Suggested new diagnoses for DSM-V

[David Baxter PhD]

Suggested new diagnoses for DSM-V

• Napoleon Complex
  Antecedents: Being short, male; having a French accent.
  
  Symptoms: Power-seeking. Attempting to compensate for small stature through aggression, tall hats.
  
  Notes: Despite widespread misconception, Napoleon Bonaparte of France was of average height for his time. He was actually compensating for almost imperceivably asymmetrical nostrils.
  
  
• Neapolitan Complex also known as Tripolar Disorder)
  
  Antecedents: Being Italian; nearly drowning in a vat of frozen dairy dessert.
  
  Symptoms: Having a light side, a dark side, and a sickeningly rosy side. Wanting to be everything to everyone. Chronic brain freeze.
  
  Notes: Friends who want to sample only one element of this personality shouldn't screw it up for the rest of us.
  
• Charlie Chaplin Complex
  Antecedents: Being born with a moustache that does not extend to the corners of the mouth.
  
  Symptoms: Desire to conquer Europe and establish a 1000-year reign.
  
  Notes: Although Charlie Chaplin did not suffer from the complex, a growing number of psychohistorians speculate that Adolf Hitler may have been afflicted.
  
  
• Military-Industrial Complex
  Antecedents: Experience with foreign policy, hunting.
  
  Symptoms: Episodes of serving as Vice President of the United States under George W. Bush. During these states, sufferers will sometimes pick fights at random and then hide underground.
  
  Notes: The term was introduced into common parlance during the farewell address of President Dwight Eisenhower, avid armchair psychiatrist.
  
  
• Martyr Complex
  Antecedents: Being nailed to a cross for the sake of mankind; taking the fall when the boss's daughter?who shouldn't be interning here anyway?breaks the fancy coffeemaker.
  
  Symptoms: A perceived license to tell people how to live their lives and/or file expense reports. Overcompensating for low horsepower of Prius.
  
  Notes: Sometimes misdiagnosed as God Complex; look for whether the person also lays a guilt trip on you while being a dick.
  
  
• God Complex
  Antecedents: Creating the known universe.
  
  Symptoms: Thinking you own the place. Snooping on people's private conversations even when not addressed through prayer. Fickle support for Steinbrenner's Evil Empire during playoffs. Sufferers will sometimes exist just to spite Christopher Hitchens.
  
  Notes: Those with long beards, devout followers, and immortality are often misdiagnosed. Inquire about bandmates. See: ZZ Top Complex.
  
  
• Googleplex
  Antecedents: Caching the known universe.
  
  Symptoms: Thinking you own the place. Snooping on people's private emails even when not addressed through tech support. Fickle about evil. Sufferers will sometimes exist just to spite Bill Gates.
  
  Notes: Those with more money, followers, and omniscience than God are often misdiagnosed. Inquire about immortality. See: Oracle of Omaha Complex.
  
  
• Cassandra Complex
  Antecedents: Opening your eyes.
  
  Symptoms: Seeing what's really going on; picketing. Stocking up on duct tape, cockroach farms, bullhorns. Exchanging cash for gold and Twittering about it. Fondness for wearing tinfoil hats, turning PowerPoint lectures into movies.
  
  Notes: Arguably not a disorder. I was forced to add it by The Powers That Be. Just look around you, people. Am I the only sane one?

 

[NicNak]

The latest suggestion: by me

The Big Mac Attack

• The Big Mac Attack happens usually about 20minutes to an hour after the Big Mac is consumed. When the Big Mac is consumed along side of fries and a cola, (usually it is) this amplifies the euphoric effect of the Big Mac.
  
  Once the euphoria subsides, patient then suffer the "come down" effect of the Big Mac. The result is The Big Mac Attack, which patients often suffer with excruciating stomach pains, bloat, gas, diarrhea and on rare occasions vomiting.
  
  The cause is unknown at this time.
  
  Researchers have been painstakinlgy trying to find what the molectural structure of the Big Mac is for years. So far researchers now can conclude that the container the Big Mac come is, is infact a paper product of some sort. All other efforts to get to the bottom of the mysteries of this product have come up short of a breakthrough.
  
  Researchers are still baffled as to why people continue to consume the Big Mac, even after frequent attacks have happened in the past. There is one theroy that might explain this phenomena and possably create another diagnosis for the next addition of the DSM which is Glutton for Punishment
  
  There have been great strides taken for raising awareness of the Big Mac Attacks and this has resulted more responsible usage of the Big Mac, lowering the incidents of The Big Mac Attacks.
  
  Even still, there is still a lot more that should be done to help treat and prevent Big Mac Attacks.

 

[Xelebes]

* Echodactyly

- Repeated expressions through typing. The patient repeats through typing out the same message, whether the message itself was originally communicated orally or through text.​

---------- Post added at 10:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:58 PM ----------

* Echodactyly

- Repeated expressions through typing. The patient repeats through typing out the same message, whether the message itself was originally communicated orally or through text.​

With that, I should also add:

Palidactyly

- Repeated typing of letters. The patient repeats letters by repetitively tapping the letters over and over again, done for reasons beyond melodramatic portrayal of reactions.

E.g. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY GGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Also

Pterodactyl

A flying dinosaur. Not really a mental disorder. But it does begin with "P" and contain the letters "dactyl".

 

[NicNak]

Also

Pterodactyl

A flying dinosaur. Not really a mental disorder. But it does begin with "P" and contain the letters "dactyl".

It could be a mental disorder if one claimed to see flying dinosaurs. :teehee:

 

[Xelebes]

Also

Pterodactyl

A flying dinosaur. Not really a mental disorder. But it does begin with "P" and contain the letters "dactyl".

Pterodactyly means "winged fingering". I wonder where that leaves us.

 

[Andy]

lol That is to funny:teehee:

 

[Xelebes]

Apatolexia - A grave condition where the patient perceives the words, understands what the words say but insists that the words deceive them.