David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Seven NEW Valentine's Day Rules: Love, Sacrifice, Suffering & Death in Jail
by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., Psychology Today
February 13, 2010
Love, Sacrifice, Suffering & Death in Jail... Happy Valentine's Day! Seven NEW Valentine's Day Rules (for Him and Her)
Many of us have written about how much Valentine's Day sucks in both professional[1] and trade journals[2]. No need to rehash the ridiculous commercialism of this Hallmark-generated holiday. But I will anyway: the unhappiness women feel when their man comes up small, yada, yada, yada. In short (sorry about the penis jokes), many people have argued that it's best to do away with this crass holiday altogether.
But I don't agree. I believe that we need to get back to the true meanings and origins of this holiday. What are they? The day is based on the story of St. Valentine's sacrifice, suffering and death in a jail[3]. Ok, so we won't deal with the whole death thing. But honoring the sacrifice and suffering is another matter entirely. I propose that men and women achieve gainful suffering by walking a mile in each other's boots. Therefore, in the true spirit of Valentine's Day men spend the whole day doing these seven KEY female activities.
The new V-Day rules for men:
The new V-Day rules for women:
Notes:
by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., Psychology Today
February 13, 2010
Love, Sacrifice, Suffering & Death in Jail... Happy Valentine's Day! Seven NEW Valentine's Day Rules (for Him and Her)
Many of us have written about how much Valentine's Day sucks in both professional[1] and trade journals[2]. No need to rehash the ridiculous commercialism of this Hallmark-generated holiday. But I will anyway: the unhappiness women feel when their man comes up small, yada, yada, yada. In short (sorry about the penis jokes), many people have argued that it's best to do away with this crass holiday altogether.
But I don't agree. I believe that we need to get back to the true meanings and origins of this holiday. What are they? The day is based on the story of St. Valentine's sacrifice, suffering and death in a jail[3]. Ok, so we won't deal with the whole death thing. But honoring the sacrifice and suffering is another matter entirely. I propose that men and women achieve gainful suffering by walking a mile in each other's boots. Therefore, in the true spirit of Valentine's Day men spend the whole day doing these seven KEY female activities.
The new V-Day rules for men:
- Eat salad (hold the dressing)
- Get a bikini and mustache wax (ouch)
- Wear a tight thong that goes up crotch
- Walk all day in tight pointy shoes
- Practice hours of burn-your-arse-off yoga in a room that feels like a sauna
- Drink no alcohol (too fattening)
- Talk at length about feelings, especially painful ones
The new V-Day rules for women:
- Eat greasy wings, dogs, burgers and copious amounts of "fresh" light beer
- Watch game while the home team loses
- Squeal, scream at big screen TV ?til you are hoarse
- Play and suck at new video game
- Scratch crotch
- Wear unwashed sweats all day
- Are forbidden to speak anything deeper than a basket, a foul, a bad call or clock mismanagement.
Notes:
- Kirschner, D. A. & Kirschner, S., February, 2009. "It's worse than Christmas: Why Valentine's Day Sucks." Journal of Applied Psychological Obfuscation, 214, pp. 1-95.
- Kirschner, D.A. February, 1895. "Take this Valentine and Shove It: A New Look." The Prairie Ladies' Home Journal, page 1 and a little bit on the back.
- According to one myth, St. Valentine was martyred for marrying young men (to each other?) instead of obeying the Roman Emperor's command forbidding them to marry. There are, according to wiki, numerous martyrs named Valentine. Suggestion: do not name your kid, Valentine.
- Upon further peer review, it appears that this does not appear in Outliers.
