image part above, which i'll post later in the "Sex and sexuality section", but leave for now as this is dragging on I think xD
Aaanyways, my main question is;
Would you recommend actually going to therapy of some description, in order to eradicate these infrequent bouts of somewhat intense depression, or simply continue with doing my best to deal with the issues affecting my negative thinking (i.e eating well, excercising, doing my best to not think of things in terms of negativity).
Normally i'd go with the latter, and address the former if after i'd acheived correcting the issues i think are affecting my self esteem and mood so much, i was still getting these bouts of depression.
But there's another problem which was somewhat overshadowed back when i was younger posting on here which is now quite a bit more prevalent. I'm finding that in alot of social situations, i'm EXTREMELY anxious. This isn't to say that i'm not very sociable, nowadays i've got a really good group of friends which i go out with alot and, now that i'm used to them, i'm less nervous around them and interacting with them, to the point where it's on a normal level. Although sometimes i either don't say anything, or I have to think hard for something to say, or rehearse what i want to say in my head obsessively, i don't mind. I'm a good listener anyways, i'm not one that feels the need to fill every silence or talk incessantly.
But, around people i don't know my mind blocks. I never quite know what to say, i get really anxious and self-conscious, with thoughts such as "Why aren't you able to talk to them like everyone else is, you're such an idiot" or "Why would they want to talk to you even if you tried, you're just an ugly fat ****". This doesn't help at all with the situation, and i make a terrible first impression. Or at least, i think that i do.
That's annoying, but it's not entirely uncontrollable. But i get really anxious doing simple things in public like walking down the street. I'll be convinced everyone is looking at me / judging me. I'll get really, really nervous and feel like i don't fit in my own skin if that makes any sense at all, that i'm walking really strangely, the way my arms are moving looks stupid, that i'm breathing really loudly so i'll try to regulate it to the point where my chest gets tight. At times i'll just want to go home away from people and stay there, though i don't let it interfere with my daily life to that extent.
So combined with the first section, would you think it would be worth seeing a therapist? Any drug treatments you think may be appropriate, and any idea what the hell this anxiety thing is?
Sorry for the relatively long post, tried to be as concise as possible without rambling on
I used to post on here a little, a few years ago - I was really depressed, constantly contemplating suicide, SI'ing almost every day, was in a bit of a state in general.
Thankfully nowadays, i'm a hell of alot better. I more or less pulled myself out of my psychological hole and, (without knowing what it was at the time, only really clicked what it was when i was doing psychology this year at college) implemented a bit of self-cbt (Not intending to sound pretentious, not to say that i magically taught myself a whole therapy, just that over time I worked hard to convert my negative thought processes, which i now realise were for the most part entirely unrealistic, into much more rational ones which have in turn massively helped reduce my depressive feelings). I wasn't alone in this ofcourse, i didn't attend therapy or take anti-depressants but i did make a new base of friends which helped hugely with my self-esteem issues.
However, i still do get bouts of feeling extremely depressed and relapsing to having the urge to Cut, and generally want to keep in my room for days on end not interacting with anyone outside it. They typically last about 4-7 days, perhaps every month or two (note: i don't always stay inside for the duration, i do continue with day-to-day life some/ most of the time though i really don't want to be around people in general) and i'm convinced that this is due to everyday stress combined with still struggling with big self-image and self-esteem issues, as there doesn't seem to be any specific trigger that i can recognise.
Alot of the issues i have, or some of them at least, are to do with my own laziness. I'm not fat, or even chubby, but i still see myself as such and i'm far from having an attractive physique. Mirrors are problematic because no matter what anyone else says, all that pops into my head is that i'm ridiculously ugly and i'm going to be lonely forever. So eventually these perceptions of myself batter me down to the point where i feel really down, procrastinate with anything that would positively improve my perceptions, and repeat the cycle.
There are a few other issues which contribute to the self-image part above, which i'll post later in the "Sex and sexuality section", but leave for now as this is dragging on I think xD
Aaanyways, my main question is;
Would you recommend actually going to therapy of some description, in order to eradicate these infrequent bouts of somewhat intense depression, or simply continue with doing my best to deal with the issues affecting my negative thinking (i.e eating well, excercising, doing my best to not think of things in terms of negativity).
Normally i'd go with the latter, and address the former if after i'd acheived correcting the issues i think are affecting my self esteem and mood so much, i was still getting these bouts of depression.
But there's another problem which was somewhat overshadowed back when i was younger posting on here which is now quite a bit more prevalent. I'm finding that in alot of social situations, i'm EXTREMELY anxious. This isn't to say that i'm not very sociable, nowadays i've got a really good group of friends which i go out with alot and, now that i'm used to them, i'm less nervous around them and interacting with them, to the point where it's on a normal level. Although sometimes i either don't say anything, or I have to think hard for something to say, or rehearse what i want to say in my head obsessively, i don't mind. I'm a good listener anyways, i'm not one that feels the need to fill every silence or talk incessantly.
But, around people i don't know my mind blocks. I never quite know what to say, i get really anxious and self-conscious, with thoughts such as "Why aren't you able to talk to them like everyone else is, you're such an idiot" or "Why would they want to talk to you even if you tried, you're just an ugly fat ****". This doesn't help at all with the situation, and i make a terrible first impression. Or at least, i think that i do.
That's annoying, but it's not entirely uncontrollable. But i get really anxious doing simple things in public like walking down the street. I'll be convinced everyone is looking at me / judging me. I'll get really, really nervous and feel like i don't fit in my own skin if that makes any sense at all, that i'm walking really strangely, the way my arms are moving looks stupid, that i'm breathing really loudly so i'll try to regulate it to the point where my chest gets tight. At times i'll just want to go home away from people and stay there, though i don't let it interfere with my daily life to that extent.
So combined with the first section, would you think it would be worth seeing a therapist? Any drug treatments you think may be appropriate, and any idea what the hell this anxiety thing is?
Sorry for the relatively long post, tried to be as concise as possible without rambling on
