Severe anxiety

[Cat Dancer]

I did take my prescribed dose of klonopin so I'm hoping that will help. The anxiety is making me feel sick. I hate feeling like this. It's late and I can't do much else but wait to fall asleep and the waiting is hard. I had stopped my medications for a few days in the hopes that I would feel better. I think this is a big factor. I just think something is messed up inside me and I don't know how to fix it.

 

[Banned]

Re: severe anxiety

Just to clarify - did you stop taking ALL your meds for a few days or just the klonopin?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: severe anxiety

All the meds. I normally take 80mg of Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 1mg of Klonopin, and 50mg of Naltrexone (supposed to help with the cutting and burning.) I know it was dumb, but I just get so sick of being medicated.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

And your anxiety spike is a direct result of stopping all those medications.

CD, you have GOT to stop doing this to yourself. Every time you do this, you set yourself back a few steps, and you ALWAYS suffer the consequences.

 

[Banned]

I understand why you did it - we've all done it at some point - but I'm concerned because you've done it numerous times before and the outcome is entirely predictable. How long til they kick in again and when do you see your therapist next and finally will you tell him you stopped them again?

 

[Cat Dancer]

I see my gp tomorrow and I will tell her. I'm also going to ask if I can stop taking the Naltrexone. It doesn't seem to help at all. Then I could just be on three medications.

I know I deserve the outcome because I do this to myself. I don't know why I do this. Sometimes it's because I'm sick of the medications. Sometimes I want to punish myself because I know it will make me feel worse. Sometimes I honestly think it will make me feel better. Sometimes I get confused because of what other people say about medication. Sometimes I just fall asleep and forget. I know I have to stop doing this.

 

[Banned]

You need a routine so you can't forget. At some point you need to accept that the reality of your life is that you need medication to stay healthy.

 

[Cat Dancer]

You're right. I don't know why I find it so hard to accept. It just doesn't sink in.

 

[Banned]

You put so much energy into fighting it - you could put that energy into staying well. You know you do much better when you stick with your treatment plan. Please stay on them and take care of yourself. No self-injuring, ok?

 

[Banned]

CD did your appt go and how are you feeling today?

 

[Cat Dancer]

I ended up being hospitalized for a week. It has helped some. I just want to be all better and it's a long road to get there if I ever will. There's this deep sadness in me right now that I can't explain. Like I lost something I can't get back.

 

[Banned]

I'm glad you took that step, CD. It's important to recognize when we just can't do things on our own anymore. I hope you will continue to work with your therapist and doctors to get better. It might be a long journey, but it's not impossible or out of reach. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I definitely will continue to work with my doctor and therapist. I just feel so extremely sad right now. I am scared I hurt people. Especially in the hospital. What if being around all those people caused them harm? I am so scared of that.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's OCD again, CD.

 

[DrMikeMiller]

Do you have a recovery plan, beyond waiting for medications to take away all of your pain? If not, you desperately need one. Otherwise, you will continue to remain where you are. You mention a GP, but NOT a therapist. If you have that much anxiety, you really need a good therapist. It appears that you see a lot of things in all or none terms. Either you feel perfect, without a worry or down moment or you feel awful. If I'm correct, begin monitoring yourself for this. Then notice things like I'm pretty anxious, but I'm feeling better than I did yesterday.

I hope that you are active in your recovery. I hope that you are exercising. If not, begin immediately, even if all you can do is walk 5 minutes. Then, accept that you don't feel perfect. That would be like taking one music lesson and being upset that you cant play at a professional level.

Listen to some relaxation/guided imagery/meditation exercises. Let go of the thoughts that this doesn't and can't help. As you are better able to let go of those thoughts.

In life, pain is mandatory. Misery is optional. You will need to accept that there is some pain in life, if you don't already do so.

I hope this gives you some ideas to get moving. My comments are intended as encouraging rather than critical. I wish you peace.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I do know that life is full of pain and that it is pretty much guaranteed. I have been in therapy for six years and don't just depend on medications for relief. I don't think I see things in all or nothing terms. I just went through a particularly difficult time. Please don't judge me based on one thread. There is much more to my life than just my medication issues. Thank you.

 

[rdw]

CD I don't think anyone is judging you. What I read from his post are tips that may help you resolve some of the stress issues you are having. When I am under stress I know I do all or nothing thinking as well as why me thinking. I wonder if you are judging yourself and the post too harshly. just think about it...