So much pain

[Cat Dancer]

I am just in so much pain inside. Tears are in my eyes but I am not letting myself cry. I am upset and very, very uncomfortable in my own self. I feel that I deserve so much punishment, severe punishment. Just fighting this. It's really hard.

 

[GDPR]

What do you feel like you need to be punished for?

 

[Cat Dancer]

How weak I am. That I don't belong. So many things. The depression.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

See Scrupulosity.

 

[forgetmenot]

No hun you are not weak you have fought and are still fighting hun and winning ok I am sorry those thoughts come to you i feel that way too sometimes hun but remember the thoughts are not true ok hugs

 

[MHealthJo]

The thoughts are not the truth CD......
they are just incorrect thoughts to ignore.......
try to accept that idea......
ask your therapist to teach you how to ignore the thoughts and see through them more.......

xx

---------- Post Merged at 10:37 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:35 PM ----------

And please make sure you read Dr Baxter's Scrupulosity thread, okay
...... xx

---------- Post Merged at 10:56 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:37 PM ----------

...
also, maybe it would be better if you did cry?
We have the physiological process of crying for a reason.
It is supposed to be used. It is healthy and good to cry.

If anyone has told you something else, they were wrong and dumb and didn't know what they were talking about.

The wrong things you have been told... maybe it is really time to stop paying attention to those things and those people.......
xx

 

[Cat Dancer]

Everything is not about OCD. Some of it is related to things happening in my life at the moment and some of it is the depression I am having trouble dealing with. I don't even feel like I'm having much problem with OCD right now. It's other things.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Not ALL about OCD, no. But the nature or form of your negative thoughts are from depression distorting your perceptions and OCD transforming them into the specific thoughts babout what you need to do to cope with life. Read that Scrupulosity thread.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Yes, that does fit. It seems hopeless because the thoughts are relentless. And I feel worn down.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It seems hopeless because the thoughts are relentless. And I feel worn down.

Yes. That's the OCD/scrupulosity part. Like it never stops and never gives up pushing you down.

But this is the most important thing you need to be working on in therapy now. It overlaps with and sabotages everything else. Perhaps you should ask your therapist whether he thinks he is the right person to help you with this.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think it IS time to be done with therapy.

 

[forgetmenot]

I read your post hun and i swear my mind thinks like yours but we both know that therapy is so important

Therapy gives us hope in a way that we are doing something positive to help ourselves.

I would not let that thought win ok you continue with your therapist you give yourself the care you deserve and need hugs

 

[Cat Dancer]

But if my therapist ISN'T really helping me, then there is no point to therapy and I will NOT go to someone else and tell them all the stuff I have told him. I will not do that. I can't go through that again. It's too much.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Who said your therapist isn't helping you?

Here is what I said:

Yes. That's the OCD/scrupulosity part. Like it never stops and never gives up pushing you down.

But this is the most important thing you need to be working on in therapy now. It overlaps with and sabotages everything else. Perhaps you should ask your therapist whether he thinks he is the right person to help you with this.

and what I had in mind is bringing this to his attention, not as the only issue, but as the overriding issue in order for you to make progress.

I suspect that you go from one issue to the next depending on the particular crisis or worry that week. I am suggesting that a more concerted push toward working on the OCD/scrupulosity issues would be more productive.

Perhaps you could print this thread and take it to him for the next appointment.

 

[forgetmenot]

Sometimes we don't see the benefits hun but they are there they are I hope you do as Dr Baxter has ask you to do Print off what he told you ok and give it to your therapist hun Do that ok something you can work on with him hugs

 

[Cat Dancer]

I don't think any kind of therapy can help me. My mind is too shut down and clogged up with crap to be helped. My husband would be happier if I quit therapy anyway. I just have to get the courage up to quit because I really do like my therapist and have felt like he is a lifeline, but maybe he's done more harm than good. I really don't know. I don't know anything really.

 

[Banned]

I don't think quitting therapy is a good idea, or even an option for you, CD. You need to keep going.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know it is hard especially when you do not have your husband support with therapy. You hun need to look after YOU ok don't let husband feeling come into this ok You need support to keep stable please don't give that up I too am fighting thoughts like you are hun and i know it is hard but please talk to your therapist ok who will help you hun

 

[MHealthJo]

Who said your therapist isn't helping you?

Here is what I said:


and what I had in mind is bringing this to his attention, not as the only issue, but as the overriding issue in order for you to make progress.

I suspect that you go from one issue to the next depending on the particular crisis or worry that week. I am suggesting that a more concerted push toward working on the OCD/scrupulosity issues would be more productive.

Perhaps you could print this thread and take it to him for the next appointment.

I totally agree with this.

The OCD confuses you about everything CD, and controls you a great deal and minimizes good thinking processes and general progress and health.

It is not that your therapist hasn't helped - BUT what it is is, is that OCD needs focused, structured, ongoing specific work for a period of time.

DEFINITELY ask your therapist for that. By asking in those words, or by showing this thread.

It'll open up tons of new possibilities and hope for you.

Do it!

xox

 

[icthus]

Cat Dancer, you may want to peruse the TOC and a few interior pages of Martin Lloyd-Jones's Spiritual Depression on Amazon to see if it might be for you.