Surviving Extreme Bullying

[Xelebes]

I thought I would start this thread now that I have it on my mind. I personally have been on the brunt end of extreme bullying - bullying where my life was threatened by large groups on multiple occasions. Time to tell my story in a way where I'm not left with having no advice to offer while having appearing so well together. Time for me to open some old wounds and see what I can glean, that I can share.

I'm going to leave this as a place holder for now and go to sleep. I'll start posting what I can in the morning in following posts.

 

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When you feel you can Xelebes , I know how difficult it can be opening up. We are here for you.

 

[Xelebes]

Backstory:

In the 90's, prior to the Columbine shootings, it was normal for many schools in North America to have a whipping boy, a student who for some reason or another would be picked on by everybody from all grades. This phenomenon, most commonly found in junior highs, found itself growing in viciousness until the Columbine shootings where the whipping boys suddenly became something feared.

In my experience with talking to others with Asperger's and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders, not most or even many "Aspies" and "Auties" don't experience severe bullying in the school environment but those who do experience severe/extreme bullying, many have Asperger's. This is most likely due to the fact that many with this disorder end up in a school where the teachers and the principals are simply ill-equipped to deal with someone with AS. This can result in the teachers and principals (T&Ps) bullying or even abusing the child when the T&Ps get frustrated by the behaviours exhibited.

Through elementary, I went through a school where the teacher's gave up on me and where the principals, giving up rather quickly, sought to bully my parents and my brothers and sisters (two of them having ASDs also), accusing my parents of neglecting their children and all that sort of stuff. My parents tried finding other schools but the school board did not help them. My older sister had the fortune of being home schooled for a year, but my mom couldn't manage teaching the material to her so she didn't consider home-schooling for me.

My experiences in elementary being locked up into cubicles at the office where in grade 2 I spent at least 60% of my time in there, having at least one week where I didn't even see the classroom at all. Was forgotten in a fire drill at least once. When I did get to go to recess, I was often cornered by other kids and tripped and beaten. Sometimes I did try to lash back but all that got me was more time in the cubicles.

When in Junior High, the principals and the teachers were much better but the kids were a lot nastier. By this time, not only did I have AS but Tourette's worsening to the point that I was ticcing in class and didn't know anything about i, but I was ticcing anyway.

One tic spurred a rumour that I was a racist. This launched from the whole classroom swarming and beating me to groups in the size of 150-200 other students surrounding me and taking turns on me, beating and kicking me on the snowy schoolyard. No teachers intervened and so it happened again and by the third time, I was considering suicide because I feared that the death by the hands of other kids would be worse than if I just killed myself.

It stopped eventually. I think they became bored of me or something.

This was a year before Columbine. In the next year, a month before Columbine, I moved to the opposite side of the city and managed to end up in the best junior high in the city of all places, where bullying was limited to girl-styled bullying at worst, which was easy to deal with as I was a boy.

When Columbine happened, I was in terrors that I would be hunted down by the other students on this new side of the city. A couple days after Columbine, someone from the high school neighbouring the bad junior high school was swarmed and murdered, a whipping boy. That reinforced my terrors that lasted for a month or two.

Bullying stopped when I went to the new school and I actually made friends that I hung out with.

Enough of back story.

 

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Oh Xelebes,
I don't know what to say, I'm horrified by what happened to you at school, a place where human qualities, tolerance and empathy are supposed to be taught.
I am so very, very sorry you had these apalling experiences.
Thank you for writing about this, it is important for as many people as possible to know that having AS as a kid in a 'normal' school can be living hell.

They were very, very wrong to do that to you.

 

[Xelebes]

1) I don't actually know what to do about avoiding schoolyard bullying. I never seemed to get insight into that. Others have and have posted articles on it.

2) I never assumed I was the one to blame for it. Knowing that I was missing something all my life, I just figured it was some weird secret going on that made me a target that I would never be able to figure out. This probably saved me from depression. The fact that I only blamed it on mistakes somewhere along that happened that I could never figure out. Figuring it out in the past year has kinda dragged me down a bit on the whole self-esteem thing but it has also been relieving in a sense.

3) Having support at home is important. My parents originally asked "What did I do?" when the bullying started happening but that always felt I was being blamed. I always shrugged because with the element of fear, I actually did forget what I had done. As the years progessed, I stopped reported getting bullied to my parents so they gave me my room and allowed me to do whatever I wanted (doing homework, doodling, writing stories). That helped.

I'm sure I can think of more but I'm drawing blanks.

 

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Figuring it out in the past year has kinda dragged me down a bit on the whole self-esteem thing but it has also been relieving in a sense.

Yes I can understand that, however understanding why it happened is in the long run a good thing.
I would just like to say, that though there is an explanation for this atrocious behaviour there is no excuse for it, nothing in the world can justify this abusive , primitive behaviour, that you survived it is heroic and a mark of your high and good character that you write about it without hate or vengeance.
Your post has impressed me greatly.